No Secrets here.

The other day I was wearing this silk dress. It had a big bold pattern on it, so it wasn't terribly see-through or anything. But, I was going to wear a slip anyway.

Well, turns out I don't own a slip. Because, well, no one owns a slip anymore.

Anyhooooo... I come into work and I asked Jackie if I need a slip. This was her reply:

"What for? What have you got to hide? Everyone knows you've got two legs and a butt under that dress. What's the big secret???"

So, no slip for me. I am not afraid!

Praying for a Public Flogging!

Because I think Lance Armstrong is, perhaps, the biggest cad that ever roamed planet earth, I want this to be true.

Please tell me this really happened!

Ok, I know it's The Onion, so I am sure it's just fun. I am sure if there was even a modicum of truth to this story, it would be all over the news, so I have to conclude that it IS just a fabrication to provide satire and entertainment to the masses.

But, man alive, I wish it was true. It totally sounds like something he WOULD say and do. Because he's a fool. I seriously can't stand that dude.

Bi-polar?!?

I can't decide if I am low-maintenance or extremely high-maintenance.

Lately, I vacillate between extremes.

The other day I was all annoyed that according to what are known as common courtesy, social/cultural norms, and hygenically accepted practices that I have bathe/shower AND shave my legs occasionally;

and then...

the next day I wanted to get hair extension and eye lash extensions.

Hmmm... like most things, I have landed happily (sometimes a little less than happily) in the middle.

Operation Stop-Buying-Everything-Cute-That-You-See...

... whether it be online or in a store. I am trying to refrain.

It's been almost a week. Whew.

And, throughout the week, I decided that I had to free up some space in my closet so that everything fits better.

I came up with 5 bags of stuff I could give away. (Anthropologie size bags, not trash bags - don't kid yourselves).

I was going to donate said clothes and accessories (and one book that sucked big time) to the D.I. or Goodwill, until I came up with a better plan.

If I can get an address, I am going to send my clothes to Lady Gaga, since she clearly has a really hard time keeping her unmentionables all covered up. Hopefully, she's a size 6 or 8.

Once I had a gratitude journal...

... and, I wrote in it every single day for at least a week.

As previously mentioned, I never really have been very proficient at attending to goals for any noteworthy length of time.

So, I am offering up this blog entry as a one-time demonstration of my daily gratitude.

Today, I am grateful that my mom isn't the most technologically savvy parent. Thus, more than likely she has never seen this website - in fact, I am quite sure of it, because, if she had, I would clearly have my very own similar profile.

Maybe, I'll come up with additional gracious entries, but don't hold your breath.

My newest (RIDICULOUS) goal

I hate cheese! I always have. It seems like an unnatural food. It stretches. It's greasy. It bounces when you drop it. It's dairy, yet sometimes it comes in a can. Ick. I.just.don't.like.it. But, people (almost ALL people) think that my distaste for cheese is weird. And, sadly, almost every single time a guy makes me dinner, it's lasagna... try faking love for lasagna when you hate cheese. It's tough. So, most of the time when I have to tell people that I hate cheese, I always follow it up with, I know I am weird. I have come to realize, that if I say it first, no one else has to say it. Somehow, I like that better.

Similarly, with my new goal, prior to anyone else saying it first, I will say it - I know, I am ridiculous.

Before I reveal my newest (RIDICULOUS) goal, let me explain what created my desire for said new goal.

We have rats. Well, actually we HAD rats. Moises (the pest control guy, and the guy who has been getting more of my attention than most lately) assures me that they are gone. I don't know that I believe him. But, I am trying to. The rats were sequestered to the attic(s) which are in the back of my closets (yep, I have 2). So, in order to get in and out I have to take out all my clothes and shoes... which was quite a chore. All of the contents of my closet remained on my floor for over two (2) months, because I had to check the attic every single bloody day and call the pest control guy to come take the rats out. I think we caught seven (7). Gross!!!

