First of all... warthog?!?
Second of all... E-U-C-A-L-Y-P-T-U-S.
Clearly, I can understand if you can't spell eucalyptus if you are just an average run-of-the-mill citizen with not much need to ever spell or talk about the tree. But, if you live there?!? I mean...??? You've NEVER had to fill out your address?!? On anything?!? Like, nothing?
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Emergency Shoe Storage?!?
So... turns out I have 8 pairs of shoes in my car.
8!
Not for any particular reason. Turns out I just switch my shoes out a lot. I am often running from morning practice, to work, to whatever I do after work, to who knows where else.
But, if we ever have a natural disaster while I am driving about. I am sure to be the most fashionable for a while - at least from the knee down.
That is until I have to decide which ones to eat so I can stay alive...
As a side note, these are my favorites.
I keep these in my car permanently. I wear them to practice every morning, with my sweats tucked in and whatever I am going to wear to work on top. As you can imagine, I am the picture of class and sophistication when I coach each morning.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Boyz in the Hood
WARNING: I am attempting to type this blog post with VERY little sleep. I am having one of those weeks where even though I am communicating with people within very close proximity to me, there is quite a time delay in my response during the communications (like unto an international time delay). It's awkward. I used to feign interest in very mundane or inticately detailed conversations in which I had no desire to have. I would nod and add questions and smile politely. Not anymore. Lately, I have been known to say aloud "I am bored" in the middle of one of these such conversations. Today, I was talking to a coworker and I almost fell asleep. I am quite certain that if I keep this up I won't have many friends for long. But, if I retain any, they will most likely be dudes. Because dudes behave very similarly much of the time.
I went to Vegas to celebrate the 30th birthdays of some of my good guy friends. I got VERY little sleep. (Add the trip to my current sleep schedule which requires me to wake up at 4:30 AM every morning in order to coach the OVHS Swim Team's morning practices and you see why I am falling asleep standing up these days). But, it was well worth the lack of sleep. We had a lot of fun. (Although, I am REALLY excited to be one of the girls again).
This weekend I had a mainly dude weekend. I totally felt like one of the boys. I listened to ridiculous music that was meant to be comical, but was mostly just dumb and crude. I played a game where we ranked girls entirely on their looks. I peed in the desert. I shot a real live gun (and did not kill anyone or anything). I gawked at scantily clad women dancing in cages and on platforms, I heard WAY to much about covered wagons and other bodily functions. And, I ate A LOT of meat.
I went to Vegas to celebrate the 30th birthdays of some of my good guy friends. I got VERY little sleep. (Add the trip to my current sleep schedule which requires me to wake up at 4:30 AM every morning in order to coach the OVHS Swim Team's morning practices and you see why I am falling asleep standing up these days). But, it was well worth the lack of sleep. We had a lot of fun. (Although, I am REALLY excited to be one of the girls again).
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
The Quiz
My friend Marie is a Health teacher. Tonight while we were watching the Bachelor, Marie had me take/edit her quiz. I did ok on most of the questions. However, I think I might have missed this one...
Q. If you or someone you're close with struggles with excessive anger you can suggest:
a. visiting the counselors' office
b. visiting 7-11
c. being mean to the family dog
d. complaining to your friends
Well, I picked b. I thought everyone would pick b. Clearly a diet coke from your local convenience store would heal any excessive anger. Nope, turns out you're supposed to go to the counselors' office. Hmmm... I will think about it, but I doubt that's going to happen... ever.
Q. If you or someone you're close with struggles with excessive anger you can suggest:
a. visiting the counselors' office
b. visiting 7-11
c. being mean to the family dog
d. complaining to your friends
Well, I picked b. I thought everyone would pick b. Clearly a diet coke from your local convenience store would heal any excessive anger. Nope, turns out you're supposed to go to the counselors' office. Hmmm... I will think about it, but I doubt that's going to happen... ever.
Solidarity
Today I am a little bit nutty. I mean, I feel like one of those crazy girls that guys are afraid of. But, just today (mainly).
I am blaming it on the nominal amount of sleep I have been getting. Last night was kind of a late night, and I am coaching again for the Ocean View High School swim team. So, I have to BE to practice at 5:30 (in the AM)... Yikes. So... today I am just going to go with lack of sleep as the primary catalyst for my behavior, because I am having a chick-batty kind of day.
