I knew there was a problem...

when the sales clerks kept asking me "would you like a gift receipt?" And, I said "no" EVERYTIME!!!

So, basically after going home and reviewing the gifts I bought I have come to this conclusion:

Either, I get it together today and people MIGHT get real bonafide gifts...

OR

everyone is going to recieve presents from the airport or the drug store.

Let's be honest, we all know what's going to happen. Who wants a t-shirt that says "Orange County"?!?

Just a few random questions about men...

Today was a very interesting day at work.

I wore this outfit (minus the jeans add black dress pants):

My boss told me that I looked like a Christmas Tree today!?! What exactly makes this outfit look like a tree... of any kind?!?

Luckily, another guy came to my defense by saying "You don't really look like a tree. Maybe an ornament. But, don't worry, you look like one of those long ones, not the round ones." Thanks... I think.

Question #1: What is wrong with men?!? Where do they come up with these things?

Then I had to scroll through all of these photos for the year 2008. We give all our Project Managers cameras to take photos of their jobsites, workers, etc. Then they send them to me and I upload them onto our website and once a year I make a slideshow. So anyway, I have to look through thousands of photos to come up with the best ones, which is already tedious enough without having to deal with the following situations:

jobsite photo, laborer, cow, cow, cow, cow taking a dump, cow, cow, cow mounting another cow, cow...

jobsite photo, guy on an excavator, sports car, sports car tires, sports car tire rims, sports car closer up, sports car from a different angle...

jobsite photo, man going into an outhouse, just the outhouse, man coming out of the outhouse, a bunch of laborers plugging their noses an waving their arms...

jobsite photo, hot chic, hot chic minus her head, hot chic on a backhoe, hot chic, hot chic, hot chic, hot chic and her friend...

Question #2: Really? When am I EVER going to use these?!? Why are men so easily distracted? And, entertained? Really?

I came down for a meeting at 4 PM. It was me and 5 guys (Pres., V.P., two Directors and the Estimator). I walk in for the "meeting". There were 6 plates, with tamales on them and plastic forks. Turns out we were having a little snack?!? Apparently, one of these tamales was for me. This meeting was to review a directive I created. I am trying to talk serious with these guys who are all randomly eating tamales! Then they tell me to eat mine. I take one bite and proclaim "I really NOT going to eat this." So, they ate mine. Then they got out the Patron. Welcome to the wonderful world of construction... and my job!

Question #3: What is professional about this? While the effort to include me is laudable, why in the world would I want to conduct a meeting in between bites of tamale? Tamales? What kind of "snack" is that?

The guy that has hemorrhoids in my office (T.M.I.) decided that for Christmas he was going to buy his 19-year-old daughter a new toilet, because she keeps complaining that the toilet in their house sucks (mind you, she doesn't really even live there, because she is in college). He was so proud of himself. Apparently, he thinks this will be the best present she's ever received from him for Christmas. Yikes... I didn't even ask what she got last year... or the year before... or the year before.

Question #4: I don't even really know what to ask here... I guess I'll just go with... seriously?!?!?

P.S. Last night we caught the rat. Dizzy thought she was amazing because she kind of helped Helaman get it out of the attic. But, I think I am amazing because I gave him a name - Steve II(which is apparently the name for all unwanted rats) and felt badly that he had to go. We put him in the trash can... which I am not sure was too sanitary... but... now I have my space heater and christmas stuff!

I REALLY Wish I Could Get To...

1.) All my Christmas Cds.
2.) All my regular Cds.
3.) All my Christmas wrapping paper... in case I ever actually have time to go shopping for Christmas... I literally have bought half of my daddy's present... THE END! But, when I do, what do I wrap these blessed items in!?!
4.) All the junk that I have which could possibly be used for a white elephant gift for my work thingy which is tomorrow... now I have to buy junk?!?
5.) My suitcase.
6.) My space heater.. AND SO I MIGHT FREEZE TO DEATH!!! But, at least I am not dramatic.

