Best. Website. EVER!

People always ask ME for dating advice.  People... CLEARLY this is not my niche.  How do you people not get that.

From now on the only advice I am going to give is this...

http://itsyourtechnique.com

Bahahahahaha.  It's awesome starting with the title... and then moving onto the content.  AWESOME!

Totally Normal, Right?!

On Friday I had a conversation with my friend Claire that went something like this....

Claire: So, what are your plans for this weekend?
Ali: Dinner, wedding, birthday party thing and I have to make a Tony the Tiger costume.
Claire: Weird.

Ha ha ha. 

That statement would not be weird at all... if I had any kids.  I mean, I am sure most of my friends have weekend plans that sound a lot like that, right?  But, they have 4 or 5 kids, usually.

Which brings me to this... why is it that only guys get that knock on the door saying "about 4 or 5 years ago we had a kid"??? Is that too much to ask?  I just think that would be the best thing ever!  Why do men have all the luck!?

Anyway, I DID make a Tony the Tiger costume all by myself (except the head, Jackie made the head for me).  And, I am super impressed with myself!  Bring on the kids... I am ready!

 

And, in two short days, I am going to rock it... just like a 4 or 5 year old kid would!

Yomi

I am the WORST blogger on the planet lately.

Sorry. I have been busy. Lame excuse.

But, I wanted to take a minute to blog about something awesome.  Yomi.  She is the little girl I "mentor".  Which is awesome, because ever since I got released from Young Womens at church, I miss being a teenager!  And, she let's me be one again. 

I recently became a member of a fantastic organization called America On-Track.  It's a non-profit organization that sets up children of an incarcerated parent(s) with a mentor to help steer their lives in a better direction, as 70% of all children of prisioners end up in prisions themselves.  I am a mentor (don't laugh) to the sweetest little 15-year-old girl name Yomira Martinez.  She's smart and fun and I love spending time with her.  Unfortunately, she hasn't had the most stable home life.  I have loved being able to be a fun person for her to be around, a listening ear, and a stable consistent presence in her life.

I don't think I have fundraised for anything since I was in Girl Scouts, but this is such a great cause, I couldn't help but want to assist their efforts to change lives.  On September 27th, I will be riding on the Carousel of Possible Dreams at South Coast Plaza to help raise funds to help fulfill a Possible Dream that will help children and families in the area.  I have taken on the challenge to jump on the carousel and help my team meet its fundraising goal to make this dream a reality. With your help, my team can do it.

To make a donation, click on the Support button.  Your donation will go straight to America On-Track to continue to support funding for this fantastic organization.  You can donate as little or a much as you desire.  Every little bit will help me reach my goal.  All donations are tax deductible.
I would love any and all support anyone wants to give.

But, if you just want to look at a picture of this sweet little girl I have the privilege of hanging out with, I will let you do that too.

Isn't she so super cute?!?

Singer or Animal?

I got a chemical peel with Jean and Claire on Tuesday.  It's not the first time, third actually.

Yet this time I am looking so crazy creepy (which is normal, I am sure I will return to my usually amount of creep soon).

I just can't decide if I look like SEAL (kiss from a rose, married... errrr... was married to Heidi Klum) or a seal (the sea animal). 

If I am being honest, it's probably a mixture of both.

Yea, that's right.  I am REALLY attractive right now. 

My co-worker just asked me if I was embarrassed to be at work.  I guess I should be.  But, I am not.  If SEAL can rock his face full time, I can do it for a week, right?!

Independence Day.

We came.  We paraded.  We ate tacos. We watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.  We beached it up (even though the weather sucked).  We wore patriotic outfits (that right, there were two (2) of them).  We hung out on the Love Sack. We barbecued.  We watched fireworks.

And, I really only took two (2) grainy cell phone photos.  But, whatev.

Good times.  Good times.

Meet the Andersens

Jeanette moved in with me two (2) years ago, right as Marci was getting married.  She showed up one day to look at Marci's room and the next thing I knew we were friends for life.  As soon as she moved in, she instantly felt like the little sister I never had.  I just had this urge to want to protect her and make sure she was happy and safe.  Little did I know she'd burrow her way into my heart and become one of my dearest friends.

