"Dirt just flies up and hits me!"

Speedy Me.

2012-01-23T17:15:00.000-08:00

Last night I got a speeding ticket.

Sigh....

But, it was time, I am sure. I speed... a lot. And, I get ticketed for it seldomly.

So, I am really not the kind of girl who puts up much of a fight. I just take it. And, for some reason, I usually say thank you?!? Don't know where that comes from. I always tell myself that I am thanking the poor cop for doing his civic duty.

But, last night before the thank you portion of the conversation I found myself really really tempted to say "excuse me, can you hurry this up? I really have to pee." Luckily I had already reached my quota of stupid things to say to a cop in a 15 minutes span. So, I refrained and skipped right to "thank you."

But, for the record.... can I add traffic school to the list in my previous post??? Ok, good.

Just call me one word Ali, It's my new thing!

2012-01-20T15:49:00.000-08:00

Things that make me want to poke my eyes out, pour lemon juice on an open wound and eat two vomit burritos (in no particular order):

Trying to figure out anything that has to do with my car.

People who don't like cake.

Waking up SUPER early for anything.

Entrees made completely of vegetables.

Cheese.

Any movies that are mythical, majestic, or middle-earth type movies (also the movie Clifford) - except for Labrynth and the Never Ending Story, both of which rock.

Indecisiveness (which is not to be confused with easy-going). People that take FOREVER to make up their minds about stuff (which, of course, are the same people that NEVER want to go with the flow).

Elitists.

Trying to figure out anything that has to do with technology.

Talking on the phone.

Well, this week, two of those pet peeves have become my new reality! My phone totally sucks right now. Well, truth be told, it's sucked for about 2 months (ever since I dropped it off in Micah's office because he said it needed to be updated). Until this week, it's big defect was that it turned off before I could use it... EVERYTIME I wanted to use it.... which made me want to cuss A LOT.

Clearly, I should have taken my phone in to the phone gods a while ago. But, let's just add the phone gods to the list of things that make me want to sleep with spiders. It takes so bloody long to get anything done when I go to the phone store. I'd rather have a voluntary colonoscopy, I swear it would take less time and be far less painful. So, I just dealt with my phone turning of 28,000x a day, as it seemed far less painful than the alternative.

But, as of this week, the added defect is that my text message system will only reply with one word answers. And, in case any of you have NOT met me, this would be the complete opposite of how I normally respond.

To put it mildly, I totally have phone anxiety at the moment. And, I have never talked on the phone more in my life! Everytime I get a text, I wonder if there is any one word answer that will cover all the questions/comments sent to me. I swear, everytime I hear that little ping I feel closer and closer to having a mild stroke.

I guess I will be spending my weekend with the phone gods...

There goes all my high scores on Jewels (AGAIN) and my nephew's highest level on Blast Monkeys (sorry, buddy).

Plus, as my most recent conversations have all gone something like this:

"Hey. What's going on? How was your day? Are we still going to dinner tonight? When? Where?"
"Yes"
"Yes, that's it? I asked you like 5 questions."

I officially am now both the emotion AND verbal equivalent to a dude - Low point.

S.A.M.E. Ball (Again)

2012-01-13T16:51:00.000-08:00

Every year. SAME ball. New dress. Fabulous photo booth shots.

For a Society of Military Engineers Ball, which could be as boring as it sounds, we sure know how to host a fun party (and just ignore the Engineers... hee hee hee).

Slightly delayed photos, as this was back in December, but... oh well. I am on my very own time table.

Don't tell Jackie I posted these!

M.I.A.

2012-01-11T15:46:00.000-08:00

I guess I haven't blogged in a while.

Guess what else I haven't done in a while?!? APPARENTLY, I haven't been to the gym in a while. At least 2 years, according to the guy who checked me in. Oops. I went last night. And, I HATED it. When I was in college I went to the gym at least 5x a week. But, don't kid yourself, I mostly went there 5x a week because I had to. I worked there. Again, don't kid yourself, I worked in the child care center not the actually gym part of the gym - woof. I live in California because I love to be outside. I love to run OUTSIDE and bike OUTSIDE and hike OUTSIDE, but not so much in a smelly gym, with sweaty sweaty people and ZERO ventilation. Nonetheless, when I went to check-in and saw the new Matrix style system of entry, I was slightly embarrassed that I had paid for a gym membership that I hadn't used in AT LEAST 2 years. Psh... Still, I HATED it... the whole time (and I only have to pay $49 a year).

So, at least my excuse for not blogging lately is one that I LOVED. I spent a few weeks hanging out with these crazy kids... and they kept me busy and on my toes and I LOVED every minute of it.

Awkward Sabbath

2011-12-18T23:50:00.000-08:00

So, I was asked to give a talk in Sacrament Meeting. No big Deal. I mean I don't LOVE giving talks or anything, but I understand they need to be given and I am alright giving one every once in a while.

So, of course I get assigned a topic. And, of course it's the most ridiculous topic ever - Entertainment & Media. And, of course it's from the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet -because I am so youthful?!? and they wouldn't want to give that the 12-year-old Deacon that spoke right before me?!? No, that would be WAY too practical.

As you can see from the information presented in the aforementioned link. The first few sentences are relatively benign in every way. But, as you can see from the majority of the information I have essentially been asked to give a talk on pornography. Me? What the...??? Does this seem odd to anyone else?!? Also, let's remember that it is the week before Christmas. Couldn't they save this topic for January??? Can't they assign this to someone with a little more familiarity with the topic.... say a Bishop or High Counselor. I know it's something that needs discussion. I get that it's wildly prevalent. But, here's the deal, I just REALLY REALLY do not want to be the girl that gave that ridiculously awkward pornography talk the week before Christmas. And, more than that... I just do not want to stand at the pulpit in front of hundreds of people and act like I have the foggiest faintest idea what I am talking about.

So, I ask one of my bestie's dad, who is also in my Bishopric, if he can perhaps give me a little guidance and direction. He starts laughing and asks if that is REALLY the topic I've been given. I am not laughing. Then he tells me to do what people do in any good talk... use some of my own life experiences. At this point he's really laughing at me.

So, there I am sitting in the not-so-cheap seats adjacent to Deacon that is sitting next to me who is the first speaker and this darling old man who is to be the last speaker. I ask the little muffin what he is speaking on. Of course, he is sharing some Christmas poem tantamount to The Christmas Shoes. And, I ask the old guy next to me what he was assigned to speak on. And, he says the birth of Jesus. And, as you can imagine, at this point I feel as if I have been totally punk'd. But, I know I haven't. I mean the guy sent me an email with my topic in which he discussed in detail what I was to speak on. So, BY NO MISTAKE AT ALL, the talks were intentionally assigned as follows: Christmas, porn, Christmas. WHAT KIND OF A LINE UP IS THAT!??!?!?!??!?!

So, I tentatively walk to the pulpit for my turn. And, I gave an 18 minute talk on the first 2 lines of my topic. That's right! I said the word pornography from the pulpit exactly ZERO times. And, instead I talked about the light of the gospel and how one of the easiest ways to receive and share it is through the internet and media. I talked about the fact that with Mitt running for President Mormonism in consistently one of the top 10 most searched topics. I talked about sharing that light so that those who are looking for goodness in the world won't have to try so hard to find it because perhaps it would become as prevalent as darkness. Basically.... I totally winged it. But, I was totally not willing to give the rest of that talk... because I am chicken... and TRUST ME, no one want to see a lanky single blonde girl all decked to the nines giving a pornography talk. It woud have been awkward for everyone... I am sure of it!

It must have been an ok presentation. Because directly afterwards this lady comes up with her husband and tells me I've done a great job. And, then with no segway at all says "I have a son who is an ER doctor and he's tall, would you like to date him?" Boo ya!

But, the awkward Sabbath is not yet over kids.... it continues....

There is a little "Christmas Program" and potluck after the block is over. I am a little bit delayed in getting to the "Program". But, as I walk in I hear a small child playing the piano. She is really good for such a small little thing! But, what is she playing?!? It sounds familiar enough. I lean over to Diz and Mandy and say "Um... is that a Coldplay song?!?" Sure enough it is! And, I have just been informed that I missed the little girl who sang ".... the good ship lollypop..." Because, every self-respecting "Christmas Program" has those elements. I mean who doesn't love a little Coldplay and a tap dance to bring in the Christmas spirit?!?

Luckily, I DID not miss the Primary nativity re-enactment. It was awesome! All the kids were dressed up... as the star, some angels, a lot of barnyard animals, and some shepherds... which included one wicked awesome rogue shepherd. A shepherd who refused to stay on the stage, but instead trolled the audience whipping his costume in the air like he was a key participant in a Burlesque show. And, of course, every respectable "Christmas Program" HAS to have one of those.

Awesome Sunday!

The World's Most AWESOME(ly bad) Christmas Party

2011-12-09T14:04:00.000-08:00

So.... 3 years ago I took a job with a new company (after having worked at my previous one for 6 years. It was the hardest break-up of my life (NO JOKE)... but, I digress...) Anyway. I loved the old job. And, I love the new job. So, I am blessed.

However, at Reyes (old job) we had the Christmas Party to end all Christmas parties. It was rad. We had dinner catered and an entire Casino staffed with legitimate dealers and chips and moolah, open bar (which was fun for me in that EVERYONE got drunk, except for yours truly, and it was AWESOME to watch the train wreck. One year a lady fell asleep on my desk, which was in no way even close to the party tent!) But, the presents were to die for... oh... my... gosh. One year I got a Kitchen Aid, the next year I got a 47" HDTV Sony Bravia plasma television with a 10-piece surround-sound speaker system complete with a blueray DVD player and Ipod connection, the next year I won a Dyson vacuum, not to mention that every year I also won money, and gift cards, and lottery tickets, and all sorts of awesome stuff. I miss those parties!

Well, the parties at my new job.... let's just say, I have been thinking for quite sometime that a). I am getting punk'd and there has to be some camera somewhere (in addition to the standard nanny cam that is always in the office in order to monitor our shenanigans) and b). that I should REALLY get in contact with the scriptwriters of The Office, because this party would provide fodder that would translate perfectly to that kind of satirical comedy.

First we have a BBQ, where only food that is neutral (beige or brownish) is admitted to the table (tri-tip, pork ribs, chicken, pulled-pork, baked beans, corn bread, potato salad and BBQ sauce which is scooped out with a laddle). Apparently we are anti-color and health here at MZT (new job).

And, then we have birthday cake for dessert. Happy Birthday Jesus?!?!

And, then the real fun begins. Catherine (our lovely Receptionist/Office Manager) wraps all the presents and sticks them under the fake tree, to be unwrapped, one per person. These present are never purchased... oh no, that would be way too costly. They are received, one-by-one, from Staples, FREE tchotchkes collected throughout the year, given to all orders over $100.

Last year, I got liquid potpourri, that smelled like feet and was the color of freshly cleaned toilet water. What would one do with liquid potpourri?!? I mean, even if it miraculously smelled refreshing??? It is bright blue and liquid! I couldn't very well put it in a bowl and stick it on the coffee table. BAD idea. Horrible! I gave it away at as white elephant gift at another holiday party.

One thing I have come to realize in this present frenzy, is that there is a 99.9% chance that the present received will be some sort of bag (a cheaply made bag that may or may not involve a cooling device, or a plastic coating, or a straw mat and towel).

So, in order to avoid getting a bag (which is easily identifiable by it's mere squishiness and shape), this year I asked for a box - which turned out to be a brilliant move. Because this year I scored a multi-function radio lantern with a built-in flashlight. And, Jackie won a set of 4-cutting boards with a nifty cutting board holder.

And, at my office Christmas Party, you could basically say we won the Grand Prizes! Boo ya!

It dropped into the 40s here...

2011-12-08T23:09:00.000-08:00

... So, I ventured out to Disneyland, wearing a fur lined parka, a scarf, a hat and gloves.

Don't judge me. It was NEAR freezing. And, I grew up in California.

I am in love...

2011-12-08T13:29:00.000-08:00

... with this blog.

The truth is...

2011-12-06T15:25:00.000-08:00

People like me better when I am hopped up on diet coke.

It's true.

And, I am a people pleaser, so.....

What time do NORMAL people eat lunch?

2011-12-02T11:12:00.000-08:00

I am sitting in my office.

Dressed all FANCY SCHMANCY because my bossed asked us all to dress up today.

Nevermind that MOST offices have casual Friday. We're all decked out....

Which means, I am wearing heels. Tall ones. Because in my opinion, you cannot successfully "dress up" AND wear flats.

And, the reason we are dressed up... some RICH RICH RICH businessmen from China are visiting our office....

Which means I will be AT LEAST an entire foot taller than the tallest of our visitors... which is apparently no big deal, since Jackie told me I "won't be required to dance with them or anything."

BUT, my boss has requested that we all join him and the China men for lunch...

Which brings me to the main question of my post...

What time do normal people eat lunch???

Because I start thinking about what I want for lunch around 9:50 am EVERY weekday. And, I start talking about WHERE and WHAT we are eating for lunch at like 10:20ish. And, by 11:02 Jackie is dialing my extension and we are gabbing about how we are SO hungry... and then by like 11:05 this whole office is a ghost town. But, it's 11:20 and the China men don't look hungry at all... which is stressing me out... because I am thinking about gnawing on my own arm.

And, all of it really makes HATE China.

Sick day.

2011-11-23T10:44:00.000-08:00

In general, I REALLY do like my job. But, when you're entire profession is based on client deadlines, it keeps a girl really busy. It isn't often that there is too much down time.

I currently sound like a muppet. I am beyond sick. But, I have a deadline that I have to meet. And, so...

in general, these are what my sick days looks like.

A special thanks to Jackie for the lovely mask. And, to all my co-workers, who couldn't stop poking fun at my "man-voice".

35!

2011-11-20T23:33:00.000-08:00

A while ago a friend of mine asked me if I could have dinner with three people alive or dead, who I would pick. Mother Teresa. That one came easily to me. I adore that lady. I am inspired by her life and all that she stands for, and all that she did, and all that she taught. She once said "never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world, it's the only thing that ever has."

A week ago Saturday I turned 35.... eeeeeeek! How did that happen?!? I am not much of a planner. I never had much of life plan, per se. That being said, I am definitely not where I thought I would be at 35. Yet, I have lived a life of constant privilege. I have been blessed far beyond that which I deserve. Never in my life have I ever had to go without anything that I need. And, honestly, not very often have I even had to go without anything I want. I have always tried to give back in little ways. But, I am sure I have always fallen short.

A few weeks before my birthday I saw something on the internet that I thought was super awesome. This lady decided to do an act of kindness for every year of her life. It was an awesome idea, one I decided I really wanted to replicate. 35 acts of kindness. (Said inspirational lady had to do 38).

I sort of hesitated to post about this project, because it isn't something I ever intended to boast about, and I certainly hope it doesn't come across as such. But, as I was going about doing my kindnesses, I recognized how often goodness inspires goodness. And, like the lady whose idea I stole, I thought maybe my efforts could influence those around me.

I intended to do all 35 acts of kindness ON my actual birthday. But, instead of doing little things, I wanted to go big. I wanted to do things that were lasting. I spent many weeks compiling a list of things I wanted to do. And, as I called around and did some research, I realized that in order to do BIG things, I needed more than 24 hours (plus a lot of the agencies/organizations I contacted, were not open on Saturdays).

I actually spent my birthday in Santa Barbara, with two of my closest friends, Mandy and Wendy. We woke up in the morning and ran a 1/2 marathon. It was fun to be in the place I grew up, running along the same streets I often ran on decades before. After our run (or my run/walk) we began to knock out, one by one, each of the tasks on my list of kindnesses (many of which lasted the whole week, and many of which Mandy and Wendy accompanied me):

1. I wrote a card and left a thank you treat for my postal carrier.

2. Mandy, Wendy and I made 10 care packages for the homeless. (All of these packages had a PB&J sandwich, an apple, a bottle of water, a granola bar, candy, other snacks, a toothbrush, wet wipes and two trash bags - which were intended to keep the homeless warm and dry because it was raining, but I fear might have been used as new vessels to store hoard... eerrrr treasures, and a pick-me up note). We hand delivered these packages. And, made several new friends. And, had some very tender experiences.... and we MAY or MAY NOT have been howled at.... and not in a pick-up sort of way, but more of a mental patient sort of way.

3. We put quarters in laundry mats in the poor areas of town. (One guy told me that he hadn't done laundry for three weeks. I politely told him it was time and put some money in his hand. His name was Richard. And, now we are friends. Not that I'll ever see him again, but...).

4. I gave money to every homeless person within near proximity to me, all who asked, and all who didn't, for an entire week.

5. I started a piggy bank for a cause (first up, the LDS humanitarian fund). I have started putting all of my change in the piggy bank and will cash it in and donate it once it's filled. I plan to keep this going, changing the cause with the filling of the bank each time.

6. I didn't say anything negative or critical all day. (Confession: I woke up slightly before 7, by 7:20, I had my first do over. CLEARLY, something I need to work on).

7. We put money in a street musician's hat.... eeeerrrrr shoe (we couldn't find any other depository and Wendy almost got hit by a car, so.....), which made me think of this video... WHICH ALWAYS MAKES ME CRY.

8. I donated money to the Wounded Warrior Fund.

9. I donated my old clothes to a women's shelter nearby.

10. I donated canned food to the local food bank/Rescue Mission.

11. During the 1/2 marathon, I stopped to pick up the "Mile 10" sign that blew over AND I stopped to personally thank all the volunteers who handed me water (I can't decide if this was a kindness, or just an excuse to stop more frequently than I should have).