I remember reading Corrie Ten Boom's The Hiding Place when I was younger. In the book, there is a part where she and her sister are in the basement at the concentration camp filled with rats and fleas. And, every night they got on their knees and thanked the Lord for the rats and the fleas. Because of them, no one ever went down into the basement and so she and her sister got to read the Bible, whereas everyone else was forbidden from doing so. Try as I might, I could never learn to love those rats! My room REALLY looked like a hoarder's room. There were clothes and shoes EVERYWHERE. I tripped all the time. And, I don't like clutter! But, it did make me realize that I have SO SO SO SO many clothes. I mean a completely obscene amount. And, I guess I should be grateful for that?!?

Last night I counted, I have 14 bathing suits. The oldest of which is three (3) years old. That's normal, right? I live at the beach! Still, a bit excessive, I presume. But, the sad part is that I have probably actually gone to the beach a handful of times this year, add pools into the mix and maybe, just maybe, you'd get a dozen times. That means, in a year, I can't even don all of the bathing suits I own. Embarrassing. And, I won't even start on the clothes and shoes. I have an entire dresser full of accessories... none of which I ever bother to put on (with the exception of an occasional headband). It's truly ridiculous. Jackie teases me ALL THE TIME, as do others, 'you really should try wearing something twice'. I really have to put an end to the madness.

And it's crazy that I have that many outfits anyway. I mean for what? I spend more and more time in my pajamas or my running clothes than anything. And, the people I work with are NOT impressed with my wardrobe or sense of style. Just the other day one of my co-workers asked me if I made my sweater. I am pretty sure that wasn't a compliment.

And, so my goal is this. Starting 8-8-10, I am going to actually wear the clothes and shoes I own and not purchase even one (1) additional item (no clothes, shoes, or accessories) for A WHOLE YEAR. Impressive, right?!? Well...

Let's review how good I am at keeping goals. I had two (2) New Year's Resolutions. One was to return a movie to Blockbuster that I kept for four (4) months. I did end up doing that, sometime in January (February, at the latest). The other was to register my car, which was slated to be re-registered in November (2009). It's August. And, technically, I haven't done that. I mean I DID actual register the car in January, but then there was that matter of the smog check. I was just TOO LAZY to get it done, plus, I was concerned my car might not pass, which is silly, I know. But, in April I got an $88 ticket from the city of Newport. So, in May I got a smog check. It passed with flying colors. After which, I was supposed to go to the DMV and pick up my tags. Well... I went to the DMV, but the line was so bloody long. I told myself I would just go back later (that was in June). Last weekend I got a ticket for expired tags ($25). You think I would just do it! What the...

So, in order to keep myself accountable, I am recording my progress on a separate blog (just for the year).

Wish me luck! We all know, I need it.

Every single day...

... I find new things that remind me that I may or may not be old!

Some days it's that my bones hurt or make popping noises, other days it's that I realize I have a ton of wrinkles, or that I don't really know anything about Justin Beiber or that I do know and remember who Gary Coleman is and the exact T.V. show he was on.

Today it's that I bought some stuff from Talbots! Eeeeek. That's an old lady store! Right?!? Like Chicos?!? I told my co-worker that I bought some stuff from there and she wasn't alarmed. Jackie said that it's not REALLY an old lady store, but that it's just one that has an image problem. Maybe they need a PR firm. Who knows.

So, I am super in love with this website called Shopstyle.com. It's such a rad website. It is for clothing what Kayak is for flights/hotels/vacations. I like it because you can shop by Designer or store and better yet, item and color. Some days I just feel like I need (more like want) something in particular. The other day it was a new yellow skirt, because I saw someone wearing one and I decided I needed one (of course, this is a NEED, and not a want... right?!? - Wrong, I know we might be able to do a shopstyle search in my very own closet, but whatever). So anyway... I shopstyle searched for a yellow skirt. And, I got 9 pages worth of options. They ranged from like $5 to $500. And, the one I liked best was from Talbots. So, I am just admitting it!

I also saw a lot of other cute things there which I may or may not have purchased. And, they were all SUPER cheap.