But, I can't. Because we apparently have rats. And, my roommate Marci has basically threatened me with my life if I ever open the attic again. And, that is where all the aforementioned items are located.

Damn rats!

Christmas Elves

I am WAY behind on the blog thing.

It's been a busy few weeks for me!

Sweet little Chocolate Covered Kimmy and her wonderful husband Matthew picked up their kids from school almost two weeks ago, bags packed, and took them straight to the airport to fly to Orange County to go to Disneyland (and stay with me)!

Apparently, they were much more elated to see me, than Disneyland! (And, why wouldn't they be?!? - I am amazing AND I have a gum jar! The latter was way more impressive, I assure you!)

We had a blast at Disneyland for 2 days and at the San Diego Wild Animal Park for a day.

And, then Marci and I made them be our little elves. We put them to work on the tree. Each time they slacked off I told them that I was going to beat them. They thought that was really funny. And, I am shocked and amazed that none of them thought I would actually do it. I guess even toddlers realize what a push-over I can be... sad!


Thanks for coming you guys! I love and miss you! See you soon!

MEMPHIS

So, I am in Memphis for a business trip.

I am not going to lie... I kind of dig Memphis!

I have learned many important things here.

1.) This is a self-esteem state, if I have ever been to one. I feel smarter, tanner and thinner than ever before. Although all of the Caucasians who I have seen are visitors, like myself.

2.) Joe Flores has had to remind me that I should not talk to anyone with less than 3 teeth. I can't help it, I talk to everyone! But, I am gradually starting to see his point.

3.) I am in lust with Ron Artest! So, I hear that he is abusive... whatever, I'd let him slap me around a little! We went to a Grizzlies and Rockets game last night and sat in the 6th row. Mostly, I just assaulted Ron Artest with my eyes! But, Gasol was a really good player, as was Mayo! And, the AMAZING thing is that I actually remembered these fools names, cause I am really bad with sports information.

Ron Artest (Above Above) and Ming Yao or Yao Ming (Above) - I can't be bothered to learn names that are this ridiculous for people who are this ridiculously tall.

4.) Graceland is not a must-see place. Although, it WAS interesting in a way. It reminds me of the Mona Lisa. You HAVE to see it, because you know about it. But, no one ever really says "You HAVE to go to Graceland!" Just, like no one ever says "You HAVE to see the Mona Lisa!" You just do!

J. Flo thought that this was too much of a poser picture and REFUSED to get in the shot with me.

5.) Elvis was a HOT MESS! The sad thing I learned at Graceland is that more people watched his return to entertainment, than watched the first man land on the moon... and to that all I have to say is PEOPLE PULL YOURSELVES TOGETHER!!! What's the big deal anyway?

But, don't worry, I bought an Elvis Christmas ornament... from a guy who only had 3 teeth!!!

I better go, Flores is amusing me by driving with me into Arkansas and then to Mississippi... they are both so close, so I am dying to see them (although, I presume they will all look the same)!

The biggest Loser (and I am not talking about weight here people)

It's nearing the end of the year, so I am thinking it's high time to select some 2008 winners and losers.

The biggest Loser of 2008 (winning by a landslide in my opinion)...

O.J. Simpson!

But, since I am a kind soul, I want to help him out a little.

Dear O.J.

I know that you chose a career that afforded you way too many blows to the head.  And, perhaps that is where you lost every brain cell you were ever given.  I, personally, am thrilled that you were recently found guilty.  KARMA, I say.  I think you deserve to go to prison for killing your ex and that Ron fellow.  But, seriously, was it worth the 9 to 33 year prison sentence you'll receive to steal back your own stuff?!?  Next time, maybe you should hit up Steve and Barry's or the USC bookstore and buy a jersey and/or a football and just sign it!  Just in case you forgot, you ARE still O.J. Simpson!   But, whatever!

XOXO

Ali