12. I bought a plant and a thank you card to give to my mom's best friend for letting us stay with her and making me a cake and singing to me and forcing me to wear a crown.

13. I donated money to an under-privileged youth program.

14. We donated blood (this was the WORST one. Eeeek, I hate giving blood, which makes me feel guilty, since I have the universal O+ blood type... but I also have RIDICULOUSLY tiny veins and it always HURTS). Wendy and Mandy and Nikki Crawford and I all gave blood. And, as Nikki said "it's one of the only things you can do for someone else that in their time of need, they can't do for themselves". So, even though it sucked, I felt good. Plus, I got some cookies. Total bonus!

15. We picked up Brandi (the foster kid I have mentored for the past few years) for dinner and a play date. And, actually we had her help us with some of our kindnesses. (She LOVES to hang out. She thinks every thing I do is great, like going to the bank and Target... whatever it is, she is in!) LOVE THAT KID!!!

16. We made treats and wrote a thank you note and took them to the LDS missionaries (because they ROCK)!

17. We wrote a note and dropped off a treat to the NB firemen (the note was awesome... scribed by moi and written by Brandi).

18. We wrote a note and dropped off cookies to the other 5 girls and the staff members who live and work in the group home that Brandi lives in.

19. We volunteered at a soup kitchen AND
19 1/2. I wore a skirt there (bad idea, but it's hard to do 35 acts of kindness when you have a full-time job - next time I am bringing a change of clothes to work).

20. I told each of my siblings that I love them and why. (Sadly, I do not do that nearly enough).

21. We made treats and notes and delivered them to people in need (a guy who was going into surgery, a family that lost a child, a family whose live-in daughter has brain tumors, a lady whose house flooded and a was living in a hotel, and one of Mandy's co-workers who was visiting from out-of-town.).

22. I bought food and a can opener and took it to the lady who was living in a hotel... because when I asked her if there was anything she needed, she said "yes, a can opener" - RANDOM -(the food was just a bonus). Plus, I took my lap top because she asked me if I would help her write a letter to the insurance company. Oy vey... that was a doosie, I couldn't even understand what she wanted to say. But, I sure did try. (P.S. She's Catholic, but she came to the LDS church today... that's right kids - Mormon's rock!).

23. I signed up to give Christmas to a family in need.

24. I gave all of the books I have already read to the local library.

25. I bought toys and donated them to a local toy drive. (Jackie went with me and she bought some too)! Some kids are going to be super stoked at Christmas!

26. I offered to babysit for a single mom.

27. I signed up to be a permanent volunteer for an organization called Women Helping Women (a place where they help battered and unemployed women find jobs). I will be fixing resumes a few hours a week in order to help people be more marketable in the workforce. This one was awesome. Because when I had my volunteer orientation they asked me what my qualifications were. And, I told them I had a Bachelor's Degree in English and for the past 12 years I have been employed as a Business Development Director/Technical Writer. And, they said "Is that it? Anything else?" I knew I should've gotten a Master's Degree... so I could be more qualified for a non-paying volunteer position. Ridiculous.

28. I sent a friend of mine who was having a rough day a love note and an article that I had read that I knew she would LOVE.

29. I volunteered to bring dinner (purchased, not made - don't give me TOO much credit) and consoled a friend who recently lost her job.

30. I gave an old friend a dress I didn't need anymore that I knew would look great on her.

31. I thanked each of the Veterans in my office (and one homeless man) for their service to our country.

32. I went to the store to buy groceries for my roommate who was supposed to bring treats to work, but had to work until 10 pm and didn't have any free time to get the supplies she needed.

33. I packed a shoebox for Samaritan's Purse.

34. I adopted a grandma. I volunteered to visit a lady in an assisted living home every Sunday. This was also a rad experience for three reasons. 1. The assisted living home also asked me what my qualifications were to which I said "um.... well, I HAD two grandmas. And, I am like REALLY good at talking." And, then they asked me if I had any skilled living facility experience. And, I politely said no and also offered up that I was TOTALLY unwilling to change or bathe ANYONE. (I have a very very acute gag reflex); 2. She told me I was young AND pretty AND that she was addicted to Diet Coke (trifecta!!!); and 3. She did not wear any pants. None.

35. Attended a session at the temple.

36. And, this is my last one (one to grow on). I wanted to publicly thank my parents for being wonderful examples to me of charity and kindness. And, I hope I don't embarrass them. But, I came up with a list of things I have seen my parents do in their lifetime that have inspired me and helped make me the woman that I am: paroled people out of jail (only once was it someone in my own family... ahem ADAM... I am sure you are all shocked!), rallied our family every year to donate Christmas to families in need, gave thousands of dollars to hurricane victims, housed a student going to medical school for free, my mom gave her mother's day gift to another mother who was having a rough year, gave enough fast offerings every single month so their ward would never have to borrow from the coffers of the church while my dad was Bishop, my dad has served as Bishop twice (so I can't even begin to imagine how many people he's moved!), my mom nursed a dying friend AND my parents agreed to adopt her daughter when she asked them if they would, my dad walked a fatherless friend down the aisle on her wedding day, my mom has picked up and purchased food and supplies for many single moms, my mom worked in the LDS temple for 5 years and served as a Relief Society President, my parents feed the hoards of lonely people (and some of their kids) every Thanksgiving, they have contributed in purchasing and retro-fitting a home for a friend who was in a terrible accident, they have given away at least 2 cars and more of our old or sometimes current clothes and toys than I can even remember, they housed 7 family friends after their house burned in a fire, they have babysat for dozens and dozens of people under numerous circumstances, they have been honorary parents to several people who don't have great relationships with their own parents, my dad hugs EVERYONE... EVERYONE and I can't remember him EVER saying anything unkind, EVER! (Can you imagine?!?!?). And, I won't even begin to go into all the things they have done for their five children. Words can not even express how grateful I am for their examples.

Another person I would love to have dinner with is the former Prophet of my church, Gordon B. Hinkley who said "ordinary people who faithfully diligently and consistently do simple things that are right before God will bring forth extraordinary results." In due time, I can only hope to become one of those "ordinary people".

One small birthday request...

2011-11-03T15:21:00.000-07:00

It is the month of my birth.

And, I have never before requested any presents (with the exception of giving my parents a War & Peace length list as a kid... and maybe an adult, as well).

But, this year could someone please get me this?!?

I am getting so old and lonely. But, I think this could buy me another year or two of happiness!

I have ALSO decided...

2011-10-26T13:28:00.000-07:00

That this year EVERYONE is getting a present via Ebay. I love it. The thrill of the chase. The hunting for treasures. The click of the mouse. The ease of paying with Paypal. I love it! I just think it's one of the most brilliant ideas I've ever had. I mean who doesn't want a tweety bird sweatshirt?!? No one... that's who.

P.S. I am not joking about the Ebay Christmas part.

Also... if I ever have a baby, I am not going to tell my husband until I am at least 7 months along. And, if he asks... I will just break into tears and ask him if he's calling me fat. That way it won't seem like I have been a nut job for 7 months already. Although, an argument COULD be made that I started out a bitty nutty... because who would really do that? I think I really would. I think it would be way funny.

Exactly!

2011-10-25T12:36:00.000-07:00

I HEART this.

I can relate to it on every level.

I have decided...

2011-10-24T13:50:00.000-07:00

That I do not like horse movies. I mean, I am cool with movies that contain horses... but movies about horses... na. I am out. After Sea Biscuit... every movie that is horse inspired is just a variation OF Sea Biscuit... which was a little slow. So...

Moving on... I also feel the need to write a strongly worded letter to the owner's of the ESPN Zone. I understand why there are T.V.s in the men's restroom. But, the women's??? Did they ever think maybe the women are hiding in the restroom BECAUSE of the sports on T.V. all around them. Is there no sanctuary?!?

Moving on... Disneyland on Trick-or-Treat night = paradise. Seriously AMAZING.

And, lastly... I have decided that I am a girl who wants to go ANYWHERE I have never been, even if that place is Nebraska.

Ok. I am done.

Cleaning Out the Camera

2011-10-19T13:05:00.000-07:00

I went to a wedding this weekend for my good friend Morgan. I took "the fancy camera", but I keep forgetting that I can't really even use it until I upload the current photos somewhere (keep forgetting that). I didn't really do so well with the photos. I only took like 5. Oops.

So, this morning, I moved all of the photos from the past year or so elsewhere. And, while I did, I came across some really cute photos that made me happy. I would give them all captions... but, I am just too lazy.

Just another conversation with a 3-year-old

2011-10-17T14:16:00.000-07:00

I am currently hanging out with my sister Jennica and her little munchkins.

And, this morning I took Gabe (3) and Janey (5) to the store with me to get milk and diet coke (don't be sad Amanda, I am still addicted). And, this conversation happened:

Gabe: Auntie Ali, can I bring in my grapefruit?
Me: Um, No.
Gabe: Well, then can I bring in my spoon?
Me: ya, um still no.
Gabe: Well then what CAN I bring in?
Me: You can bring your person.
Gabe: I DO NOT have a purse!

Psh.... why do kids need to bring in everything they've touched in a day. Makes me think of Steve Martin in The Jerk.

Mid-week Musings (The Chu Post)

2011-09-21T16:49:00.000-07:00

My best conversations these days happen over Gchat.

So, without any further introduction, I will let you all be privy to one of the more entertaining conversations of my week. (Please note, some portions have been truncated, due to excessive length; however, I tried to keep in the entertaining parts.)

Jm: Another productive day?

Me: Well, if by productive you mean I got here by 8:30 than no, I got here at 8:38. But, if by productive you mean I have already made some online purchases, then yes. Yes, it has!

Jm: Hahaha. What do you buy online?

Me: Today I bought a pair of bright yellow sailor pants and a few tops. So, cute.

Me: So, I have this story for you. There is this market across the street. I go there to buy diet coke (don't judge me), I am still off the wagon. It's seedy at best. It's called "La Chiquita Market". What ethnicity would you presume the owner to be?

Jm: Hmmmm...

Me: If you said (or were going to say) Laotian, you would be right.

Jm: hahaha.

Me: Chu is from Laos. Clearly, all he does all day is eat and eat and eat WHILE he is selling stuff. Sometimes, while he is watching Asian porn or reading Asian newspapers. Anywho, most days when I go in there I am the only person who pays with cash... most people keep a tab. And, they pay Chu when they get paid. So anyway, whenever I go to La Chiquita Market (which could be one a day or could be 10x a day, depending on my proximity to the wagon), people say stuff to me - usually really really weird stuff. And, usually they are homeless or Hispanic. Either way they are brown, whether from God or from dirt. Today my favorite homeless man was there. This is not a joke. I have a favorite homeless man. His name is Daniel. And, he is very solicitous of me and complimentary in only the way a mentally challenged individual can be. Today, when I was over there, Daniel kept repeating "big pretty girl, big pretty girl, such a big pretty girl." And, while most chicks don't like being called "big" (myself included), I took it as a compliment given the fact that besides being kind of tall, I am not actually all that big.

Chu. (The only time I have been in there and he WASN'T eat AND Smoking, plus he's kind of looking up in this photo. I just think he's not used to be photographed).Just trying to prove that I fit in. La Chiquita Market loves blond haired, blue eyed, white girls, I promise!

Jm: Is Daniel's skin brown from dirt or brown from God?

Me: Dirt. So, I went over there again this afternoon - again, don't judge me. It may or may not have been the second time today I have been there.

Jm: It just has to do with your current distance from the wagon?

Me: Exactly, ok it's the third.

Jm: Wow, you are far!

Me: I think I told you in the disclaimer portion of our relationship that I would not have made a very good pioneer. Super not good with wagons.

Jm: hahaha.

Me: Anyway, I just went back and there was this new homeless guy.

Jm: If you are such a regular, why don't you start a tab with Chu?

Me: Well, you see, Chu speaks Laotion. Clearly, he would rob me. And, I would have no idea if he was right or wrong. So, I like to pay up front. But, I will have you know that today I stole from Chu. It was not intentional. The new brown from God dude got me all flustered. He was all creepy and staring me up and down. And, he looked straight at me and said "you are the prettiest girl I have seen..." And, then he kept thinking and thinking and stammering. And then he ended with "in two year. Yep, that's right, in about two years." And, I said thank you and he was still creepily staring at me. And, usually I buy two diet cokes at a time. That's right - I can't even see the wagon right now! But, since it's the end of the day, I only took $.50 instead of a $1. Because, it was late in the day and I only NEEDED one diet coke to get me through the day. And, in my haste, I took two, and only paid for one! So, I stole. But, don't worry tomorrow I will give him $1, but take only one diet coke. Don't worry, he barely ever looks up anyway.

Jm: So, Daniel your favorite homeless man made you steal? Or a different brown guy? Because I thought Daniel was brown from dirt? It's all very confusing.

Me: No, Daniel did not make me steal. New guy - who claims I am "the prettiest girl" he's seen in "two years." I am not sure what that's about? But, he DOES look like he might have just been released from prison...

Jm: But, the fact is you stole, and most likely it's because you're an addict and addicts steal to support their addictions. I'll bet you Chu started your tab today. He noticed. Wrote it down. And, in a few days he'll tell you that you took 5 diet cokes instead of just one.

Me: Maybe. And, if he does, I will pay him $2.50 to ease my conscience. But, truthfully, usually he just takes the money and never looks up. I, however, will remember this UNTIL I pay him. I better learn how to say "I accidentally stole this." in Laotian.

Me: Are you getting excited?

Jm: For your explanation to Chu tomorrow? For your next encounter with the new brown guy? For your yellow sailor pants? For you to tell me about how much cake you ate and then how many miles you ran?

Me: Well, of course, you should be excited about all of the above.

Jm: And, I am!

Me: But, no. I am blogging about something you're going to love. Consequently, I ate NO cake today.

Jm: Unfortunate.

Me: I ate no breakfast at all. But, I did run 7 miles - very slowly, I might add.

Jm: hahaha. You think cake and you think breakfast?!? Amazing.

Me: Well... who doesn't?

Jm: You're right. Probably no one.

Please note. The next day I paid Chu $.50. My debt is paid. All is right with the world. I did not steal, only borrowed, which is more than I can say for most of his other patrons.

Wow

2011-09-19T13:40:00.001-07:00

This photo just about pushes me over the edge...

Bucket List Item #1: Top this photo.

Ebay = Stress

2011-09-15T15:14:00.000-07:00

So, last night I was having a bit of trouble sleeping. But, finally I fell asleep for about a few hours, and then I was awakened by an earthquake... and then after I got a 3 AM diet coke, I started looking on ebay. (I can't explain it, that's just how my brain works).

Now, first I should mention that I need NOTHING. But, if I had to pick one thing I need the LEAST, it would be clothes.

But, there it was, the cutest little top from Anthropolgie, selling on Ebay for $7.49... and so I bid. And, for 14 straight hours, I started planning my life... all around this cute little top. I had so many outfits all made up in my head. It is such a cute top.

The last 5 minutes of the auction were stressful... I mean SO stressful. I think I might have developed an ulcer. Ugh.

And, BAM... out of nowhere, another bidder, and then another... and another ... next thing I know, some chick in New Jersey shattered my dreams and won the top that I wanted.... Now, I guess she gets to have the life I wanted... the one I dreamed of for 14 straight hours (which is long for me to have the same plan... or any plan really)!

Sigh...

But, when I really think about it, my life plan wasn't that grand after all. Because that cute little top... the one I saw adorned on my body in the eternities... well, it was actually a size too big. And, in my head I thought 'I could totally eat my way into that!'

And, no good plan ever started with those words.

So, I guess all things work out for the best.

These shirts are awesome.

2011-09-02T15:49:00.000-07:00

The other day I saw someone rocking this shirt....

Huh? Trees are cool. I dig 'em. But, that does not make them people. So.... someone explain that one to me?!? I have been confused all week. The same way my mom was confused in Kung Fu Panda when she leaned over to me about a dozen times and whispered "How can the duck be the Panda's dad?!?"

About 6 months ago my rather rotund co-worker was rocking this t-shirt....

... with about 8 inches of his undercarriage (belly) exposed. And, in my head I thought 'if I had small children, I would warn them to stay away from you, because you look like a creeper'. Let it be known, he was also wearing sweats... which is not really work place attire, right?!?

And, then I saw this shirt... which I think is awesome. And, I want it.

Who am I kidding?!? I want one of all of these.

"Whoa, the compliments in this place..."

2011-08-24T16:40:00.000-07:00

... that's what Jackie said when I repeated to her that the Receptionist at our office told me that I look like Freddy Krueger when I walked by her this morning.

Um, is that the horror guy that had his face lit on fire? Maybe, I don't really know who Freddy is? But, I am assuming one of us is a little off.

The Receptionist likes me. At least she claims to. (So, what if it's a direct result of the fact that I often bribe her with bagels). I can only imagine what she'd say if she DIDN'T like me.

Just another day at the office...

I AM working on a real post and I have been for about a month, just waiting to have more than 15 minutes to finish it.

Gratitude

2011-08-23T23:02:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been so overwhelmed with work that I tend to get easily irked.

So, today I decided to take a moment or two and express my gratitude for a few things.

I am super glad I live in California.

I mean, no matter how crappy my day has been here, it could always be worse...