1. I ate 5 skinny cow ice cream treats (so what if they only have 100 calories). I ate 5! And, it's only 1 PM. I think in this scenario, I should just drop the skinny and call 'em cows, or call myself one. 5! It's kind of an accomplishment, really. I didn't ACTUALLY swim this morning, in fact the most movement I had was pacing the length of the pool to show my kids how to breast stroke, when all they want to do is bounce from one end to the other and see if I won't bark at them for touching the bottom. But, still I worked up such an appetite, I had to have 5!!! skinny cows. (Ok, moving on, I promise).
2. I want to strangle ALMOST everyone I have talked to today. It's just one of those days. I feel like I should wear a sign to warn people. And, by people I mean the guys in my office, who before today thought I was normal (well, maybe not normal, but at least pretty even tempered and pleasant).
3. In the past 24 hours I have been more fickle than I can ever remember being. I am all over the place. Whoever I liked last week, I detest this week. And, whoever I just swore I couldn't stand, I am totally enamored of today.
And, of course all of these crazy thoughts I share with my co-worker Jackie, who has asked me to change her name to protect her identity/innocence. So, I am calling her Brenda for the rest of this post (wink, wink). Brenda has the unfortunate responsibility of working with me daily. She's awesome.
First, she doesn't tell me I am a nut job. Ever. Never, ever. And, she probably should.
Second, she doesn't really think it's that weird that I had 5 treats before lunch. Last week when I ate slightly fewer treats (but, still more than a person should), we had this conversation:
Brenda: How do you not get fat?
Ali: Well, tonight I will go home, run about 8 miles and not have dinner. But, if I don't, I get fat.
Brenda: Oh, well that makes sense. I usually just go home, eat, and then sit on the couch like a fat bear.
And to make matters worse, I hear that we are having cake today. And, you know how I feel about cake! So, Jackie, I mean Brenda and I can't stop talking about the alleged cake.
Ali: I am so lazy, I couldn't even get up to ask Catherine what happened to the cake. So, I just called her and said 'I just want to make sure I didn't miss the cake.'
Brenda: They are keeping it hostage next door. I am about to give them the finger and buy our own cake!
Third, she's totally on board with whatever I say about the people in my life and my assessments of them and their behaviors. If I was her, I would tell me that I am acting like a psycho. Nope, not Jackie. She thinks I am totally rational... always. I could call the sky purple and she's swear to anyone with a gun pointed to her head that the sky was purple. Love that girl! So today we had this conversation (no joke)...
Ali: Jackie errr Brenda, you are so supportive. I LOVE it. I could come into work and tell you I was going to marry the unibomber and you'd be on board.
Brenda: Well, Ted is educated. And, green (speaking environmentally of course, except for that whole explosion fiasco). Plus, I hear he has a great family! Ali Kaczynski, sounds good, right?
Fourth, she has such high standards and hopes for me. Seriously, she does. It's awesome. And, I am sure to let her down. Trust me.
The other day I was at Henry's Market with Marie. And, for some reason I have to get a drink and drink it while I am grocery shopping. And, since Henry's is a health food store, I had to drink water (bleh). So, when I went to pay, the water was almost gone. And, the cashier/bagger starting chatting about how I could buy a full one (chuckle, chuckle). I explained that I liked to drink while at the store. He carried on about how people feel the same way at a bar. And, he didn't drink beer, he was a wine guy.... yada yada yada... and 5 minutes later he is writing on my receipt where he goes to taste wine. And, he tells me he'll be there on Friday and Saturday. And, he asks if I will meet him there. And, then he writes on my receipt that if I show up I can find "art, music, wine and love". It was hilarious. And, if I didn't already have plans for the weekend... well... no, nevermind, it was NEVER going to happen. So anyway, I tell Jackie.... err, Brenda. And, then I walk by and she's talking about this to Catherine (the Receptionist).
Brenda: ... and then he writes on her receipt...
Catherine: Well, did she meet up with him?
Brenda: No way, Ali DOES NOT date guys who wear name tags! Are you kidding!?!
(Please note, I have NEVER even thought about whether or not I am pro- or anti- name tag dating).