So are these mom clothes?!? Or grandma clothes?!? Because I thought they were actually really cute. But, what do I know?!?

I think I give up... but, I can't commit even to that.

People are ALWAYS trying to get me to go to these mid-singles conferences at church.

I KNOW deep down that I should want to go. But, I don't. I won't. I can't.

I went to like an hour of one and I thought I was going to die. Let me tell you what happened. I went to church in Huntington Beach and there were like a bazillion mid-singles there, but it looked like cougar prom or something! Everyone was SO decked out. And, there was so much spray tan going on it was crazy. Oh, and one girl was knitting... IN THE CHAPEL, DURING SACRAMENT MEETING... who does that?!? And, no one was paying attention... and everyone was looking around the room... and... ugh... I had to get out of there. I was SO uncomfortable.

The raddest part was that I was in the temple the Thursday before the conference, which was apparently the night dedicated for those attending that conference. I had no idea, I just wanted to go. Anyhoo... I met this girl in the dressing room and she had never met me, but she was trying SO hard to convince me to go to this lovely conference. Lucky for me, I had to chaperone Youth Conference, so even if I wanted to (and I didn't) I already made other commitments. And, she was telling me that she wanted to find love and there was no one to date where she was from and blah blah blah. And, you know what?!? I saw her during that one hour of pure torture that I sat in that Chapel in HB... and there she was like white on rice staring all googley-eyed at some dude and they were mouthing their I love yous to each other. And, I really genuinely thought 'how cute, she found someone!' And, that thought was promptly followed by '... oh my gosh, what is this the Bachelor?!? Who falls in love in one weekend!?!' =

Honestly, I fancy myself very friendly and relatively social... but, I HATE those things. I just refuse. The speed dating. The church dances for 30-year-olds. The cheesy pick-up lines. Ugh... I am visually disturbed as I type this. But, before I go on, let me just say this... to each his/her own. If you love them, I am applaud you. I wish I could... but, I can't. I just can't.

I love that everyone is so so so desirous to get me married off. It's sweet. And, I am truly flattered. But, don't hold your breath... any of you.

So, today I (along with a few others) get this email from my dear sweet friend Nacolynn inviting me to this mid-singles conference somewhere in the high desert for this upcoming weekend. Luckily, I have committed to go to a wedding for a girl I work with that has probably talked to me three (3) times EVER, and I think at least two (2) of them she was irked because I needed something from her. But, for some reason she invited me to her wedding. I am assuming it's because she must not know too many people. And I, of course, have said no approximately 4x ever, so I am going. And, up until about an hour ago, I was cursing the fact that I said yes, but now, I feel suddenly relieved to have previous plans. Because, I CANNOT take another round of 'it's not that bad, you should just go' to a bloody mid-singles conference.

Nacolynn: I know it’s in Hesperia or wherever, but I’m just sending along the info if you’re interested, you never know! You could be a cowgirl princess the rest of your life! (p.s. look at the “disclaimer” section on being single…good thing they’re clarifying!)

Ali (me): Do people find love in the desert? It seems like it's way too hot to get your game on. You'd be all sweaty?!? I am just sayin'...

Holly: Aug in the Desert, Mid-Singles, Meat Market. No thanks.

Nacolynn: Haha, maybe it’s all indoor lol Then again, maybe they do it so you see the “inner beauty.”

Nacolynn: And I guess if you get too bored, you can trot up to Barstow for outlet shopping…just sayin’

Tanni: Huntington has a beach thing going on that day. You going to the high desert?

Ali (me): I can't go to either. I have a wedding to attend. But, in truth, I will think of ANY excuse not to have to go to those things. I HATE THEM!!!

Tanni: They aren't that bad. how do you meet guys then?

Ali (me):I am hoping God will drop one in my lap... a guy who always wanted to marry a girl who always wears pajamas. If not, I might have to get a cat. :)

I LOVE Anthropologie!

But, this is seriously tragic.

These necklaces cost $298 each.

And.they.are.so.so.so.awful.

That's all.