I could live in Arizona (116 degrees?!?! You've got to be kidding me!)

Virginia... oh the distruction....

New Goal

2011-07-23T13:37:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning at 5:45 am (which was the first problem) to run my 18 mile training run (this was obviously the second problem) in preparation for my 4th marathon. And, as I rolled out of bed I decided 'I am not sure I really like running anymore!?!'

Lucky for me, I had about 3 hours to ponder that thought and try to run around it. But, in the end, after 3 hours of running and thinking and listening to A bit Stronger on repeat A LOT, I decided that it might be time for a new goal, as well as a new left hip and a right knee replacement. This marathon thing is harder when you're an old lady, like me.

But, seeing as it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks, my new goal has to be something I am already pretty adept at. So... what have I got to choose from... hmmmm???

I am pretty sure that even though I am very proficient consumer, I couldn't hold a candle to the shopping habits of a lot of the women in the O.C.

What else have I got?!? I DO eat like a truck driver most days... maybe I can turn that into some sort of a goal... oh wait, my idea has already been taken by this lady... who, as it turns out, has over a 550-pound advantage over me right now. Man, I can't seem to catch a break these days.

Guess, I should just stick to the training then.

However, it was suggested to me this morning, by the 8-year-old I am tending for the weekend, that I "marry David Archuleta, and if he says no, Michael Jackson." I politely informed little Ian that David was wee bit young for me and that M.J. had died (as if that was the ONLY reason that MJ was not a great idea for my soulmate). He seemed to be O.K. with David being to young, but refused to believe that the passing of MJ somehow eliminated him from being a viable candidate for my future spouse, until I suggested that marrying the deceased HAD to be against the law. Well then... that seemed to give me an out. Ian didn't think that breaking the law was a good idea. Whew... otherwise, this may have been a good option for a new goal.

Oh China....

2011-07-21T23:20:00.000-07:00

Why are you so unique?!? Or are you?!?

China's latest craze - Dyeing pets to look like jungle animals!

Of course it is.

Thank you China!

And, thank you Jare! ;)

But, just so you know... Mexico beat you to it. It was their craze first. Perhaps, for different reasons, but still...

Frontal Lobe

2011-07-20T15:38:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid my older brother, Adam, used to taunt, torture, and tease me on a daily basis. These days, he only does it when I go visit him in Connecticut. There are two very vivid taunting memories from my childhood that stick out the most to me.

The first experience happened when I was 12. As a church group, we drove to the LDS temple in LA to participate in Baptisms for the dead, which most of you know, is an ordinance that LDS people often participate in to baptize, by proxy, for persons who have passed on and were never able to be baptized while they were alive. Anyway... my older brother REALLY wanted me to be in the car with him and his other teenage buddies, which was super awesome to me, because usually big brothers never want their little sisters around... except when they plan to torment their sister(s). And, this, you see, is when I should have known better. But, I travelled the 2 hours from Santa Barbara to Los Angeles in a car full of 15- to 17-year-old boys, listening to how brave I was. As, clearly I was aware I was willing to actually physically push dead people under the water. He and his friends had me convinced (and bawling, tears streaming down my face) that I was going to ACTUALLY be performing the baptism on a dead person(s). Adam said some of the deceased didn't even get cleaned off first, bloody, guts spilling out, gun shot wounds, sometimes stiff. He told me sometimes the bodies break in half. I was 12. And, I was petrified. YET, when we got to the L.A. temple, I was all in, still willing to be baptized for the dead. So what if I was blubbering like a lunatic, I was still willing to perform the ordinance, because I was obedient (and also stranded in L.A.). Luckily, my brother was just the biggest punk there ever was! And, once I met up with my mom she assured me that my brother was a prankster and all I had to do was get myself baptized on behalf of the deceased. Ugh. So mean, right?!?

Well, only slightly less mean was his second trick. A trick that lasted (and continues to last) much much longer. Whenever I would ask Adam if I could play a game, or watch a movie, or go to an activity with him, he would ask me "how old are you these days?" And, no matter what my answer was, I was always just a year too young. For example, if I wanted to play Uno, he'd ask how old I was. "10? You're 10? That's too bad, you have to be 11 to play this game." Or if I wanted to watch TV with him he'd ask again... "14. I am sorry, you have to be 15 to watch the Simpsons." Mind you, after the age of about 8 (maybe even younger), I knew he was just making it up. But, still I was not permitted to play, watch or participate in many things if it was up to Adam, with the exception of being his tackle dummy whenever he learned a new wrestling move. Somehow, I was always miraculously old enough to have the banana splits performed on me daily (regardless of the number of times I assured my big brother "my legs don't go that way!!!")

Anyway, just the other day I was listening to this world renowned human psychologist speak about how the frontal lobe in the human brain is not fully developed until the age of 25. (Mind you, this is taken totally out of context. I was not just sitting around waiting to hear this. If I told you all that her testimony was in reference to the Casey Anthony trial, that might make a lot more sense to all of you who know me well). Her argument being that no person should be allowed to make emotional, behavioral or problem-solving decisions until the ripe age of 25.

Bam! How awesome it that knowledge for anyone over the age of 25! Lucky for me, I am in Young Womens. And, my roommate is (until September) still 24 years of age.

As you can imagine, I have thoroughly enjoyed telling the YW (and my roommate) that their frontal lobes are not yet fully formed and therefore, I am right and they are wrong.

It's the only time in my life that I've had any scientific (or any other) advantage that worked in my favor.

And, CLEARLY now I can see why this game was so much fun for my brother!

Keep Calm....

2011-07-07T11:46:00.001-07:00

Ya ya ya, we get it. These little keep calm sayings are all the rage.

And, I must admit that I too have one of these little magnets "Freak out and eat cake".

But, come on... I think we've gone overboard just a tad.

But, to be honest, I HAVE seen a lot of these over the year that actually really made me laugh... or scratch my head, at the very least.

Some People are so Weird!

2011-06-22T23:00:00.000-07:00

Last week I had to take a break from watching the Kardashians (because sometimes they are just too much, but mainly, I think I've seen them all.) And, so I came home one night and sat on the couch in my stinky running clothes, captivated (and also too lazy to move) watching the show "My Strange Addictions", which is awesome.

I don't know when or why I stopped posting about my own life and started posting things I find fascinating, but make no mistake - (1) when I get a life, I will start talking more about it and (2) these people make my normal mundane life(style) seem extraordinarily laudable. And for that, I love each and every one of them.

This is Adele. She has eaten 7 couches and 2 chairs. "The darker the cushion... the better the flavor." - Bless her heart!

This is Lauren. She only has time for fur. Bless her heart!

I am not sure what this dude's name is. But, his girlfriend's name is Shechon. "Shechon likes footrubs." She's the perfect girlfriend?!? But, don't worry, this dude's already planning to cheat on her. What is with dudes?!?

This lady eats pottery and when she needs to mix it up, cigarette ashes. Do you think this is a gluten-free diet?

This is Cyntrelle. And, with the exception of her name, I can't find anything wrong with her. I would like her to move in with me!

I also don't find anything wrong with this dude. And, I would LOVE to sit next to him on a plane. So, I don't see what the big deal is. He's from Florida... so...

Hunger Games

2011-06-09T17:03:00.000-07:00

Any of you read that book, The Hunger Games? I read most of it, then I got distracted, because I am totally like that. And, so I think I have a few chapters left. But, anyway. It's pretty good, because it LUDICRIS? Or is it???

This guy doesn't think so.

Jaron sent this to me today. Lately he is my most constant form of true entertainment. He finds the raddest stuff. I am pretty sure he spends his days reading magazine articles from across the globe. Plus, he's a Socialist. So, as you can imagine he's VERY entertaining. Honestly, read it. It's rad... a guy who wants to play chicken with a lion = Awesome! I love how the interviewer is totally making fun of the dude, and he of "superior" intelligence, doesn't even realize it.

As, I read this little interview, I was reminded of the time when Brad Maza and I were driving in his car to play racquetball. And, his mom called and the conversation went something like this...

Brad's Mom: Hi honey, I was calling to ask you if you heard about Sigmond and Floyd?
Brad: Who are Sigmond and Floyd?
Brad's Mom: Those boys down in Vegas. The ones that play with the cats. One of them gotten eaten today!
Brad: You mean, Siegfried and Roy?!?

That conversation has had me laughing for years now. But, then again, maybe I am just really easily amused.

Dear Male Senator(s), Athletes....

2011-06-06T13:52:00.000-07:00

... and all men in general,

Should you feel inclined to take a photograph of anything and send it to any lady or ladies, these are photos we as ladies are cool looking at:

1. photos of diamonds or other jewelry
2. photos of flowers
3. photos of your grandparents, parents, friends, kids, nieces, newphews, etc.
4. photos of your dog
5. photos of your bank statements
6. photos of your six-pack, but only if you have one.
7. If, and only if, you have to take a photo of SOMETHING, you can send a photo of your latest meal OR some awesome car, but please do this sparingly, because seriously, we don't care AT ALL. But, at least it's not offensive.

And, these are photos we have LESS THAN ZERO interest in seeing:

1. Photos of anything or anyone that may have died or been really injured.
2. Photos of some injury or illness in which you are about to self-operate or cure.
3. Photos of anyone's cat.
4. Photos of people who have fallen asleep - this is only interesting to men.
5. photos of other girls you might find hot
6. photos of ANY kind of bowel movement.
7. Photos of your junk. - Serious NO ONE wants to see this. NO ONE. Trust me, I took a poll.

*** Please note, this opinion is not solely mine, but reflects the views of all NORMAL women. So take note.

Random Ramblings

2011-06-02T10:10:00.000-07:00

A few years back I was singing in my office. This guy I work with, Jonathan, walks by and tells me that there is no way I am ever going to make it on American Idol. And, so I said to him "why, I am really bad?" and his reply was "yes, you are. Plus, you're too old." And, that's why I love working in a male-dominated industry. They keep me humble.

I bring up this little memory because lately I have been thinking about how quickly I would get kicked off the Biggest Loser (assuming they would let me on it). Diz and I used to pour ourselves ginormous bowls of cereal and sit in our workout clothes watching the show, and talk about how we wanted to go on the show for just 1 week. Basically, in support of my theory I would like to point out that in the past 2 1/2 weeks I have run 66 miles and swam 17. Want to know how much weight I lost? 3 pounds. That's it. 3 stinkin' pounds. All I do is exercise!?! Basically, I would be the worst person ever on the Biggest Loser.

Also, I have not had a diet coke (or any other caffeinated beverages) for 33 days. So, I feel as if someone should give me a gold coin. And, if that coin happens to be made of chocolate, I won't be mad.

See, I am pretty sure it's statements like that last one that are keeping me out of the Biggest Loser. Sigh...

OVHS Swim Banquet

2011-05-25T23:38:00.000-07:00

Because it's been a while since I've posted any photos that actually have me in them, I am posting about my first swim banquet as a coach, using as few words as possible, because I am tired and lazy. And, according to my 7-year-old nephew (and many others, I am sure) I am a chatterbox. So, I figured I would keep this post short.

(My friend Sara a.k.a. Coach Spils)

(Herm, me, Christina & Sara - the coaches)

(Some of our rowdy, but fun, Varsity swim boys)

(Some of my cute little favorite J.V. babies)

(Sweet little Alba)

I came. I presented. There was no time to eat. It was HOT on that stage. I loved being a coach. I loved those kids. I will miss them. But, I will not miss waking up so bloody early.

A post for my friend Claire

2011-05-23T11:01:00.000-07:00

I found this little quote someplace on some blog that I would cite, if I could remember which one. But, at least I am admitting it isn't mine, that's good enough right?

Dear Claire Monkey Manville,

This one made me smile and think of you.

Loves!

Als.

Some pretty awesome advice

2011-05-15T23:57:00.000-07:00

I saw these little advice notes on this blog today, and I thought they were pretty funny:

I just keep thinking... it shouldn't really be THAT complicated right?!?

Which is why I loved this one:

Ha ha ha... never ACTUALLY felt like that, but still, I can understand the sentiment.

Too much to do.

2011-05-13T10:58:00.000-07:00

I usually have a lot going on. I am just THAT person.

But, I KNOW I have even more than a lot going on when I start making lists.

List girl.... I am not THAT person.

But, so far today I am already on my second list.

And, the first thing on that second list is:

1. Find first list...

I have a feeling this is going to be a llllllllllllooooooonnnnnnnnggggggg weekend.

Jacob's Big Day...

2011-05-08T10:10:00.000-07:00

I was reminded this morning that it has been a long while since I blogged. So, I decided to post a little update.

Since, I just unpacked my suitcase last night, it still seems relatively recently that I went to Connecticut to see my nephew Jacob get baptized.

My parents picked up my other two nephews who are around Jakey's age and they all flew out. Papa and Adam took the boys to a Red Sox game and Jacob had a Red Sox birthday cake (which was SO good).

While I was there, I took my nieces to get manis/pedis. It was Sadie's first time at the Salon. She ate her nail polish off in about 3 hours. But, she loved it! She was all smiles, as were Izzy and Sadie. It's our tradition. I always try to take my nieces to get their nails done. They feel like such grown-ups.

We played games, cooked, ate, and I slept a lot. The kids kept calling me "the sleeping giant." But, ask my roommates, if you turn on the t.v. and don't give me anything else to do... I am out! Plus, with four kids nuzzled into me, it was just so cozy. We had a lot of fun, and I miss everyone already!

I didn't bring my camera, so I only have these grainy photos from my phone. But, they should do.

All day, Jacob kept asking "Am I am member of the church yet?!?" I have never seen anyone so excited to get baptized. Congratulations Jakey, I am so proud of you!

Do Not Resuscitate?

2011-04-21T16:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I forget that Jackie is not Mormon. And, that she did not go to BYU. And, that although she says awesome things like "Is she in our ward?" or "Can we kick him out of the ward?", she often doesn't know all the Mormon vernacular that I assume she does.

The other day we were talking about something or someone and I used the acronym DTR, which, now that I think of it, is something I have only ever heard Mormons say. DTR = Define The Relationship. And, as you can imagine, guys HATE DTRs.

Anyhooo.... I said something to the effect of '...so and so was having a DTR...' and Jackie said "Do not resuscitate?!?"

After much laughter, I decided that from now on, in my world, these so-called conversations where girls want to know what part of their relationships are of any use the them and boys just mainly want to run for the hills or as one guy said to me once "I feel like I am going to throw up!" will hereby be known as DNRs - because let's face it, that's basically what happens to the relationship after you have the DTRs.

"Parents, don't dress your girls like tramps"

2011-04-19T17:00:00.000-07:00

Now that Robin and Cody are back from Arkansas, I get to have Family Home Evening again. Most Mondays we grab dinner and just talk. They are two of my favorite people, so it's always a good time. Last night we were talking about parents and kids and what parents allow their kids to wear these days.

I work with the youth at church. And, I coach a high school swim team. So, I have a very good idea of what teenagers (both religious and non-religious) are wearing these days. And, I must say, it is more often than not VERY frightening.

When I was in junior high and most of high school, (with the exception of my Freshman and Sophomore year, when I had stopped swimming and was a bit pudgy), I was rail thin. I measured 5'8 when I was 14, only an inch shy of my ultimate stopping point. And, on a day where I might have eaten a really big meal and dessert, I weighed about 112 pounds. So, as you can imagine, I had less than nothing to show off. I was rail thin with ZERO curves anywhere. Basically, I could have worn anything or nothing and still had about the same sex appeal - the none kind. Still, my parents were pretty strict on what they would buy us.

I was taught to be modest. I remember looking like a Secretary at one of my school dances. Literally, I wore a 2-piece suit with gold buttons, it was crazy ugly! And, I remember looking like a nun for one of my sister's weddings.

I also remember borrowing a bikini from one of my girlfriends and wearing it on a boat for a church outing. SCANDALOUS! My church advisor lectured me, reminding me that I was supposed to wear a one-piece suit. To which my mouthy retort was "well then, which piece would you like me to take off." (This is to-date, the mouthiest I have ever been, and to this day, I still feel guilty about saying it... what a brat!!!) I did get in trouble from my parents. And, my mom questioned where I got that scandalous looking bikini. It all seems silly now. But, I remember it very vividly, and that's what my parents intended.

I was raised in one of those houses where my mom said "no" A LOT. And, once she said no, she never waffled. And, if we asked her too many times, she'd say, "go ask dad." And, when we asked dad, he would ask what mom said. And, when we explained that "she had said no, but...." he said, "then no," not caring all about the "but...."

When I was 16, I remember coming home from school one day and telling my mom about this girl in my class. She had just turned 16 and her dad had told her that she could either get a car or a boob job. I could not wrap my mind around it! And, I am pretty sure I tried REALLY REALLY REALLY hard to convince my mom that if she gave me a car she wouldn't have to give me a boob job, ever! What a deal! She said "no" to all of it. And, I went back to driving the old Ford Escort hatchback, but only on the days that Adam didn't need it, and Jennica didn't need it... because we all shared that hunk of junk and I knew the pecking order, which never favored me.

As an adult, I am extremely grateful for all the times my parents said no. I had boundaries, LOTS of them. And, I know as an adult, I am better because of them.

Today, one of my friends posted this article he found on CNN and I LOVE it. It's written by a sports writer - a 40-something year old dad. And, to me it's super poignant:

Grand Rapids, Michigan (CNN) -- I saw someone at the airport the other day who really caught my eye.