In February she got engaged to Todd.  Todd is one awesome guy!  So deserving of J.  And, together they make one awesome couple.  The Andersens.

When J asked me to be one of her bridesmaids, I was so touched.  But, don't kid yourselves, in my head i instantly thought to myself 'I guess I get to be 'the old' one', as Jeanette is almost a good decade younger than I am.

On June 1st they got married in the Salt Lake City temple.  And, it was an honor and a privilege to see it all unfold and witness the happy and perfect day.

Congratulations Little J.  I am so happy for you!

Laws, laws, laws.

This morning as I was G-chatting, we got on a roll of talking about random laws that exist.  Man, there are a lot of ridiculous laws.  Seriously, ridiculous. Here are some of them:

1. Both in Carmel, CA and in Greece, it is illegal to wear high heels! 
(Weird, weird, weird! And, why do we think this is?  I suggested that it was to ward off trannies.  But, I was told that at least for Greece, it is to preserve the integrity of the streets and structures). Stupid.

2. In Singapore, it is illegal to sell gum.  And, in Mobile, AL it is illegal to chew gum, or to possess silly string or confetti.  (Sad tragic laws!  None of my nieces or nephews could ever visit either). Also, in Alabama, it is illegal to impersonate a member of the clergy or to wear a fake mustache to church that causes laughter.  (Southerners take church quite seriously).  Also, it is illegal to instigate a bear wrestling match.  Stupid.

3. In Long Beach, CA you cannot swear while miniature golfing.  (However, I do not think they even have a miniature golfing range in Long Beach... but I feel like it is the actually origin of most expletives).  And, roosters cannot crow in public (someone should arrest the people that live across the street from where I work, so I don't kill those ridiculous roosters).  Also, in L.A. it is illegal to bathe two kids in the same tub at the same time, to cry on the witness stand, or to wear/own a zoot s.  Stupid.

4.  IF one should come across Big Foot, he/it is not to be shot in Washington (illegal), but CAN be shot in Texas.  (And, that is because anything or anyone can be shot in Texas... where they will get prosecuted... and receive the death penalty... and actually be killed instead of hanging out in jail.  Texans are hard core!).

5. In Alaska, it is illegal to wake a sleeping bear for the purposes of taking a photograph.  It is also illegal to push a moose out of a flying airplane. (Ridiculous animal rights activists!)

6. In Arkansas, the law permits husbands to beat their wives, but no more than once a month. (Whew).  Also, teachers who cut their hair into a bob can legally be refused a raise.  And, it is also illegal to keep an alligator in a bathtub. (But, why?) Stupid.

7. In Nebraska, if a kid burps in church his parents are to be arrested.  And, it is illegal to sell donut holes, run around with a shaved chest or go whale watching (which is not even an option in Nebraska, right?!) Stupid.

8. In Indiana the value of Pi is 3.  (They changed it.  It just worked out better for them, mathematically speaking).  Baths may not be taken between October and March, only during the brutally hot summer months.  Also, it is illegal to pass a horse.

9. Kentucky... oh Kentucky. It is illegal for dogs to molest cars or for humans to molest trash cans, or for people to dye ducklings blue and sell them, unless they are sold in multiples of six (6), and a woman may not wear a hat without her husband's permission.  Stupid.

10. Florida... in my opinion, is the craziest state in the nation.  So, I feel like any law might be necessary, given what people in that state are prone to do.  Nonetheless, if you park your elephant in a metered parking spot you MUST pay the toll, it is illegal to sing in a public place while wearing a bathing suit or to wear anything strapless in public, it is also illegal to engage in any sort of shenanigans with a porcupine.  But, if you hit a pedestrian you will ONLY be fined $78 (so that's good!). Stupid.  Florida. Stupid.

Awesome laws that most people would perceive to be ridiculous.  In the state of Texas, it is illegal to hold public office of any kind without acknowledging belief in the existence of a Supreme being.  (We mean business with religion in Texas!)

Running...

The other day my cute cute roommate Kate and I were chatting, and somehow this story came flying out.