I am blaming it on the nominal amount of sleep I have been getting. Last night was kind of a late night, and I am coaching again for the Ocean View High School swim team. So, I have to BE to practice at 5:30 (in the AM)... Yikes. So... today I am just going to go with lack of sleep as the primary catalyst for my behavior, because I am having a chick-batty kind of day.
1. I ate 5 skinny cow ice cream treats (so what if they only have 100 calories). I ate 5! And, it's only 1 PM. I think in this scenario, I should just drop the skinny and call 'em cows, or call myself one. 5! It's kind of an accomplishment, really. I didn't ACTUALLY swim this morning, in fact the most movement I had was pacing the length of the pool to show my kids how to breast stroke, when all they want to do is bounce from one end to the other and see if I won't bark at them for touching the bottom. But, still I worked up such an appetite, I had to have 5!!! skinny cows. (Ok, moving on, I promise).
2. I want to strangle ALMOST everyone I have talked to today. It's just one of those days. I feel like I should wear a sign to warn people. And, by people I mean the guys in my office, who before today thought I was normal (well, maybe not normal, but at least pretty even tempered and pleasant).
3. In the past 24 hours I have been more fickle than I can ever remember being. I am all over the place. Whoever I liked last week, I detest this week. And, whoever I just swore I couldn't stand, I am totally enamored of today.
And, of course all of these crazy thoughts I share with my co-worker Jackie, who has asked me to change her name to protect her identity/innocence. So, I am calling her Brenda for the rest of this post (wink, wink). Brenda has the unfortunate responsibility of working with me daily. She's awesome.
First, she doesn't tell me I am a nut job. Ever. Never, ever. And, she probably should.
Second, she doesn't really think it's that weird that I had 5 treats before lunch. Last week when I ate slightly fewer treats (but, still more than a person should), we had this conversation:
Brenda: How do you not get fat?
Ali: Well, tonight I will go home, run about 8 miles and not have dinner. But, if I don't, I get fat.
Brenda: Oh, well that makes sense. I usually just go home, eat, and then sit on the couch like a fat bear.
And to make matters worse, I hear that we are having cake today. And, you know how I feel about cake! So, Jackie, I mean Brenda and I can't stop talking about the alleged cake.
Ali: I am so lazy, I couldn't even get up to ask Catherine what happened to the cake. So, I just called her and said 'I just want to make sure I didn't miss the cake.'
Brenda: They are keeping it hostage next door. I am about to give them the finger and buy our own cake!
Third, she's totally on board with whatever I say about the people in my life and my assessments of them and their behaviors. If I was her, I would tell me that I am acting like a psycho. Nope, not Jackie. She thinks I am totally rational... always. I could call the sky purple and she's swear to anyone with a gun pointed to her head that the sky was purple. Love that girl! So today we had this conversation (no joke)...
Ali: Jackie errr Brenda, you are so supportive. I LOVE it. I could come into work and tell you I was going to marry the unibomber and you'd be on board.
Brenda: Well, Ted is educated. And, green (speaking environmentally of course, except for that whole explosion fiasco). Plus, I hear he has a great family! Ali Kaczynski, sounds good, right?
Fourth, she has such high standards and hopes for me. Seriously, she does. It's awesome. And, I am sure to let her down. Trust me.
The other day I was at Henry's Market with Marie. And, for some reason I have to get a drink and drink it while I am grocery shopping. And, since Henry's is a health food store, I had to drink water (bleh). So, when I went to pay, the water was almost gone. And, the cashier/bagger starting chatting about how I could buy a full one (chuckle, chuckle). I explained that I liked to drink while at the store. He carried on about how people feel the same way at a bar. And, he didn't drink beer, he was a wine guy.... yada yada yada... and 5 minutes later he is writing on my receipt where he goes to taste wine. And, he tells me he'll be there on Friday and Saturday. And, he asks if I will meet him there. And, then he writes on my receipt that if I show up I can find "art, music, wine and love". It was hilarious. And, if I didn't already have plans for the weekend... well... no, nevermind, it was NEVER going to happen. So anyway, I tell Jackie.... err, Brenda. And, then I walk by and she's talking about this to Catherine (the Receptionist).
Brenda: ... and then he writes on her receipt...
Catherine: Well, did she meet up with him?
Brenda: No way, Ali DOES NOT date guys who wear name tags! Are you kidding!?!
(Please note, I have NEVER even thought about whether or not I am pro- or anti- name tag dating).
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