Her beautiful, long blond hair was braided back a la Bo Derek in the movie "10" (or for the younger set, Christina Aguilera during her "Xtina" phase). Her lips were pink and shiny from the gloss, and her earrings dangled playfully from her lobes.

You can tell she had been vacationing somewhere warm, because you could see her deep tan around her midriff thanks to the halter top and the tight sweatpants that rested just a little low on her waist. The icing on the cake? The word "Juicy" was written on her backside.

Yeah, that 8-year-old girl was something to see alright. ... I hope her parents are proud. Their daughter was the sexiest girl in the terminal, and she's not even in middle school yet.

Abercrombie & Fitch came under fire this spring for introducing the "Ashley," a push-up bra for girls who normally are too young to have anything to push up. Originally it was marketed for girls as young as 7, but after public outcry, it raised its intended audience to the wise old age of 12. I wonder how do people initiate a conversation in the office about the undeveloped chest of elementary school girls without someone nearby thinking they're pedophiles?

What kind of PowerPoint presentation was shown to the Abercrombie executives that persuaded them to green light such a product? That there was a demand to make little girls hot?

I mean, that is the purpose of a push-up bra, right? To enhance sex appeal by lifting up, pushing together and basically showcasing the wearer's breasts. Now, thanks to AF Kids, girls don't have to wait until high school to feel self-conscious about their, uhm, girls. They can start almost as soon as they're potty trained. Maybe this fall the retailer should consider keeping a plastic surgeon on site for free consultations.

We've been here with Abercrombie before -- if you recall, about 10 years ago they sold thongs for 10-year-olds -- but they're hardly alone in pitching inappropriate clothing to young girls. Four years ago the popular "Bratz" franchise introduced padded bras called "bralettes" for girls as young as six. That was also around the time the good folks at Wal-Mart rolled out a pair of pink panties in its junior department with the phrase "Who Needs Credit Cards" printed on the front.

I guess I've been out-of-the-loop and didn't realize there's been an ongoing stampede of 10-year-old girls driving to the mall with their tiny fists full of cash demanding sexier apparel.

What's that you say? Ten-year-olds can't drive? They don't have money, either? Well, how else are they getting ahold of these push-up bras and whore-friendly panties?

Their parents?

Noooo, couldn't be.

What adult who wants a daughter to grow up with high self-esteem would even consider purchasing such items? What parent is looking at their sweet, little girl thinking, "She would be perfect if she just had a little bit more up top."

And then I remember the little girl at the airport. And the girls we've all seen at the mall. And the kiddie beauty pageants.

And then I realize as creepy as it is to think a store like Abercrombie is offering something like the "Ashley", the fact remains that sex only sells because people are buying it. No successful retailer would consider introducing an item like a padded bikini top for kindergarteners if they didn't think people would buy it.

If they didn't think parents would buy it, which begs the question: What in the hell is wrong with us?

It's easy to blast companies for introducing the sexy wear, but our ire really should be directed at the parents who think low rise jeans for a second grader is cute. They are the ones who are spending the money to fuel this budding trend. They are the ones who are suppose to decide what's appropriate for their young children to wear, not executives looking to brew up controversy or turn a profit.

I get it, Rihanna's really popular. But that's a pretty weak reason for someone to dress their little girl like her.

I don't care how popular Lil' Wayne is, my son knows I would break both of his legs long before I would allow him to walk out of the house with his pants falling off his butt. Such a stance doesn't always makes me popular -- and the house does get tense from time to time -- but I'm his father, not his friend.

Friends bow to peer pressure. Parents say, "No, and that's the end of it."

The way I see it, my son can go to therapy later if my strict rules have scarred him. But I have peace knowing he'll be able to afford therapy as an adult because I didn't allow him to wear or do whatever he wanted as a kid.

Maybe I'm a Tiger Dad.

Maybe I should mind my own business.

Or maybe I'm just a concerned parent worried about little girls like the one I saw at the airport.
In 2007, the American Psychological Association's Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls issued a report linking early sexualization with three of the most common mental-health problems of girls and women: eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression. There's nothing inherently wrong with parents wanting to appease their daughters by buying them the latest fashions. But is getting cool points today worth the harm dressing little girls like prostitutes could cause tomorrow?

A line needs to be drawn, but not by Abercrombie. Not by Britney Spears. And not by these little girls who don't know better and desperately need their parents to be parents and not 40-year-old BFFs.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of LZ Granderson.

Near to you

2011-04-14T15:57:00.000-07:00

No one wants me to get married more than Jackie does. And, I mean no one, myself included.

Every once in a while Jackie will encourage me to go on the internet to find love. She tells me of all the ways I'd be successful. "You're funny." "You're witty." "You are well-written". I always tell her that it's just not my thing. (I don't tell her until she's done complimenting me, of course).

I know people who met on the internet and have married and produced fine looking children. It's entirely possible. But, I am on the computer ALL DAY LONG. The last thing I want to do is go home and get my game on by getting on the computer AGAIN.

I am in general not freaked out or paranoid of much. My rationale for even having cares or concerns about a situation rests solely on my immediate or close to immediate knowledge of people or situations in which my fear would be realized. For example, I have never met anyone who even knows anyone who has a.) been struck by lightning, b.) been bitten by a shark, or c.) been harmed in a natural disater. Sure it happens, but until it happens to someone I know or at least someone I know knows, I am not too worried.

Using that rationale, as you can imagine, in general, I am FREAKED out by marriage (which I am sure is no shock to anyone). I am also SUPER freaked out by dating on the internet.

When I was in college my roommate Natalie met this nice dude on LDS dot something-or-other. (Please note, I went to college at BYU in Provo, Utah). This dude lived about 30 minutes away. He came down a few times a week to take my roommate out. He was pleasant and handsome. He hung out with us roommates from time to time. All seemed to be going smoothly. They dated for 4 or 5 months. And, then one day he just vanished. He wouldn't call my roommate back. So, she called him at his parents house, because he had often called from there. She asked for him by name. His mom asked who she was and why she was calling. After which she informed my roommate that her son had been happily married and was that father of young children.... which I am sure she would have liked to know BEFORE she started dating him. And, that is where my paranoia was born.

Anyway, I am always coming up with additional reasons why I can't internet date. Apparently, the ones I have been given only buy me a few short days of reprieve. "There is no way all these people like long walks on the beach. I go there all the time, no one is walking anywhere. Everyone HAS to be lying," I say. "I am going to give myself carpal tunnel if I internet date. You know how much I talk," I say. None of this helps for long.

So, today I was listening to the news and they were reporting how 30% of all men who internet date are already relationships. I rush in and tell this to Jackie. "30% of all men you meet in the flesh are in relationships. So?" (Not assuaging my fears at all with that rebuttal, but I digress).

So while we are at lunch, Jackie is planning my hypothetically wedding. Whenever we talk about it, the only opinion I have on the subject is that I am going to have a wicked awesome and tasty delicious cake, which is most likely going to be funfetti. So, while we are at lunch today, I am talking about cake and Jackie is mentally dressing me in wedding gowns. And, she says "when you get married to Mr. Close Proximity...." I just busted up laughing. She thinks I am ridiculous. Which is true. But, I maintain that she is equally ridiculous, which is why we get along so well.

Well, it just so happens that all of my friends who play Words with Friends/Word Fued with me on the phone are RIDICULOUSLY slow at playing (yep, that means you Dusty, Mandy, Spencer, Wes and Jeanette (though J IS the fastest). So, I had to take matters into my own hands in order to provide myself with hours of entertainment (and ward off any possibility that I might get Alzheimers in the near future). Today I went to the 'play with a random opponent' tab on Words With Friends and poof, what do you know I am now playing a game with the fastest respondent yet, Dan Sparks.

So, in great anticipation, I tell Jackie that I am coming awful close to internet dating. I am now playing a scrabble-esque game with a guy (I assume) who could live in Minnesota for all I know. I pled my case.

Ali: Jackie, I am playing Words With Friends with Dan Sparks. This is as close as I am going to get to internet dating.
Jackie: You better start spelling some serious words like L-O-V-E and S-I-N-G-L-E and H-O-T S-T-U-F-F ....

Oh, how I love getting dating advice!

Guess what today is???

2011-04-13T12:44:00.000-07:00

It's national 'Help Out Your Blind Friend Day'. Never heard of it? That's because I made it up.

So...... I was doing my friend Claire's taxes because I am a wicked awesome friend like that. (Plus, they were way easy and basic since she doesn't have to do deductions and itemizing and all the stuff my taxes require). I have been paying this CFA to do mine ever since they started getting too complicated. So, I miss a lot of the crazy business that comes along with doing taxes.

As I was doing Claire's 540EZ for the State of California I came across a standard deduction for the blind. And, I thought, hmmm... how blind IS blind? Because I wear contacts that are basically FOR blind people (-3.5). And, I wondered if that would count. But, I am sure if it does, my tax guy already caught that one.

But, aside from wondering about the fiscal implications I could propher from if I was blind (and wondering if technically I AM blind), I wondered why the deduction for the blind? That seems odd. Not that I am anti-blind. Nope. I am not. Anti-ice cream man, yes siree. Anti-fruit (unless we're talking skittles), pretty much, but anti-blind people, no way. I am cool with the blind. I like Stevie Wonder. I mean his crazy '... I just called to say I love you...' song plays on the Musak in my office like 12x a day. I have mad love for the blind.

And, so I was joking around about it. And, there is this guy in my office who knows everything, I am serious, everything, like even more than Dustin Monroe. And, he starts to tell me that blind people are granted lifelong free access into all of the US National Parks. Awesome. And, awkward, since they can't in fact see. It kind of makes me want to go to one just so I can see all the fondling of trees.

Anyway, since I am weird and I do strange and unexplainable things, I looked up some other ways in which blind people catch breaks. And, here are a list of a few of the advantages/perks for the blind:

If you live in Scotland or Norhtern Ireland, you get an allowance... which is awesome.

You don't have to acknowledge people if you don't want to. You can get away with totally ignoring people.

You don't have to be freaked out by bugs, or the boogie man, or the ice cream man.

You don't have to drive when you go out with friends.

You get to take a dog with you most places, which is AWESOME.

There is NO way you had to read Lord of the Flies 3 times in High School like I did. I have such hatred for that book.

You don't have to pay postage?!? That seems odd. But, it's true. Many places you can receive personal information, utility bills, bank statements, etc. for free. In the postage area it reads "free matter for the blind."

You can ride on the bus for free, which I assume would be a totally legitimate and not scary prospect... IF and only IF you were blind.

Apparently, these perks have the other disabled people up in arms. I can just imagine all the people with limps, and lisps and multiple personalities are making faces and flipping off all those lucky blind people... but, it's ok because the blind people can't even see them.

So, on today of all days, I would like to congratulate and recognize all those blind people out there. I am happy you get some perks!

Teenagers these days...

2011-04-07T07:27:00.000-07:00

So, as we all know, I am coaching a high school swim team right now. I helped out occasionally last year, so I already knew it would be fun. And, I work with the youth at church, so I feel like I know how to get on the same level as teenagers. But, I am starting to think that whole "get on their level" approach is backfiring on me. Because these kids have ZERO boundaries when it comes to me. Actually, I am pretty sure if you take me out of the equation, they'd still be brazen. I've decided it's just the nature of a teenager, mostly a teenage boy.

These kids say the most outlandish, awesome, weird, random (and often flattering) things. I figured it was time for me to share a few of them with you. I feel like I should withhold their names because... well, I am not sure I am allowed to publish them. I have no idea what the rules associated with being a "teacher" are, though truthfully I should. I was supposed to have taken this 6-HOUR (that's right) coaching class, as well as CPR/First Aid, but I am SO SO SO lazy, I haven't done so yet. Plus, did I mention that bloody coaching class takes 6-hours??? And, did I also mention that the swim team and I have a mutual understanding about the whole CPR/First Aid thing, being as I said to them "none of you better drown or even fake like you are going to drown, because I won't be able to save you. I have to go to work right after this, and it would be really awkward if I showed up wet. So, if you think you might die, grab onto to another swimmer, or hold the lane line because I am not going to jump in and save you." (And, yes, I did say this... aloud to the kids, I've always been one for full-disclosure... which again is something that puts me on their level). Any whoooooo... Although, I am not technically a teacher, by state law, I have to forfeit 6.5% of my paycheck to the Teacher's Union and so I figure it's best if I just stay away from slandering any of these kids by using their names.

But, before I start with the poolside conversations, can I just say that the Speedo company has a very large double standard when it comes to bathing suit coverage. Girls speedos are almost Amish in the amount of skin they cover (which is good, because if you didn't already know - which I am sure all of you did, you will soon find out that teenage boys are total horn dogs. Yikes). But, the boys Speedos, why oh why do they have to be so tiny?!? Even the kids with NO body fat can't keep their business all covered. I would estimate at least 75% of the boys have their bum cracks exposed while swimming. Ugh. If I had more time, I would write Speedo a strongly worded letter of complaint. But, I don't. So... Anyway, moving on to the poolside conversations.

Some Junior/Senior Boy (to the Male Coach): Who is that girl? New meat? She looks hot. This is going to be fun.
Male Coach: That's your coach you idiot. She's been here every morning for a few weeks now.
Some Junior/Senior Boy (to the Male Coach): Oh oops, don't tell her I said that.
After which the male coach marches over to tell me the story. I look at the kid and he winks at me. Ha ha ha.

Me: Um hey, why don't you try swimming like a normal kid (to this kid that keeps going all Tasmanian Devil and crazy getting in everyone's face while they are trying to swim).
Freshman Boy: Coach, you know what, I am going to do what you say. And, you know why?
Me: Because I am your coach.
Freshman Boy: Because you're my AWESOME coach. And, I like you. Plus, I REALLY don't want you to get mad at me.
And, so the kid swims normal... for about 3 minutes, before he forgets what he's supposed to be doing, or maybe decides that I am not so awesome... who knows.

Same Freshman Boy: Coach, sometimes I feel like you don't REALLY love me.
Me: Really?
Same Freshman Boy: Na, I am just kidding. I know you love me.
Me: Ummmm, ok. Just keep swimming.

Me: Why are you following me around? (We were at a swim meet and this kid was glued to my side for a long long time).
Same Freshman Boy: Um, I don't know.
Me: Well, can you go over there with all the other kids? I really don't think you are supposed to hang out with me.
Same Freshman boy: Why?
Me: It's creepy. You have got to start hanging with the kids that are your own age.

Freshman Girl: Coach do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Sometimes.
Freshman Girl: Do you have a boyfriend NOW?
Me: No.
Freshman Girl: Well, then I think you should go on Match.com. Have you seen the commercials? You could totally find a boyfriend.

Different Freshman Boy: Coach, I think I could swim so much better if you'd give me a good luck hug.
Me: Um... I don't think I am supposed to hug you!?!
Different Freshman Boy: You can, it's ok.
Me: Ummmmmm...

Sophomore Boy: Coach, you look kind of hot.
Me: Thanks, you're like 12, but, still thanks.
Sophomore Boy: Coach, I am 15.
Me: Exactly, that's what I meant. It's all the same thing.
Sophomore Boy: No way.
Me: Yes way. Trust me.

Random Kid in the Parking Lot: Do you go to school here?
Me: No, I am old. (And, I am totally laughing. I get flattered when people card me at clubs these days... like I am such a clubber and all, but anyway....)
Random Kid in the Parking Lot: You are like a M.I.L.F.
Me: That is inappropriate. Plus, I don't have any kids.
Random Kid in the Parking Lot: Well, you would be, if you did.
Me: STILL, INAPPROPRIATE. Now go to class.

Freshman Girls: Coach, why aren't you here in the afternoons?
Me: Because, I have a real job.
Freshman Girls: This isn't your real job?
Me: Nope. This job pays about as much as babysitting.
Freshman Girls: Well, then it's a good thing you got yourself a real job!

Different Sophomore Boy: Coach, can I have your number.
Me: What for?
Different Sophomore Boy: In case I need to call you.
Me: Why would you need to call me?
Different Sophomore Boy: I don't know. I just might.
Me: Ummm....

YIKES! I will have you all know, that Jackie has given me a new nickname. Sometimes when I get to work she says something to this effect 'How was swimming this morning, Mary Kay?'

No Thank you.

2011-04-03T16:00:00.000-07:00

There are so many things I keep trying to love. So many people (and society in general) make me believe that I am supposed to like the following, But.I.Just.Can't: 1. Lipstick. Sure, it looks lovely. But, I hate it. I hate wearing it. I hate the feel of it. I hate having colored lips. I just hate it. But, I have about 15 tubes of it. Because, every once in a while I try to convince myself that if I get just the right shade, I just might... Nope, still hate it. HATE. 2. Jewelry. Again, I love the look of it. And, sometimes I can wear a watch and sometimes I can wear a necklace, but hardly ever at the same time. Earrings stay on for like 4 minutes tops. And, bracelets stay on until I get to work and have to take them off because I can't type with antything swinging from my wrist. But, I have an entire dresser full of jewelry. 3. Plugs. I am not talking about the kind that bald guys get (though, I am not sure I am a big fan of those either, since I loved shaved heads, but...), I mean those RIDICULOUSLY big holes that teenagers (mostly) put in their ears. RIDICULOUS. Seriously. I read an article recently about a musician that got totally tatted up at a young young age so that his only career path would be music. But, I just can't believe that there are that many spots open for musicians that make much money. Not a good idea. 4. Cheese. Woof. Gross. I know, it's weird. I was called anti-American the other day. To which I refuted that I was a bi-centenial baby born in Washington D.C. Both are true. I am American alright. So, take that. 5. Smart Cars. Oh.My.Gosh. I still can not believe that those cars are not jokes. They are also very very ridicuolous. 6. Male Speedos. I am a swimmer (or at least I was). But, come on! The male Speedo seldomly covers the butt crack of any male. Plus, they are just so small and tight, and... the water is usually so cold... and... ugh... it's one of the hardest parts about coaching. So.much.crack. Ugh. In my ever so humble opinion, the world would be a better place without these things. I sure wish people listened to me. Anyone, really. But, if the last 2 weeks of my life have taught me anything, it's that no one does.