When I was a teenager, occasionally some dude would call my house (way back when we used house phones) and ask to speak to me.  Of course, in true me fashion, I never wanted to speak to any of them (for various reasons, one being I HATE talking on the phone).  So, I would tell me mom to tell said boy that I had just run outside for a minute or that I had hopped in the shower.  I guess she didn't want me to think it was ok to lie or something, because she'd always say "then you better go in the shower and start hopping" or "then you better get outside and start running."  And, literally she would MAKE me hop up and down while standing in a shower or run my little tail outside for a minute (this was while we lived in Arizona - and it was BLOODY hot!) before she would pass on whatever statement I fancied that day to whatever dude I was trying to avoid. 

That's just how we did things in our family.  We would just sort of skirt around stuff. So, that's how I learned to do what I wanted with my integrity still intact?!?  And, I have been pulling similar shennanigans ever since.  Shady right?!?

But, when I think about it, that's when I really started to enjoy running. Figures!  What a hot mess I am!

The happiest boy I ever did kiss...

was FOR SURE this kid....

Look at his face!  Priceless.  Seriously, this is probably (sadly) the happiest a guy has ever been to have me kiss him.

These were the cute ice cream kids at my roommate Jeanette's wedding.  I have a ton of photos and I will post them real soon, because it was a super fun and happy day!  Well worth documenting.

Shayla and I got the biggest kick out of these little muffins!  They were the cutest!

Did I forget to blog for a whole month?!?

Nope... not quite. 

But, almost!

I am kind of busy these days.

I will post something soon-ish.

Moving - Woof!

Yikes, my blog got a new layout.  Call me a Luddite, if you must, but I hate when technology changes against all my best effort to keep the evolution of such things to a minimum... so I hope this post uploads alright.

Ahhh... such a busy life.  About a month ago I decided to move.  I mean I HAVE lived in the same place for a little over 4 years now, and for me, that's a pretty big commitment.  But, the neighborhood is getting shady, and I am dying to live with my friend Kate and I really wanted a nicer newer place.  So, next week I am moving into just that, a newer nicer place with my cute friend Kate.

And, while it was a voluntary decision to move, it is still such a daunting task.  To say that in the past few weeks I am both under-fed and under-slept would be a wild understatement.  I feel frazzled every single day.

Here is how my life works these days.  My room is an unsightly mess (which is driving me so incredibly nutty).  And, because there are boxes and piles and stacks and bags and... everything is everywhere.  I can't get to anything.  My closet(s) are mostly blocked.  My outfits... they've been awesome lately.   And, by awesome I mean fancy and/or weird.

Not just because I am moving, but more specifically because I am lazy and I HATE shaving my ridiculously long legs, I usually only shave my legs on Saturdays.  (Sorry if that was an over-share, but it's the truth).  This means that I only wear dresses and skirts on Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesdays (though it isn't always pretty) and by Thursday and Friday I am wearing pants again.  Thus, as you can see at least 2, but often 3 days a week I wear dresses/skirts.  And, I have been working at the same place for 3 1/2 years-ish. 

But, lately (because of the move and the large number of weddings I have been attending) I have been pulling a lot of Saturday/Mondays or Sunday/Mondays, meaning that I pull the dress off the floor that I just wore to a wedding or to church and try to pull it off for work.  So, I MIGHT be a little bit fancier than usual, but I don't iron these clothes, so.... Yet, without fail almost every day I wear a dress or even a skirt (and this is happening no more than usual) at least one of my co-workers/boss says "whoa, fancy, you have a date tonight?" OR "please tell me you don't have a job interview somewhere else?" 

Which brings me to this conclusion - The people I work with think I lead a way more sophisticated life than I actually do AND/OR assume that I am a wildly hot commodity in the work place for as frequent as they think people want to hire me.  However, it leads me also to believe that IF I had a date every other day for the past 3 1/2 years, these people also believe that I must be the WORST dater in the world (which they might have a case for), and IF I had been interviewing every other day for 3 1/2 years, I would also be the WORST interviewer in history (which, actually, I am pretty decent at).  Sheesh... people!  The dates I have been on in the past month, albeit fun, have not EVER required me to wear a dress... boardwalk and dinner in Hermosa beach, dinners at R&D (I can't get enought of that place, I keep going there!) and Cafe Rio, frozen yogurt, sporting event... man would I be overdressed in a dress!  And, I don't have ANY free time, even if I wanted a new job, which... ahhh... I don't.