Road Rage

2011-03-22T14:00:00.000-07:00

The other day Jackie and I were driving to lunch.

My role is not much different than Morgan Freeman's in Driving Miss Daisy. I drive and Miss Daisy (Jackie) makes wise cracks. Though, I do let her sit in the front seat.

To say "Miss Daisy" is used to my driving would be an understatement, as she has been the passanger in my car almost daily for the past 2 years. So, I was thrown off the other day when when she was all fidgety and nervous.

Me: What's wrong, I don't have road rage or anything.
Jackie: It's not you I am worried about. It's this guy. He's all over the place. He's a mess. And, he's ALREADY killed someone driving. Look at his car, there's a sticker to prove it 'In loving memory...'

I.love.Miss.Daisy. And, that's why I drive her around for free!

Big Bear

2011-03-17T18:45:00.000-07:00

We came.

We snowboarded.

I lost my phone (again).

But, then I found it.

And, here's a photo.

Thanks Landon!

The end.

Updated: I found some more photos... on my roommate's camera. Thanks Diz.

Need. More. Sleep.

2011-03-11T09:21:00.000-08:00

Since the beginning of February (when I started waking up at 4:30 AM to coach the OVHS swim team) I have been averaging between 4 and 5 hours of sleep a night.

And, plain and simply, that just isn't enough. I am starting to do weird things. Things that people do only when they need more sleep.

This morning I grabbed a pair of pants out of my closet, but decided I wanted to wear a different pair. So, I got dressed, but didn't want to put on my leather booties (the water tends to jack those puppies up when it splashes on me). So, I carried the shoes out to the car with me. I also carried the first pair of pants with me as well - in case I wanted to change mid-day like an Academy Award emcee, or in case I wet myself and they didn't have a spare set of pants in the nurses office?!? Yikes.

I Have NEVER Been Good At...

2011-03-09T23:01:00.000-08:00

1. Giving up diet coking.

2. Dating.

3. Performing.

4. Budgeting (though I am decent at saving money, go figure).

5. Saying No.

6. Not eating sweets for breakfast (or lunch, or dinner, or any time in between).

7. Keeping plants alive.

8. Not falling asleep while saying my prayers at night.

9. Sitting still.

10. Tennis, softball/baseball, volleyball, or soccer... eww and ballet (yikes!) or any other kind of dancing come to think of it. Basically, if I pass that sobriety test where you can walk in a straight line, I'd call it a good day! Actually, now that I am typing this all out, I can see that I am not an athlete at all, which is kind of a shame, since I have an "athletic build", so that sucks.

11. Anything that has to do with technology... which is why I found all of these wrong numbers and predictive text goof-ups really funny...

I tried using predictive text once. It was unitentional, of course. One day my phone just started doing it, unbeknowst to me. I am not sure which button got pushed. But, I was sending out the craziest messages. And, I remember thinking, who would predict that ANYONE would ever say this? But, I didn't know how to undo the message once it was entered. So, away these messages went and all day I got these 'what the what???' type responses. But, I quickly found someone a lot more tech savvy than me (which may or may not have been a 9-year-old) to undo the default setting, so I could hunt and peck my way through a text message again.

Just because I liked this...

2011-03-07T14:15:00.001-08:00

Things On My Mind Lately...

2011-03-02T15:32:00.000-08:00

I feel like my thoughts are super erratic, but that's probably because they are. I felt like sharing a few with you.

1. I have been having a lot of dreams lately where people are mad at me. Not just kind-of-ticked-so-I-am-going-to-ignore-you-or-look-at-you-sideways mad, but full-on yell-in-my-face mad! And, even in my dreams I am not crying. I am laughing. Inappropriate reactions, even in my dreams?!? Am I really THAT dead inside. I hope not. Sad! And, why do I keep dreaming that everyone is upset with me? Hmmm....

2. Where does Charlie Sheen keep finding these wives and Goddesses? And, why do we care?

3. Why do single people have SUCH a hard time committing?!? Not just to a significant other, but in general. Like to dinner or a road trip? Or whatever. It's not THAT hard.

4. If I ever have any daughters I am going to have a 3 bow minimum - kind of like the minimum amount of "flare" Jennifer Anniston was required to wear in Office Space.

5. Why are there roosters in Santa Ana?

6. Why are all my nieces and nephews SO into Webkins?

7. How is it I am so anal about keeping my house clean when my car is DISGUSTING?

8. Why is it so hard for me to not drink so much diet coke? Geez.

I think that's all for now.

Spelling Test

2011-02-24T11:18:00.000-08:00

First of all... warthog?!?

Second of all... E-U-C-A-L-Y-P-T-U-S.

Clearly, I can understand if you can't spell eucalyptus if you are just an average run-of-the-mill citizen with not much need to ever spell or talk about the tree. But, if you live there?!? I mean...??? You've NEVER had to fill out your address?!? On anything?!? Like, nothing?

Emergency Shoe Storage?!?

2011-02-23T21:50:00.000-08:00

So... turns out I have 8 pairs of shoes in my car.

Not for any particular reason. Turns out I just switch my shoes out a lot. I am often running from morning practice, to work, to whatever I do after work, to who knows where else.

But, if we ever have a natural disaster while I am driving about. I am sure to be the most fashionable for a while - at least from the knee down.

That is until I have to decide which ones to eat so I can stay alive...

As a side note, these are my favorites.

I keep these in my car permanently. I wear them to practice every morning, with my sweats tucked in and whatever I am going to wear to work on top. As you can imagine, I am the picture of class and sophistication when I coach each morning.

Boyz in the Hood

2011-02-18T05:11:00.000-08:00

WARNING: I am attempting to type this blog post with VERY little sleep. I am having one of those weeks where even though I am communicating with people within very close proximity to me, there is quite a time delay in my response during the communications (like unto an international time delay). It's awkward. I used to feign interest in very mundane or inticately detailed conversations in which I had no desire to have. I would nod and add questions and smile politely. Not anymore. Lately, I have been known to say aloud "I am bored" in the middle of one of these such conversations. Today, I was talking to a coworker and I almost fell asleep. I am quite certain that if I keep this up I won't have many friends for long. But, if I retain any, they will most likely be dudes. Because dudes behave very similarly much of the time.

This weekend I had a mainly dude weekend. I totally felt like one of the boys. I listened to ridiculous music that was meant to be comical, but was mostly just dumb and crude. I played a game where we ranked girls entirely on their looks. I peed in the desert. I shot a real live gun (and did not kill anyone or anything). I gawked at scantily clad women dancing in cages and on platforms, I heard WAY to much about covered wagons and other bodily functions. And, I ate A LOT of meat.

I went to Vegas to celebrate the 30th birthdays of some of my good guy friends. I got VERY little sleep. (Add the trip to my current sleep schedule which requires me to wake up at 4:30 AM every morning in order to coach the OVHS Swim Team's morning practices and you see why I am falling asleep standing up these days). But, it was well worth the lack of sleep. We had a lot of fun. (Although, I am REALLY excited to be one of the girls again).

Yes Please!

2011-02-16T15:09:00.000-08:00

Umm... Have you tried these?????

They had me at cupcake.

They complete me.

The Quiz

2011-02-07T22:23:00.001-08:00

My friend Marie is a Health teacher. Tonight while we were watching the Bachelor, Marie had me take/edit her quiz. I did ok on most of the questions. However, I think I might have missed this one...

Q. If you or someone you're close with struggles with excessive anger you can suggest:

a. visiting the counselors' office

b. visiting 7-11

c. being mean to the family dog

d. complaining to your friends

Well, I picked b. I thought everyone would pick b. Clearly a diet coke from your local convenience store would heal any excessive anger. Nope, turns out you're supposed to go to the counselors' office. Hmmm... I will think about it, but I doubt that's going to happen... ever.

Solidarity

2011-02-07T13:15:00.000-08:00

Today I am a little bit nutty. I mean, I feel like one of those crazy girls that guys are afraid of. But, just today (mainly).

I am blaming it on the nominal amount of sleep I have been getting. Last night was kind of a late night, and I am coaching again for the Ocean View High School swim team. So, I have to BE to practice at 5:30 (in the AM)... Yikes. So... today I am just going to go with lack of sleep as the primary catalyst for my behavior, because I am having a chick-batty kind of day.

1. I ate 5 skinny cow ice cream treats (so what if they only have 100 calories). I ate 5! And, it's only 1 PM. I think in this scenario, I should just drop the skinny and call 'em cows, or call myself one. 5! It's kind of an accomplishment, really. I didn't ACTUALLY swim this morning, in fact the most movement I had was pacing the length of the pool to show my kids how to breast stroke, when all they want to do is bounce from one end to the other and see if I won't bark at them for touching the bottom. But, still I worked up such an appetite, I had to have 5!!! skinny cows. (Ok, moving on, I promise).

2. I want to strangle ALMOST everyone I have talked to today. It's just one of those days. I feel like I should wear a sign to warn people. And, by people I mean the guys in my office, who before today thought I was normal (well, maybe not normal, but at least pretty even tempered and pleasant).

3. In the past 24 hours I have been more fickle than I can ever remember being. I am all over the place. Whoever I liked last week, I detest this week. And, whoever I just swore I couldn't stand, I am totally enamored of today.

And, of course all of these crazy thoughts I share with my co-worker Jackie, who has asked me to change her name to protect her identity/innocence. So, I am calling her Brenda for the rest of this post (wink, wink). Brenda has the unfortunate responsibility of working with me daily. She's awesome.

First, she doesn't tell me I am a nut job. Ever. Never, ever. And, she probably should.

Second, she doesn't really think it's that weird that I had 5 treats before lunch. Last week when I ate slightly fewer treats (but, still more than a person should), we had this conversation:

Brenda: How do you not get fat?
Ali: Well, tonight I will go home, run about 8 miles and not have dinner. But, if I don't, I get fat.
Brenda: Oh, well that makes sense. I usually just go home, eat, and then sit on the couch like a fat bear.

And to make matters worse, I hear that we are having cake today. And, you know how I feel about cake! So, Jackie, I mean Brenda and I can't stop talking about the alleged cake.

Ali: I am so lazy, I couldn't even get up to ask Catherine what happened to the cake. So, I just called her and said 'I just want to make sure I didn't miss the cake.'
Brenda: They are keeping it hostage next door. I am about to give them the finger and buy our own cake!

Third, she's totally on board with whatever I say about the people in my life and my assessments of them and their behaviors. If I was her, I would tell me that I am acting like a psycho. Nope, not Jackie. She thinks I am totally rational... always. I could call the sky purple and she's swear to anyone with a gun pointed to her head that the sky was purple. Love that girl! So today we had this conversation (no joke)...

Ali: Jackie errr Brenda, you are so supportive. I LOVE it. I could come into work and tell you I was going to marry the unibomber and you'd be on board.
Brenda: Well, Ted is educated. And, green (speaking environmentally of course, except for that whole explosion fiasco). Plus, I hear he has a great family! Ali Kaczynski, sounds good, right?

Fourth, she has such high standards and hopes for me. Seriously, she does. It's awesome. And, I am sure to let her down. Trust me.

The other day I was at Henry's Market with Marie. And, for some reason I have to get a drink and drink it while I am grocery shopping. And, since Henry's is a health food store, I had to drink water (bleh). So, when I went to pay, the water was almost gone. And, the cashier/bagger starting chatting about how I could buy a full one (chuckle, chuckle). I explained that I liked to drink while at the store. He carried on about how people feel the same way at a bar. And, he didn't drink beer, he was a wine guy.... yada yada yada... and 5 minutes later he is writing on my receipt where he goes to taste wine. And, he tells me he'll be there on Friday and Saturday. And, he asks if I will meet him there. And, then he writes on my receipt that if I show up I can find "art, music, wine and love". It was hilarious. And, if I didn't already have plans for the weekend... well... no, nevermind, it was NEVER going to happen. So anyway, I tell Jackie.... err, Brenda. And, then I walk by and she's talking about this to Catherine (the Receptionist).

Brenda: ... and then he writes on her receipt...
Catherine: Well, did she meet up with him?
Brenda: No way, Ali DOES NOT date guys who wear name tags! Are you kidding!?!

(Please note, I have NEVER even thought about whether or not I am pro- or anti- name tag dating).

Advice I have been given so far today...

2011-01-31T03:40:00.000-08:00

There is something about me that makes people just want to give me advice. I can never quite figure out what that is, so I can turn it off. As you can imagine, working in a predominantly male-dominated environment yields some AWESOME advice.

So far today, I have been given the following advice:

"You need to learn how to walk sexier." (This WAS in fact followed by a demonstration).

"You're too advanced for that guy. But, you might have to marry and divorce him because the guys you know don't like to move on."

"What's Up with the prison stripes?" -Micah
"Um, actually they're navy." - Me
"Whatever" - Micah
(Just as a side not, half the stripes are vertical, so the prisoner thing never really made sense anyway.)

"You should have kids soon. I don't mean to pressure you, I know it's the middle of the day, but... I still think you should think about it."

My Kind of Fairy Tale

2011-01-21T16:06:00.000-08:00

So, I just re-did my room, as you can see from my last post. And, in doing so, I displayed all the frames I had with old and new photographs of my family and friends in them. I juxtaposed those with some of my very favorite quotes. Looking at all of it showcased together made me all sorts of nostalgic.

I was remembering a conversation that I had a few years ago. I was talking to a good friend of mine. And, I remember telling her that all I wanted was a fairy tale ending and asking her if that was too much to ask for. She said "yes." I totally remember thinking 'that bites.' But, I accpeted that she was probably right. It sounded a lot more realistic then what I imagined. And, that's what I was supposed to be shooting for right? Realism. And so, my reaction to that conversation was pretty similar to my reaction to most things. I just shrugged it off and moved on.

Well, I used to fancy myself more of a realist than a romantic. But, if I am honest, the interpretation of myself I would have to agree the most with aligns most with Ariel Bierbaum when stating "I am hopeless romantic trapped in a cynic's body." Because I could watch the same stupid cheesy movies over and over and over again (and I do). I loved the line in Eat, Pray, Love where the old dude says he could be in love for 10 years with a girl he's never even kissed. It made me laugh. I don't fall often, but when I do, I fall hard. I read something else the other day that also made me laugh, "Dear heart, why him?"

I could also listen to the same mushy songs on repeat (and I do), because I am a sucker for lyrics. And, in one of those the lyrics include this prophetic line "sometimes it takes a good fall to really know where you stand." (Hayley Williams). Now, that's something I can agree with. I guess as I get older, I realize how in every failed relationship, the best outcome you can hope for is to have a better understanding of yourself.

I also love and agree with all things Audrey Hepburn, who said "... I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."

Ms. Hepburn also said "If I am honest, I have to tell you that I still believe in fairy tales, and I like them best of all." This is one of the quotes I have framed in my room. It's sitting next to two other quotes I got from one of my best friends for my birthday last year which incorporate some of the very same thoughts, "Expect Miracles" and "She lived her life in her own little fairytale."

It's true. I do live in my own little fairy tale. I like it there. Hope still resides there, or at least it visits every once in a while. And, that's what keeps me happy.

Alexander Dumas wrote "Happiness is like those palaces in fairy tales whose gates are guarded with dragons: we must fight in order to conquer it." Then bring on the fight.

And, Hans Christian Anderson (the father of fairytales and story-telling) created the paragon for all to follow in insisting that "Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale of all." Isn't that true?!? I guess to me, it's just easy enough to assume that everyone is living some part of their own fairy tale, whether it be the beginning, the end ,or in the middle of the fairytale. After all, isn't each person is fighting proverbial dragons of some sort in order to achieve their own definition of happiness. I am running with that theory, because it makes me happy to think so.

But, if I had to steal someone else's happy ending and call it my own, I could only assume it would go something like this...

Juno: I think I'm in love with you.
Paulie Bleeker: You mean as friends?
Juno: No... I mean for real. Cause you're like the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't ever have to try you know...
Paulie Bleeker: I try real hard, actually.

Bedroom Renovations

2011-01-20T10:36:00.000-08:00

I haven't been blogging lately, because I have been holed up in my bedroom and outside doing house projects and renovating my room for two or three weeks.

But, it's done. And, it looks like this.

Yea, finally a clean and organized room. Now, maybe I should start with my car...

4 Good Reasons.

2011-01-17T10:57:00.000-08:00

This weekend, I had any epiphany - if it wasn't somewhat shameful and a little bit weird, I would enjoy cooking so much more if I could just go back to the days when the only way to cook was an Easy Bake Oven.

Easy Bake Ovens rock!

1. They come in cute fun pastel colors.

2. There is an impossibility that I could burn anything (and/or set-off the smoke detector in my house).

3. Portion Control!

4. The only things that can be cooked in an Easy Bake Oven are cupcakes, cookies and other tasty treats.

I can't find even one con (except for the obvious shame of using the very same device that I gave my 7-year-old niece for her birthday. Maybe I could just sneak it out of the house when no one is looking).

A very FuZzY New Year.

2011-01-07T06:43:00.000-08:00

For New Year's, a bunch of us rented a house in Palm Springs (thank you April and Jess). It was a blast.

I only took about four pictures, because I was doped up on antibiotics and sleeping most of the time. Excuse the fact that I look like a not-so-hot mess, I was pretty sick. Almost all of them are fuzzy. And, I would blame the photographer if I could remember who he/she was, but I can't. In fact, I don't remember much, it's all a blur, just like the photos, but it seems to me like there was a whole lot of people, people not sleeping everywhere, me sleeping anywhere, rock band, that dancing Wii game, more rock band, more dancing Wii game, jacuzzi, BBQ, and martinellis (yes, kids those are sparkling fruity beverages in those glasses, though we do kind of look like lushes, I blame it on the fuzziness and the drugs and the fact that we are getting older, so it was way past our bed time.) and kazoos, and... Oh I may have made Wes and Jeanette listed to Ridin' Solo on repeat the whole way up to Palm Springs, but every once in a while I pretended that we were going to listen to something else, and that was fun.

I NEEDED these...

2011-01-06T21:36:00.001-08:00

A year ago one of my besties bought me the CUTEST calendar.

It looked like this....

I love LOVE loved it, almost as much as I love LOVE love the beautiful bestie that gave them to me. I put three months up in my room at a time.

I miss that little calendar. I suppose I could buy another one. But, instead, I bought these magnets for my fridge ...

Because they're RAD!

And, I love cake, as previously mentioned about 1,000 times on this blog. Maybe I should change the name of my blog to "I love cake". Hmmmm....

I can't decide if I have any or need any...

2011-01-05T12:42:00.000-08:00

... New Year's Resolutions, that is.

I mean, I had two big ones last year. One, get my car registered (which was supposed to happen in November, but two tickets, a smog check and 7 months later, bam - registered!) This year I DID register my car in November. Yea, me! And two, return the movie Duplicity, which I NEVER watched, but kept for four and a half months. (I managed to pull this one off sometime in January, because I am on top of things like that).

I mean, how can I top those?!?! Two resolutions, both met! Done and done. Awesome. I aim low. That way everyone is happily pleased at the outcome, myself included.

This year I have a whole mess of ideas which might be goals or resolutions if properly formulated and/or articulated, but actually haven't gotten very far. And, I am trying to decide if I should even bother?

So far this year I have: gone run/walking once, which made me feel very sore; only drunk one diet coke (or any kind of soda); walked around Target carrying a kettleball, which stretched out and made sore my left arm, that I eventually purchased AND it was all I purchased (though, I have not used it since); gotten a lot of sleep; not purchased any fun things; haven't eaten any junk food or sweets; and... well that's about it.

I mean, I know it's only day 5 of 2011, but there has to be some sort of a New Year's Resolution in there somewhere, right?

White Elephant LOVE!

2010-12-20T16:12:00.000-08:00

Look who's blogging for the 7th time this month! You can thank me later (or now). I got my groove back, but we'll see how long that lasts.

So, I secretly LOVE a really good White Elephant Party. (Guess the secret is out now.)

Last weekend I went to one, a super fun one. And, it made us roommates want to throw one of our own.

Plus, we decorated the house so cute for Christmas, so we figured we'd show it off.

We have a really fun group of friends, and I knew they'd all make a White Elephant Party so much fun. And, it was SO MUCH FUN.

As Lisa VanderPump, my favorite Beverly Hills Housewife, would say "It was a few clowns short of a circus." Just the kind of party I LOVE.

P.S. It's raining ridiculously hard in Cali, and it has been for days. So, the roommies and I decided to wear our finest festive PJs to our party. And, Diz said that her favorite part of the whole night was that I LET her wear her jammies to a party. I guess I am a fashion Nazi. (Although I would like to state I have never told anyone what to wear, without being asked first!)

Who wore it best?!?

2010-12-19T23:49:00.000-08:00

There was a White Elephant party (pictures and post to come)...

that turned into a late night...

that turned into a who wore it best dance pants edition...

starring Dustin & Jeanette.

(I promised Dusty I would not post this on FB, but he conceded to let me post it on the blog. Do you think posting the link to my blog on FB was cheating? If so, I am sorry Dusty, you are a great sport, and as such, I will make sure to post the photo where everyone knows what you truly look like...

Hubba hubba - yes, I just said that, because I am old and that's what we used to say.

All that being said, please vote in my little poll.

Things I love! (and People)

2010-12-17T13:31:00.000-08:00

(In this order).

CAKE

PRESENTS

PRESENTS SHAPED LIKE CAKE

CAKE SHAPED LIKE PRESENTS

CANDY

ICE CREAM/FROZEN YOGURT

CHRISTMAS

CHRISTMAS MUSIC

ANYTHING THAT SMELLS LIKE CHRISTMAS

THE GOSPEL (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints)

CARDIGANS

SHOES

DIET COKE

PRESENTS THAT LOOK LIKE DIET COKE (I actually got one for my birthday, it was RAD).

ANTHROPOLOGIE

TIVO

THE DESPERATE HOUSE WIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS

MODERN FAMILY

PHIL DUNPHY (Actually, he's a person, but a fake one, so basically, he falls into the "things" category. If he actually DID exist and he wasn't married to Claire, I would bite the bullet and get married... to him.)

MY FAMILY (also, people. I LOVE them SLIGHTLY less than I LOVE Phil Dunphy.)

SOUTH COAST PLAZA/FASHION ISLAND

ETSY

MEN THAT FIX STUFF (also people).

ANYTHING KATE SPADE MAKES

TARGET

VACATIONS

SLEEPING

GIVING PEOPLE HIGH FIVES

SHIRTS THAT SAY "FREE HUGS"

SAYING "WE'RE ON A DIET" (But, not actually being on one).

MAKING GOALS (But, not actually keeping them).

SPENDING MONEY

RAPPERS

WATCHING THE SAME MOVIE I HAVE ALREADY SEEN OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN (Same with listening to song and sayings).

KETCHUP/BBQ SAUCE

BBQ CHICKEN SALAD

WHEAT TOAST WITH SPRAY BUTTER.

MODERN MEDICINE

LAS VEGAS

ROOMMATES (which are also in actuality, people, but...)

MY CALLING AT CHURCH WITH THE BEST YW IN THE WORLD.

HOME DEPOT

WIKIPEDIA

RUFFLES, BOWS, SPARKLES

MAKE-UP

DRIVING WHILE EATING

TALKING

TALKING WHILE DRIVING AND EATING

RUNNING

FREE STUFF

COMPLIMENTS

TEXAS

SMART CHEAP BORING MOODY GUYS (also people).

HEADBANDS WITH FLOWERS AND BOWS

MAGIC 8 BALLS AND FORTUNES IN FORTUNE COOKIES

CAFE RIO

STONEFIRE CAFE

SEEING PEOPLE SMILE/MAKING PEOPLE LAUGH

JOKES

ANYTHING FUN

MENTORS

FANTASTIC FRIENDS (also people)

MONOGRAMMED STUFF

HAMMOCKS

BEING OUTSIDE

PILLOWS

ANYTHING THAT HAS A BIRD ON IT OR IS SHAPED LIKE BIRD (but not actually REAL birds).

SPACE HEATERS

PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH

GREAT DEAL AT THE SWAPPIE

T SWIFT

PEOPLE.COM

STUFF THAT'S ON SALE

DANCE PARTIES

COSTUMES (I would wear one every day, if people didn't think I was weird).

WEIRD PEOPLE

CLEAN HOUSES

PEOPLE WHO READ THIS BLOG (also people).

This list may get longer. Wait for it.

Next Up, things I hate! Wait for it.

She's lost her marble!

2010-12-16T16:34:00.000-08:00

As most of you know, back in September our family had quite a scare.

Adam and I flew to Texas to be with my mom, along with my dad, Mark and Kimberly as we waited to find out if her brain tumor was malignant or benign.

Right before he left Connecticut, my brother Adam tried to explain to his cute little children what was going on. And, although the ordeal was quite scary. This story that Adam told us made us all smile, because his kids are just so stinkin' charming.

Adam: You guys, I have to go to Texas for a few days. Meme is sick. She has a tumor in her brain.
Jacob (7): What's a tumor?
Adam: It's a mass of cells/tissues that are abnormal. It's about the size of a marble.
Jacob: Meme has a marble in her brain?!?
Izzy (5): Did she eat the marble?
Adam: Oh my gosh, forget about the marble!

The morning before my mom went in for her biopsy. The kids called. And, Jacob screamed into the phone. "I hope you don't die Meme!" To which she responded, "I hope I don't either, Jacob."

Yesterday, we got some very good news. The tumor is gone. Completely. The doctor's can't even find it!

And, it appears that if all continues to go well, in 6 more weeks my mom will get a break from her favorite nurses and doctors at UT Southwestern. No more Urban Taco for every meal. No more wires and ports. No more mom looking like a cable box. No more chemo! No more marble.

I couldn't be happier. Or more relieved.

And, I just wanted to thank everyone who called, sent flowers, wrote messages, sent emails, etc. I want you each to know that I read/heard every single one. And, each one touched my heart. Thanks for all of your prayers on my mom's behalf. As a family, we feel very honored and blessed and humbled by the whole experience. And, I once again realize how amazingly wonderful my friends and family are.

Drum Roll.... please....

2010-12-13T15:39:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I get dressed up, but not often.

And, sometimes Jackie lets me take pictures of her. Ok, actually that one was a lie. She never really does.

And, since it's a rare occasion for both of us, we went into a photo booth, and this is what came out.

Ladies and Gentlemen, here she is THE Jackie B., my very favorite co-worker and one of my closest friends.

Since she had a little bit of rum and I sneaked her into a photo booth you all get to finally see her.

She does exist. And, she IS super funny. Aren't you all excited to finally see her!?!?!

Isn't she so darling!?!?!?

Excuses, excuses.

2010-12-08T14:56:00.000-08:00

I have a REALLY hard time saying "no" to anything or anyone. But, there are so many days where I think it would be a very very beneficial art to master.

I don't really even know why I can't say no. But, one possibility is that perhaps I don't usually have a really good excuse to say no.

Fear not, I think I have found one.

The next time I need an excuse I am totally going for it "I view my hands as elite athletes, like Olympic athletes, and so anything I do is to protect them from jeopardy or danger. So, for me that means not cooking, or cleaning, no taking out the garbage, no opening windows or doors, no gardening, no sports, no no no..."

Wait for it. If I say "I can't, I am a hand model", it just means no.

P.S. Jackie sent me this video. And, as I was watching it she said, "come on, let's just ask the question everyone wants to know." When I asked what that would be her reply was, "Well let's just say, she must have a massive bidet!"

I made this...

2010-12-02T18:37:00.000-08:00

Turns out I can sew.

Yep, I made this pillow a few weeks ago.

And, stole the idea from here.

Carly supervised as Jean and I tried our skills at being domestic.

It now sits on the bench (that I re-furbished), because I am awesome like that.

Thanks Carly! And, Jean.

My Namesake

2010-11-22T18:26:00.000-08:00

When I was 15-years-old I got a call from my aunt Heidi (my dad's baby sister). She was about to have her 6th child. And, she said she'd always loved the name Ali and wanted to know if it would be cool for her to also call her soon-to-be-born daughter Ali. (Although, little Ali's real name is Alexa and mine is Allison, both of us have always gone by Ali.) And, so she was born - my namesake.

Well, I didn't see much of my namesake, because we never lived close enough, until I went to college at the Y, and Ali's family lived in Orem at the time. When I went to college, Ali was still really young. And, at the end of my college years I drove a JEEP Wrangler (One of my best friends, Wendy, had one, and I loved it. So, that was the first car I ever bought.) Ali and her big sister Katie LOVED the wrangler (and their wicked awesome older cousin Ali). I used to pick them up and take them driving and we'd drag the town in my car with the top down. And, apparently I took them to Red Robin and gave them my spare change?!?! Or so they tell me. (Which was somehow awesome, though I am sure I could have come up with something more impressive right?!?)

Now my namesake is in college herself, running track for UVU and studying to be a nurse. She is amazing and fun. She is adorable and happy. And, she is so animated. And, best of all, she is so comfortable in her own skin. I've always loved to be around her. She is the perfect namesake! She outshines me for sure!

Anyway, a few months back I got a text from my little Ali. She said she was coming to California and she wanted to stay with me. How fun and exciting. She was meeting up with some friends of hers from Lodi, where she graduated from High School. And, they were coming out to see the Ellen Show. And, so when Ali got here she showed us her song, she'd written it for Ellen and sent it in to the show. I knew immediately she'd get to meet Ellen in person. And, I was super stoked for my little cousin.

It is a catchy little song - or plea actually. Wes couldn't stop teasing her at dinner. He'd say/sing "this is my plea for you to pass the salsa"... And, my roommate and Jackie couldn't stop singing the plea around the house and in the office.

She did get on the show. And, when we talked that night, she told me how fun it was. And, then she got on plane and went back to Utah.

Next thing I know, it's a week later and I get a message from my friend Amy saying that Ali was on Ellen again. She had been called by the Ellen show and given a ticket to come back last Friday. When she got onto the show, Ellen told her that since she obviously loved music and the camera loved her, she wanted to send her to the American Music Awards to be a Red Carpet correspondent for the Ellen Show on Sunday.

Ali got to go into Ellen's wardrobe room and pick out a shiny new outfit. And, she got to bring one guest. She picked her big sister, best friend and best cheerleader, Katie, who lives in San Diego. Katie needed an outfit. So, I gave her a cute little Marc Jacobs number from my closet and we went shopping for shoes (because her crazy small feet are a 5 1/2 and I was no help to her). We had a blast trying on clothes and shoes. And, then we went to dinner.

At dinner, Katie and Ali and I were joking around about all kind of stuff. One of which was the fact that Ali had never kissed anyone. Katie said she'd probably marry the first guy she kissed (but somehow that would be two years in the making). And, I told Ali that there was no need to marry the first guy she kissed. If she wanted to make it memorable she should beg for her first kiss standing on the Red Carpet.

And so...

My sweet baby cousin had her first kiss last night... by USHER, and the dude from Lady Antebellum, and Mike Posner.

Well played cousin. You went big! And, you'll never forget it. My little namesake, I couldn't be more proud of you!

Not Very Politically Correct

2010-11-21T23:35:00.000-08:00

So, tonight we had a YouTube video marathon. I never really watch YouTube unless someone sends me something from YouTube. I am nervous to explore it on my own (and also, pretty uninterested, if I am being honest).

Anyway, last night Chris showed us this video which is VERY VERY funny, but it's highly racist.

Actually, the reason this video is VERY VERY funny IS because it's so ridiculously racist.

Tosh.0

Weds 10:30pm / 9:30c

Kid Car Breakdown

www.comedycentral.com

Tosh.0 Videos

Daniel Tosh

Web Redemption

And, I sort-of, kind-of, really have a new found crush on Daniel Tosh. I love a guy who can make the world laugh while barely even cracking a smile. It's a quality I find super attractive. I really admire it. I could never do that. I follow everything funny I say with 'aren't I so funny?!?'

My most amusing dates...

2010-11-10T18:50:00.000-08:00

...usually happen when I am on vacation.

Silent Deadly Ninja Monkeys!?!?!

2010-10-25T23:56:00.000-07:00

This weekend I went to Vegas (which I love altogether too much for a gal who won't drink the kool-aid) to run a Ragnar Relay Race. There were 12 of us that ran 195 miles total - each of us running 3x. Our team name was The Silent Deadly Ninja Monkeys. That's right! I still have no idea what a SDNM is, but as you can imagine, a boy was in charge of the name, so we just tried to wing it. And, it all turned out so perfectly...

Because sometimes we acted like monkeys...

And, sometimes we acted like ninjas...

But, ALWAYS we acted like crazy people. We even made it on the news in Vegas (though, we may or may not have been mistaken for dogs from time to time).

The race took us 28 hours (or so). Which was apparently ridiculously fast because we finished in the top 20 (19th place overall out of 258 teams).

I can only imagine how fast we would have been had we not been late to the start, 5 minutes late to exchange 6 and late again somewhere else along the route.

We split up into groups of 6, so we could take turns picking up/dropping off/running and eating/sleeping (or trying to). Our Van (Van 2 - the best van!) may or may not have taken a wrong turn and ended up 40 miles from where we were supposed to be (but miraculously lost no time because April has a lead foot). And, we may or may not have somehow locked the car keys in our van, requiring Kelli, Jess and I to hitch-hike (in Vegas at 1 in the morning - no big deal) to our next exchanges while the others waited for AAA. But, we pulled it off.

And, as a reward for our accomplishments, we stayed at the Venetian, got dolled up and trolled the town, on Zombie Walk Weekend. I thought the people-watching in Vegas on a normal day was awesome. Zombie Walk Weekend topped everything I had ever seen in Vegas. Jess and I both got yelled at (in Zombie). Nothing like a whacked out chic with fake blood dripping down her cleavage yelling at you "I want to eat you for dinner" or "you can't come to Vegas during Zombie Week and not expect to get *messed* with by a Zombie".