And, when I am not overdressed (i.e. dressing for work AND a date or work AND an inteview), I am wearing one of two outfits 1.) running clothes or 2.) a gray cardigan with a grey and white stripe shirt and khakis.... I have literally worn this same outfit for about 6 or 8 days now.  Classy... I know.  It seems to be the ONLY matching ensamble I can get to these days.

As part of the move, there is SO much to organize.  And, SO much to pack.  And, SO much to get rid of.  So, I had a garage sale (on the same day I threw a bridal shower, which was NOT a great plan and led to even less sleeping that I have become accustom to).  So knowing how over-scheduled I was, my friend Elyse, who is a doll, volunteered to help me, which was so awesome, because I needed it.  I told her that I wasn't particular about how much she sold stuff for, but that if I didn't have to take it to the Goodwill or Salvation Army and could just get rid of it in the front yard while making some money at the same time, then great.  The only rule I gave her was that I didn't want to have to go to the CoinStar, so if someone was unwilling to spend $1, just say no.  At one point during this garage sale, I look over at Elyse, who for that day only, I called "the banker". She looked panicked.  So, I mouthed to her "what???" And, she mouthed back "this lady just bought $12 worth of stuff!"  To which I replied "great!" And, then Elyse mouthed back "and she's paying in all dimes."  I must say, whenever I am in my car and I see that big bag of dimes, I totally smile.  Love those crazy dimes.

When I talked to Kate later that day.  She asked how it all went. And, I told her.  She said to me "What? Who carries around a Ziploc bag filled with dimes?!?"  Well, I guess that would be me.  Now.  I do.  I would be the over-dressed, or dressed in recylced clothing girl, who shows up to weddings with wet hair and mis-matched shoes, who looks dazed and confused and is paying for everything I buy in dimes... because that's apparently how I roll when I have to move. 

Only four more days... four more really long days until I can sleep, eat and dress like a normal chic... or whatever one would call me... maybe it's not necessarily normal.

Let's get something straight!

Occasionally, but VERY rarely, I let the guys I work with convince me that I want to join them for lunch. Much to my chagrin, I am always sorry.

So, I want to make sure that I understand something.

A "great restaurant" is not defined as a place in which if you order "the right thing" you can properly digest it without feeling some serious side effects one way or the other, right? I mean, a "great restaurant" would suggest that the food is better than just palpable, correct?

Without fail, every single time I let myself get talked into going to some shady joint, pay in cash only, no place to sit, sells RC cola instead of coke or pepsi, no sign identifying the joint... whether it be Pho or Argentine food or some "dive" or some food truck, I regret it, instantly... for at least 8 hours.

Whatever, call me high-maintenance, I don't care!

But, it appears to always be my fault if the restaurant is NOT a up to par... "it IS a great restaurant!" I just "ordered the wrong thing!"

So, for the record, I believe a "great restaurant" (or even a "good restaurant", as I don't want to aim too high here) is one where you could order anything off the menu (or at least a relatively significant sampling of items), and feel satiated - in a non-violently ill fashion; where the taste lingers just long enough; and where the menu items have names you could recite to the individual taking your order instead of having to point to the picture and say "I will have that. That doesn't look like it'll kill me... at least not immediately."

Yikes.

With that being said... this is where I went to lunch today...

This place.... the place with no sign... the boys just call it "that Argentine place, the one with the sandwiches."

It really WAS my fault this time... who agrees to that?!?

Funneeeeeeeee

People keep sending me these ecards. It must be all the rage or something. And, I understand why. These things are wildly clever and witty. Right up my alley. They constantly make me laugh.

Anyway, I made a list of all of my favorite (more tasteful) ones. But, man are there some funny tasteless ones.
See what I mean.... ???

Funnnnneeeeeeeeee... So funny!