Viva Las Vegas!

Tender Mercies

2010-10-04T10:31:00.000-07:00

Bad week. REALLY bad week.

But, I had one of those weeks that people have when they notice that although they were puking all weekend, someone was holding their hair back. Well, I wasn't sick, but hopefully you get the analogy. I recognized a lot of greatness in the midst of a really bad week. Tender mercies, if you will.

Here are my thank yous for all four:

1. Wes. Thank you for showing up at my house with a drill ready to fix everything that's broken in my house, since you clearly recognized you couldn't fix everything broken in my life. I adore you for that.

2. Mo. Thank you for sending me a ticket to come home, knowing that's the only place I need to be right now. It means more to me than you'll ever know.

3. Elyse. Thank you for being you. And, for shaking me around like a snow globe for the better part of a day. But, more than that, thank you for being that friend that I can look at sideways... and then... "whoa, look at that Devonshire, I used to live on Devonshire....". There are very few people who can make life better and know exactly how to do it with only one glance from a very close friend. You make my life better.

4. Jeanette. You are a blessing in my life, every day. Cute as a button! I am glad I don't have to go through a lot of my uncertainty alone.

We're all being punk'd

2010-10-01T13:22:00.000-07:00

Cori and I met when I was just starting college. She's 12 years older than I am. And, when we met, her youngest son, Bricen was 4.

Cori now lives in Hawaii, where she grew up, which works for both of us. If she lived in Kentucky, I might NEVER visit her. And, I am beyond thrilled that our latest Hawaiian adventures are about to happen for a week in November.

Is it November yet?

Bricen promised me when he was 4 that he would NEVER grow-up. Well, he lied, of course. And, now he's 18... sweet mercy, where did the time go?!?

Now the liar lives in California, right down the street from me. And, I couldn't be more stoked about it. We play, and it's fun.

Bricen just got his first job and he recently had a conversation with his mom, which she retold to me. I found it perfectly apt in describing how I feel lately. It went a little something like this...

Cori: Bri, how is the new job going?
Bricen: Well, it sucks I hate it.
Cori: Why?
Bricen: I just don't like it. I feel like I am being punk'd.
Cori: Welcome to life son, we're all being punk'd.

I have an amazingly wonderful life. I am blessed beyond measure. But, I sure could have done without 2010. Each and every day I hope I am getting punk'd. But, I am not. This entire year was one I could have done without. I sure wish trials and tragedies would space themselves out a bit. I am exhausted.

If it's not November yet, I don't suppose I get any repreive from 2011 yet either... oh well.

It's Official (part 2)...

2010-09-29T13:18:00.003-07:00

And, the first thing I want to sew is this. It's just so stinkin' cute. Someday, I will. Sigh....

My new favorite past time...

2010-09-22T22:19:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while I replace my former "new favorite past time" with a new and improved one. This week, I did just that.

As I am sure all of you are brutally aware, I am not a techie. With the exception of purchasing an Ipod Mini (the old skool version of a Nano) which I pre-ordered because words can't even begin to explain how much I love running to music, I have never been on the cutting-edge of electronic technology. I keep the same electronics (and cars) until I HAVE to get a new one. Becuase I am super lazy about getting new electronics and learning how to use them. And, we all know how much I enjoy doing things I am not good at. Additionally, I am bored as all get out when people try to explain to me what is available and then I have to make a choice about what to get.... ugh.... For a REALLY decisive person, it's my nightmare.

But, necessity forced me to get a new cell phone (which is now probably worth more than my car, which I also need to replace, but I am SO dreading going to a car dealer... ugh). The track ball fell out of my phone. It was probably assisted by my friend Jeff TAKING it out (under the guise of "I am cleaning it for you"). One day it just stopped wanting to stay in, which rendered my Blackberry utter useless. So... ta da... I got a Droid 2.

And, I have to admit, I absolutely love it.

One of the things that many applications that my phone has is touch to talk. Which is, in essence, a walkie-talkie that can be used with other people who have Droid phones. Well, Wes has a Droid. And walkie-talkie conversation with Wes, is super fun for 2 reasons. 1.) Wes works in an cubicle, surrounded by other traders in an open environment where all business is conducted. 2.) Once you've established a walkie-talkie connection, you can talk at any moment in time, without any warning. Of course during the middle of every work day I have taken to saying things to him like this:

Ali (over the walkie-talkie): Wes, you left your jock itch medicine in my car. You must have forgotten to take it with you. And, I am sure you must be really itchy.

Ali (over the walkie talkie, the next day): Wes, your ballet teacher called. He said your class has been switched from 3 to 4.

Hee hee hee... I know, I am very childish sometimes.

Wes did come up with a good one for me. Unfortunately for him, I work in an office, with a door, so no one heard it, but it went a little something like this:

Wes (over the walkie talkie): Als, I have your Depends. I am sure you really need them. You must be real leaky.

I told him that his accusation wasn't funny, since I am getting older and everything. (But, secretly, I thought it was quite good).

Who can I talk to....???

2010-09-22T10:49:00.001-07:00

... about having the LDS church set up and automatic payment plan for my tithing?

I have the worst memory. And, then at the end of the year (every year) I have a near panic attack.

Anyway... Claire and I would definitely sign up. I am just sayin'... maybe someone who is privy to communication with church royalty can throw that out there for us.

It's Official...

2010-09-17T13:43:00.001-07:00

Have I really not updated this blog for 2 1/2 weeks?!? Oops.

And, after all that time, this is my big news...

Drum roll please!

I really really really want to learn how to sew. I think I might even take a class.

Yikes!

2010-09-01T09:49:00.000-07:00

This was not a smart move lady!

Some people SEEM smart on the surface, but then they do something like that, and totally redeem themselves?!?

Poor, crazy Internist lady.

No Secrets here.

2010-08-30T13:11:00.000-07:00

The other day I was wearing this silk dress. It had a big bold pattern on it, so it wasn't terribly see-through or anything. But, I was going to wear a slip anyway.

Well, turns out I don't own a slip. Because, well, no one owns a slip anymore.

Anyhooooo... I come into work and I asked Jackie if I need a slip. This was her reply:

"What for? What have you got to hide? Everyone knows you've got two legs and a butt under that dress. What's the big secret???"

So, no slip for me. I am not afraid!

Praying for a Public Flogging!

2010-08-27T13:04:00.000-07:00

Because I think Lance Armstrong is, perhaps, the biggest cad that ever roamed planet earth, I want this to be true.

Please tell me this really happened!

Ok, I know it's The Onion, so I am sure it's just fun. I am sure if there was even a modicum of truth to this story, it would be all over the news, so I have to conclude that it IS just a fabrication to provide satire and entertainment to the masses.

But, man alive, I wish it was true. It totally sounds like something he WOULD say and do. Because he's a fool. I seriously can't stand that dude.

Bi-polar?!?

2010-08-24T15:12:00.000-07:00

I can't decide if I am low-maintenance or extremely high-maintenance.

Lately, I vacillate between extremes.

The other day I was all annoyed that according to what are known as common courtesy, social/cultural norms, and hygenically accepted practices that I have bathe/shower AND shave my legs occasionally;

and then...

the next day I wanted to get hair extension and eye lash extensions.

Hmmm... like most things, I have landed happily (sometimes a little less than happily) in the middle.

Operation Stop-Buying-Everything-Cute-That-You-See...

2010-08-13T16:04:00.000-07:00

... whether it be online or in a store. I am trying to refrain.

It's been almost a week. Whew.

And, throughout the week, I decided that I had to free up some space in my closet so that everything fits better.

I came up with 5 bags of stuff I could give away. (Anthropologie size bags, not trash bags - don't kid yourselves).

I was going to donate said clothes and accessories (and one book that sucked big time) to the D.I. or Goodwill, until I came up with a better plan.

If I can get an address, I am going to send my clothes to Lady Gaga, since she clearly has a really hard time keeping her unmentionables all covered up. Hopefully, she's a size 6 or 8.

Once I had a gratitude journal...

2010-08-11T16:14:00.000-07:00

... and, I wrote in it every single day for at least a week.

As previously mentioned, I never really have been very proficient at attending to goals for any noteworthy length of time.

So, I am offering up this blog entry as a one-time demonstration of my daily gratitude.

Today, I am grateful that my mom isn't the most technologically savvy parent. Thus, more than likely she has never seen this website - in fact, I am quite sure of it, because, if she had, I would clearly have my very own similar profile.

Maybe, I'll come up with additional gracious entries, but don't hold your breath.

My newest (RIDICULOUS) goal

2010-08-09T07:23:00.000-07:00

I hate cheese! I always have. It seems like an unnatural food. It stretches. It's greasy. It bounces when you drop it. It's dairy, yet sometimes it comes in a can. Ick. I.just.don't.like.it. But, people (almost ALL people) think that my distaste for cheese is weird. And, sadly, almost every single time a guy makes me dinner, it's lasagna... try faking love for lasagna when you hate cheese. It's tough. So, most of the time when I have to tell people that I hate cheese, I always follow it up with, I know I am weird. I have come to realize, that if I say it first, no one else has to say it. Somehow, I like that better.

Similarly, with my new goal, prior to anyone else saying it first, I will say it - I know, I am ridiculous.

Before I reveal my newest (RIDICULOUS) goal, let me explain what created my desire for said new goal.

We have rats. Well, actually we HAD rats. Moises (the pest control guy, and the guy who has been getting more of my attention than most lately) assures me that they are gone. I don't know that I believe him. But, I am trying to. The rats were sequestered to the attic(s) which are in the back of my closets (yep, I have 2). So, in order to get in and out I have to take out all my clothes and shoes... which was quite a chore. All of the contents of my closet remained on my floor for over two (2) months, because I had to check the attic every single bloody day and call the pest control guy to come take the rats out. I think we caught seven (7). Gross!!!

I remember reading Corrie Ten Boom's The Hiding Place when I was younger. In the book, there is a part where she and her sister are in the basement at the concentration camp filled with rats and fleas. And, every night they got on their knees and thanked the Lord for the rats and the fleas. Because of them, no one ever went down into the basement and so she and her sister got to read the Bible, whereas everyone else was forbidden from doing so. Try as I might, I could never learn to love those rats! My room REALLY looked like a hoarder's room. There were clothes and shoes EVERYWHERE. I tripped all the time. And, I don't like clutter! But, it did make me realize that I have SO SO SO SO many clothes. I mean a completely obscene amount. And, I guess I should be grateful for that?!?

Last night I counted, I have 14 bathing suits. The oldest of which is three (3) years old. That's normal, right? I live at the beach! Still, a bit excessive, I presume. But, the sad part is that I have probably actually gone to the beach a handful of times this year, add pools into the mix and maybe, just maybe, you'd get a dozen times. That means, in a year, I can't even don all of the bathing suits I own. Embarrassing. And, I won't even start on the clothes and shoes. I have an entire dresser full of accessories... none of which I ever bother to put on (with the exception of an occasional headband). It's truly ridiculous. Jackie teases me ALL THE TIME, as do others, 'you really should try wearing something twice'. I really have to put an end to the madness.

And it's crazy that I have that many outfits anyway. I mean for what? I spend more and more time in my pajamas or my running clothes than anything. And, the people I work with are NOT impressed with my wardrobe or sense of style. Just the other day one of my co-workers asked me if I made my sweater. I am pretty sure that wasn't a compliment.

And, so my goal is this. Starting 8-8-10, I am going to actually wear the clothes and shoes I own and not purchase even one (1) additional item (no clothes, shoes, or accessories) for A WHOLE YEAR. Impressive, right?!? Well...

Let's review how good I am at keeping goals. I had two (2) New Year's Resolutions. One was to return a movie to Blockbuster that I kept for four (4) months. I did end up doing that, sometime in January (February, at the latest). The other was to register my car, which was slated to be re-registered in November (2009). It's August. And, technically, I haven't done that. I mean I DID actual register the car in January, but then there was that matter of the smog check. I was just TOO LAZY to get it done, plus, I was concerned my car might not pass, which is silly, I know. But, in April I got an $88 ticket from the city of Newport. So, in May I got a smog check. It passed with flying colors. After which, I was supposed to go to the DMV and pick up my tags. Well... I went to the DMV, but the line was so bloody long. I told myself I would just go back later (that was in June). Last weekend I got a ticket for expired tags ($25). You think I would just do it! What the...

So, in order to keep myself accountable, I am recording my progress on a separate blog (just for the year).

Wish me luck! We all know, I need it.

Every single day...

2010-08-04T20:25:00.000-07:00

... I find new things that remind me that I may or may not be old!

Some days it's that my bones hurt or make popping noises, other days it's that I realize I have a ton of wrinkles, or that I don't really know anything about Justin Beiber or that I do know and remember who Gary Coleman is and the exact T.V. show he was on.

Today it's that I bought some stuff from Talbots! Eeeeek. That's an old lady store! Right?!? Like Chicos?!? I told my co-worker that I bought some stuff from there and she wasn't alarmed. Jackie said that it's not REALLY an old lady store, but that it's just one that has an image problem. Maybe they need a PR firm. Who knows.

So, I am super in love with this website called Shopstyle.com. It's such a rad website. It is for clothing what Kayak is for flights/hotels/vacations. I like it because you can shop by Designer or store and better yet, item and color. Some days I just feel like I need (more like want) something in particular. The other day it was a new yellow skirt, because I saw someone wearing one and I decided I needed one (of course, this is a NEED, and not a want... right?!? - Wrong, I know we might be able to do a shopstyle search in my very own closet, but whatever). So anyway... I shopstyle searched for a yellow skirt. And, I got 9 pages worth of options. They ranged from like $5 to $500. And, the one I liked best was from Talbots. So, I am just admitting it!

I also saw a lot of other cute things there which I may or may not have purchased. And, they were all SUPER cheap.

So are these mom clothes?!? Or grandma clothes?!? Because I thought they were actually really cute. But, what do I know?!?

I think I give up... but, I can't commit even to that.

2010-08-03T11:09:00.000-07:00

People are ALWAYS trying to get me to go to these mid-singles conferences at church.

I KNOW deep down that I should want to go. But, I don't. I won't. I can't.

I went to like an hour of one and I thought I was going to die. Let me tell you what happened. I went to church in Huntington Beach and there were like a bazillion mid-singles there, but it looked like cougar prom or something! Everyone was SO decked out. And, there was so much spray tan going on it was crazy. Oh, and one girl was knitting... IN THE CHAPEL, DURING SACRAMENT MEETING... who does that?!? And, no one was paying attention... and everyone was looking around the room... and... ugh... I had to get out of there. I was SO uncomfortable.

The raddest part was that I was in the temple the Thursday before the conference, which was apparently the night dedicated for those attending that conference. I had no idea, I just wanted to go. Anyhoo... I met this girl in the dressing room and she had never met me, but she was trying SO hard to convince me to go to this lovely conference. Lucky for me, I had to chaperone Youth Conference, so even if I wanted to (and I didn't) I already made other commitments. And, she was telling me that she wanted to find love and there was no one to date where she was from and blah blah blah. And, you know what?!? I saw her during that one hour of pure torture that I sat in that Chapel in HB... and there she was like white on rice staring all googley-eyed at some dude and they were mouthing their I love yous to each other. And, I really genuinely thought 'how cute, she found someone!' And, that thought was promptly followed by '... oh my gosh, what is this the Bachelor?!? Who falls in love in one weekend!?!' =

Honestly, I fancy myself very friendly and relatively social... but, I HATE those things. I just refuse. The speed dating. The church dances for 30-year-olds. The cheesy pick-up lines. Ugh... I am visually disturbed as I type this. But, before I go on, let me just say this... to each his/her own. If you love them, I am applaud you. I wish I could... but, I can't. I just can't.

I love that everyone is so so so desirous to get me married off. It's sweet. And, I am truly flattered. But, don't hold your breath... any of you.

So, today I (along with a few others) get this email from my dear sweet friend Nacolynn inviting me to this mid-singles conference somewhere in the high desert for this upcoming weekend. Luckily, I have committed to go to a wedding for a girl I work with that has probably talked to me three (3) times EVER, and I think at least two (2) of them she was irked because I needed something from her. But, for some reason she invited me to her wedding. I am assuming it's because she must not know too many people. And I, of course, have said no approximately 4x ever, so I am going. And, up until about an hour ago, I was cursing the fact that I said yes, but now, I feel suddenly relieved to have previous plans. Because, I CANNOT take another round of 'it's not that bad, you should just go' to a bloody mid-singles conference.

Nacolynn: I know it’s in Hesperia or wherever, but I’m just sending along the info if you’re interested, you never know! You could be a cowgirl princess the rest of your life! (p.s. look at the “disclaimer” section on being single…good thing they’re clarifying!)

Ali (me): Do people find love in the desert? It seems like it's way too hot to get your game on. You'd be all sweaty?!? I am just sayin'...

Holly: Aug in the Desert, Mid-Singles, Meat Market. No thanks.

Nacolynn: Haha, maybe it’s all indoor lol Then again, maybe they do it so you see the “inner beauty.”

Nacolynn: And I guess if you get too bored, you can trot up to Barstow for outlet shopping…just sayin’

Tanni: Huntington has a beach thing going on that day. You going to the high desert?

Ali (me): I can't go to either. I have a wedding to attend. But, in truth, I will think of ANY excuse not to have to go to those things. I HATE THEM!!!

Tanni: They aren't that bad. how do you meet guys then?

Ali (me):I am hoping God will drop one in my lap... a guy who always wanted to marry a girl who always wears pajamas. If not, I might have to get a cat. :)

I LOVE Anthropologie!

2010-08-02T11:59:00.000-07:00

But, this is seriously tragic.

These necklaces cost $298 each.

And.they.are.so.so.so.awful.

That's all.

Talents for Sale

2010-07-29T08:40:00.000-07:00

My friend Seth said the funniest thing the other day... "I used to play sports, but then I found out you could buy trophies. Now I am good at everything."

LOVE IT!

I super wish I was sporty or crafty or ... you name it. I always wanted to be one of those people that barely tries and just oozes out talent. Not so. But, some days I am funny. So, that will have to do.

I remember sitting in Kara Pehovajawich's living room, eating candy and watching "Sweet 16". This bratty little girl said "I know people say money doesn't buy happiness and I know that's true, but I think it certainly helps???" Kara and I just looked at each other and laughed and shrugged our shoulders. The little twit may have had a point.

And, so I must admit I am very lucky that at this stage in my life, I can buy things - lots of things. More than I need. Right now my passion is talents. I buy them - mostly on ETSY. I bought this invitation and sent it out for Marci's bridal shower... I bought this tutu as part of my costume for the next Ragnar Relay... and I really wanted some cool artsy type stuff and so I turned to this photographer, who is very clever and artistic and this graphic designer and this artist. I also like the jewelry of this store and also the accessories at this one and also this one...

As, you can probably tell, I could spent all day and my entire income on ETSY. It's like Fred Segal on-line, but WAY cheaper. It has everything you can imagine and all handmade. Uh... how I love ETSY. If I had any profitable talents I would sell stuff there! Do you think I could sell some wit?

It's All Fun and Games...

2010-07-22T10:59:00.001-07:00

... until someone mistakes you for a carni!

Yikes. I went to the fair yesterday. And, I was wearing a little hoodie and some sailor pants... which was not what I saw any of the other carnies wearing. But, alas, some lady came up to me in the petting zoo area and asked if I worked at the fair. I promptly replied in the negative. After which, she asked me "what happened to that big ole' cow that gave birth on Sunday?" - So, as you can see, I got mistaken for a fair worker, which makes me kind of want to take my own life! But... moving on.

I.Love.the.Fair! Shady people. Shady food. Farm yard animals.

Last night they had piglet races. We cheered on a pig named "Sloppy Joe."

And, we talked to a rancher about cattle. Holly was alarmed at my lack of knowledge about cows and bulls and heifers and steers and angus and.... blah blah blah. There is a lot of useless knowledge about cattle. I feel like I should hold a 4-H meeting just to regurgitate it to someone who could actually do something with it. I mean truthfully, I don't even really like hamburgers or steaks... but, anyway...

I also came about 2 minutes after a goat gave birth and was still laying in the after birth. It.was.gross. But, watching that little goat try to walk was like watching Bambi.

And, although we abstained from partaking of any of the delicacies at the fair, we did meet up with a guy who wanted to tell us about all the things he ate from this place:

Fried butter?!? Chocolate bacon?!? There were a lot of professional eaters at the Orange County Fair. A LOT!

The best family ever...

2010-07-15T15:56:00.001-07:00

is mine...

all mine.

Eclipse!

2010-07-01T13:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to see Eclipse with my YW.

And, then I saw this today... thought it was SUPER funny.

"Dear Twilight Fans,

Thank you for making us look so sane and well-adjusted.

Love, the Trekkies"

Thank You! (P Style)

2010-06-30T22:00:00.000-07:00

So, I am running about a week a half behind on the Father's Day post... no one is shocked! But, I have been looking forward to writing it ever since I wrote the one for Mother's Day. So, here we go:

Daddy,

Thank you for coming home for dinner almost every night, even when you often had to go back to work when it was over. Thanks for asking us about our days, everyday. It may not have seemed like it mattered, but trust me, it mattered a lot.

Thank you for choosing your family over everything/everyone else. I remember when I saw that article of you in Newsweek. It was the first time I realized that in the professional world, you were a pretty big deal, but I can't say I was too surprised, you had/have always been a pretty big deal to me.

Thank you for standing at the end of the pool at every childhood swim meet that I can remember and yelling "breathe" every time I came up for air. It's not like I would have forgotten to breathe, but I can't imagine not seeing you smile and cheer me on every stroke of the way.

Thank you for giving me everything I ever needed, but not giving me everything I ever wanted.

Thank you for saying "no" every time it was better for me.

Thank you for always being capable and willing to give blessings to all of your children and your wife and anyone else that asked.

Thank you for being the only person in the world who could heal my every heartache and cure my every sorrow with a hug and a kiss.

Thank you for being an exceptional husband. I can still remember every night at dinner you saying "Do you know how wonderful/amazing/perfect your mom is?" or something like that.

Thank you for teaching me how to drive a stick shift. It was a horrific rite of passage that I'll never forget. I think secretly I still drive one because it reminds me of you.

Thank you for trying to pass on your photographic memory, even if it involved paying me to memorize random facts of historic importance (i.e. Presidents of the United States in order)... P.S. I can still do it! I tested myself just the other day.

Thank you for taking us on lots of trips and family vacations. As an adult, I can only imagine how horrible that was for you.

Thank you for being a wonderful provider and protector. It might be a trite statement, but the gratitude for it is immeasurable.

Thank you for teaching me the importance of doing all I could to not only being smart, but also to be educated.

Thank you for teaching me how important it was to try as hard as I could at everything I attempted, but to be proud of myself, no matter the outcome.

Thank you for taking us out to breakfast every Saturday, just you and the kids. And, for making us animal pancakes. It wasn't until I was in high school that I realized that all four-legged animals looked exactly the same. As a kid, I saw in those pancakes whatever I asked you to make. And, boy were you a great artist!

Thank you for teaching me through your example to be kind to everyone, without exception.

Thank you for hugging EVERYONE you meet. I can't even tell you how many of my friends love you because they knew you loved them, even if you didn't know them all by name.

Thank you for studying the Top 40 when I was in high school and then conversing about the newest music every time you drove me anywhere with my friends. It was both embarrassing and cool that you were trying so hard.

Thank you for teaching me that it is always more important to give than to receive.

Thank you for picking my mom. It was the best decision you ever made. And, thank you for sticking with her, even though she probably spends most of your money!

Thank you for giving us all of those ridiculous nicknames, none of which I can ever remember, but somehow can also not forget.

Thank you for NEVER saying anything critical or judgemental about anyone. In my over three decades of existence I can NEVER remember you ever saying anything even remotely critical, which was especially important in my growth. You are the reason I am so comfortable in my own skin.

Thank you for loving me unconditionally.

Thank you for buying us Polly, we always wanted a dog. And, thank you for letting us keep Scottie, she needed a home, even though she was a piece of work!

Thank you for teaching me to stand on my own two feet, but also letting me know that I could always come home if I ever fell down.

Thank you for believing in me and telling me every time I talk to you that you're proud of your baby girl.

Thank you for teaching us how to work... really work. I remember hours and hours of weeding, after which we got paid by Slurpee. (I would like to point out that migrant workers got a better deal). But, it definitely gave us character and taught us important life lessons.

Thank you for teaching me how to negotiate every business decision I ever made. A great deal of my professional success is credited to your counsel.

Thank you for naming one of your big projects at work after moi (and one after all the other kids too), it made me feel special (and kind of like a hurricane).

Thank you for being the best "papa" in the world to 1o (soon-t0-be 12) of the luckiest little grandkids in all the world.

Thank you for being the perfect example of humility and generosity. People often tell me things that you've done for them and given to them and how it changed their lives.

Thank you for telling me every single day that you loved me, and often signing it too (although, I hope somewhere along the way you noticed that I am not deaf).

Thank you for my genetics - my legs (they look exactly like yours) and my teeth (still never had a cavity). Some of my greatest traits come from your gene pool.

Thank you for being a guy that welcomes everyone and anyone in your home and making them feel like they belong.

I wanted to post this picture for you. It's in my room. And, what I love most about it is the way I am smiling so big my eyes can't even stay open. Every decision you've ever made was for us - even before there was an "us". You've made my life so blissfully happy.

I love you more than I could ever express in words. To me you are everything! To quote the oldest and wisest of your brood, I will always have stars in my eyes when I look at you, my perfect daddy.

Love, Ali

Two words - MECHANICAL BULL!

2010-06-15T21:12:00.000-07:00

A little over a week ago a few of us decided that we needed to go down to L.A. and dine at the Saddle Ranch and ride a mechanical bull and dance the night away... because, well, why not?!?

It was a blast. And, as soon as my boss found out my weekend plans, he gave me pointers. "I used to ride a bull you know, I am not sure if you were aware of that or not. First, sit on your hand and keep your arm straight. Second, always look at the bull, not at your friends." He's a riot. And, his pointers helped. Though, I am about as good at riding a mechanical bull as I am at anything labeled a sport or a game.

And, what goes with steak and a mechanical bull more than a ginormous sized cotton candy?!? Well, nothing, of course.

Update: Photo Style

2010-06-02T21:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Mom, Dad and family. I've noticed that I haven't posted any photos lately. Just so you know, your baby girl still looks the same, except older. So, these pictures are mostly for you!

Last Week I went to see Glee in concert. It was so good! I LOVED it. And, we happened upon this candy store. Which I also LOVED (of course).

I had Youth Conference with my babies in our Shrek Green shirts! (By the way, is it just me, or do with think there are already too many Shrek movies, stop already!) And, I stared into the face of one ticked off rattlesnake, while trying to list off in my head times in which I had been more afraid, there were only a few.

We went to Pismo Beach, for the 3rd year. As always, it was quite enjoyable. The weather was nice. And, it's the one time each year I get to ride ATVs in the dunes. And, just about the only time I willingly go camping.

I have been quite active. I did a Ragnar Race again (200-mile relay race from Ventura to Dana Point). We were really good (clearly, I was the handicap). There was a dude on our team that ran 5 1/2 minute miles. I called him "the Kenyan." We had a blast, even on very little sleep, and we finished alive and in about 26 hours or so.

I also did a Warrior Dash... which sounds fierce, but actually was really a lot like a junior high school obstacle course. But, the day was fun. We got to have Wood Ranch and no one spilled their ribs on me this time, so that part rocked.

And, Sondra was nice enough to let me play with her kids all weekend. We went to Pretend City, a cute place that is a simulation of a city customized for the likes of little ankle-biters. A very darling idea.
Whew. Done. 2 months of photos/activities. Updated.

Styled By Night

2010-05-21T14:58:00.000-07:00

One of my closest friends in all the world (Melanie Fairbanks Gray) married into the raddest family just about 2 years ago. I don't even know them all that well, but is it weird that I adore them like they belong to me?!? Maybe so.

But, anyway, Mel's sister-in-law has great taste and style. And, recently she started this cute little blog Styled By Night. It's darling. She's darling. I like it. So, I am sharing it with everyone else. Go Jenna. I think your blog is a masterpiece. I will frequent it regularly. So, keep it up.

Thank you (J Style)

2010-05-16T21:47:00.000-07:00

So... as you all know, Sunday was Mother's Day. And, I am sure you all think your moms rock. And, I am sure they do. But, no mom can top mine. She's the best.

I called my mom on Sunday and she spent an hour telling me how wonderful I am and what a blessing I am to her and how she feels selfish that she got the five best children God ever made. I am pretty sure it's a good thing I can't see or hear any of you laughing. And perhaps, it's an even better thing that none of you can see how hard I laughed at it too. Now isn't that so sweet?!? Especially since it wasn't too long ago that she balked "I have five kids, but I only like two of you!" I am pretty sure that I was ALWAYS one of the two!

I didn't even do anything for my mom this year, and she still thinks I am wonderful! How did I pull that off?!? But, although I am a little late, I'd like to give my mom a little thank you shout out, publicly so you all get to see how you missed out.

Let's start at the beginning - Thank you for loving me even though they had to break your tailbone with a mallet to extract me from your womb, and, in spite of the fact that I was born on the exact same day as your oldest child, thus ruining her 6th birthday party and putting a damper on the ones that followed.

Thank you for teaching me how important it is to be honest and always tell the truth. It sure was awkward being the only kid that gave the school a note that said "Please excuse Ali from school yesterday, she just really didn't feel like being there." And, it sure was funny when you made me get inside the shower and start hopping around before you'd tell a boy I didn't want to talk to that I had just hopped in the shower. I remember thinking you were such a dork, but the lesson that I learned was important and poignant.

Thank you for being a little bit nutty. Screaming at the top of your lungs out the front door and into pillows so you didn't hit us or lose your sanity. It taught me that the best moms are the ones that don't pretend they always have it together. Perhaps the neighbors thought that you needed to be medicated, but I liked your lack of pretense. You were always real.

Thank you for driving me to swimming, and t-ball, and seminary, and school, and ballet, and gymnastics, drama,volleyball, and basketball, piano, and singing and... for never saying much by way of discouragement when I changed my mind every six months because there never really were that many things I had a natural talent for.

Thank you for being a mom that not only taught me through your words, but also your example, that the way the world defines a person's worth and the way Lord define's a person's worth are distinctly different and that the latter is always more important.

Thank you for teaching me to see the best in people. And, for understanding that most people do the best with what they know. And, then for teaching me to always strive to know as much as I can in order to be better than who I am.

Thank you for buying me clothes. And, teaching my to love shopping and fashion, although you may have wanted to start with that lesson a little bit younger. Because, for the love of everything good and holy, I haven't been able to find many childhood photos where I had ANY pants on?!?

Thank you for TRYING to have Family Home Evening. Even though, someone always fell asleep, someone always got flogged with a flying object, and someone always left the room crying. I always remember you trying.

Thank you for marrying my dad. It was the best decision you ever made! Thank you for staying married and enjoying it. And, showing me through example that marriage *might* definitely be worth the work.

Thank you for teaching me by word and example how to be dependable in all things from little to big. I can still remember you saying "there are two kinds of people in this world, those who do what they say they're going to do and those who don't. You have to decide now which one of those people you are going to be, because you can't be both." Dependability is one of the characteristics I have come to admire the most in people.

Thank you for trying so hard to teach me to eat healthy. I am sorry that one didn't exactly take!

Thank you for writing me a note on the napkin that you stuck in with my school lunches. It was sweet... and embarrassing... and it ALMOST made up for the fact that I NEVER EVER EVER got anything that a normal kid would consider an entree, just a whole lot of snacks.

Thank you for saying "no" a lot, everytime it was important and necessary.

Thanks for all the little traditions you made up, like picking us up and taking us out to eat on our half birthdays - even though they might have only been carried out sporadically, I DO remember them fondly.

Thank you for teaching me the important lessons in life that steered me to being a Christ-centered human being, but also letting me figure out who I wanted to be.

Thank you for teaching and showing me how important is to take care of yourself.

Thank you for loving me even when I was a teenager.

Thank you for telling me until you were blue in the face to be kind to my brothers and sisters because someday they'd be my best friends. Like always, you were right. Sorry, it took so long before I listened.

Thank you for teaching me that it was only ok to be sad for a moment, but then I had to pick myself up because there wasn't enough time for pity.

Thank you for choosing to be happy, no matter what happened in your life. And, for teaching me how important it is to be grateful for each and every blessing, instead of focusing on the ones I wish I might have gotten. And, for living a life that showed me that 'life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to dance in the rain.'

Thank you spending so much time on your knees on my behalf; for always being in that position when I walked in to kiss you goodnight; and for teaching me to pray for other people, showing me how important it is and promising me that it always works.

Thank you for always loving my friends like they were your own children. I promise you several of them have repeatedly told me often they have wished they were.

Thank you for telling me every single time we talk that you believe in me, that I am more than enough and that you couldn't imagine being more proud that I was your daughter.

I love you more than you will ever know. You are one of my greatest blessings. And, for all that I do well, I owe more credit to you then I will ever deserve to take myself.

To Be Defined

2010-05-14T15:39:00.000-07:00

Jackie is my favorite co-worker and one of my dearest friends. She has the sorry misfortune of spending at a minimum about 45-hours a week with me (since she can't even lose me during lunch hours). Anyway, for the past year and a half I have had the wonderful privilege of spending most of my waking hours with her. She is so so so wonderful and fun. We laugh hard everyday.

Anyway, a while back I started composing a list of all of the funny things that Jackie has said about me. So, I thought I would give you all a taste of how I have been defined by someone who knows me better than most. Here are her defining quotes:

"Um, not very many people have all their conversations in a manner that mirrors a sitcom."

"Oh no, don't start singing. This is NOT a karaoke bar!"

"You are really really good at driving while you eat."

"Are you saying that if you didn't do your hair everyday you'd look like a Duggar?"

"You are like the Patron Saint of birthdays. Someone turns a year older and you show up with a cake!"

"Is that your idea of saving your money, giving it away to a charity?"

"Wait, you just went from giving away all your money to charities to insurance fraud in like 10 seconds flat!"

"I am not saying you're an outlaw. I am just saying there is a little bit of outlaw in you."

"If you had your way, your kids would come out 6-months-old and wearing a costume."

"What diet are we going on now? Are were going to be drinking lemon water with honey and cayenne pepper like all the other crazies?"

When I grow up...

2010-05-13T16:52:00.001-07:00

The only things I remember wanting to be when I grew up were an author and a mother.

Oh well...