Last night I got a speeding ticket.
Sigh....
But, it was time, I am sure. I speed... a lot. And, I get ticketed for it seldomly.
So, I am really not the kind of girl who puts up much of a fight. I just take it. And, for some reason, I usually say thank you?!? Don't know where that comes from. I always tell myself that I am thanking the poor cop for doing his civic duty.
But, last night before the thank you portion of the conversation I found myself really really tempted to say "excuse me, can you hurry this up? I really have to pee." Luckily I had already reached my quota of stupid things to say to a cop in a 15 minutes span. So, I refrained and skipped right to "thank you."
But, for the record.... can I add traffic school to the list in my previous post??? Ok, good.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Just call me one word Ali, It's my new thing!
Things that make me want to poke my eyes out, pour lemon juice on an open wound and eat two vomit burritos (in no particular order):
Trying to figure out anything that has to do with my car.
People who don't like cake.
Waking up SUPER early for anything.
Entrees made completely of vegetables.
Cheese.
Any movies that are mythical, majestic, or middle-earth type movies (also the movie Clifford) - except for Labrynth and the Never Ending Story, both of which rock.
Indecisiveness (which is not to be confused with easy-going). People that take FOREVER to make up their minds about stuff (which, of course, are the same people that NEVER want to go with the flow).
Elitists.
Trying to figure out anything that has to do with technology.
Talking on the phone.
Well, this week, two of those pet peeves have become my new reality! My phone totally sucks right now. Well, truth be told, it's sucked for about 2 months (ever since I dropped it off in Micah's office because he said it needed to be updated). Until this week, it's big defect was that it turned off before I could use it... EVERYTIME I wanted to use it.... which made me want to cuss A LOT.
Clearly, I should have taken my phone in to the phone gods a while ago. But, let's just add the phone gods to the list of things that make me want to sleep with spiders. It takes so bloody long to get anything done when I go to the phone store. I'd rather have a voluntary colonoscopy, I swear it would take less time and be far less painful. So, I just dealt with my phone turning of 28,000x a day, as it seemed far less painful than the alternative.
But, as of this week, the added defect is that my text message system will only reply with one word answers. And, in case any of you have NOT met me, this would be the complete opposite of how I normally respond.
To put it mildly, I totally have phone anxiety at the moment. And, I have never talked on the phone more in my life! Everytime I get a text, I wonder if there is any one word answer that will cover all the questions/comments sent to me. I swear, everytime I hear that little ping I feel closer and closer to having a mild stroke.
I guess I will be spending my weekend with the phone gods...
There goes all my high scores on Jewels (AGAIN) and my nephew's highest level on Blast Monkeys (sorry, buddy).
Plus, all my most recent conversations have gone something like this:
"Hey. What's going on? How was your day? Are we still going to dinner tonight? When? Where?"
"Yes"
"Yes, that's it? I asked you like 5 questions."
I officially am now both the emotion AND verbal equivalent to a dude - Low point.
Trying to figure out anything that has to do with my car.
People who don't like cake.
Waking up SUPER early for anything.
Entrees made completely of vegetables.
Cheese.
Any movies that are mythical, majestic, or middle-earth type movies (also the movie Clifford) - except for Labrynth and the Never Ending Story, both of which rock.
Indecisiveness (which is not to be confused with easy-going). People that take FOREVER to make up their minds about stuff (which, of course, are the same people that NEVER want to go with the flow).
Elitists.
Trying to figure out anything that has to do with technology.
Talking on the phone.
Well, this week, two of those pet peeves have become my new reality! My phone totally sucks right now. Well, truth be told, it's sucked for about 2 months (ever since I dropped it off in Micah's office because he said it needed to be updated). Until this week, it's big defect was that it turned off before I could use it... EVERYTIME I wanted to use it.... which made me want to cuss A LOT.
Clearly, I should have taken my phone in to the phone gods a while ago. But, let's just add the phone gods to the list of things that make me want to sleep with spiders. It takes so bloody long to get anything done when I go to the phone store. I'd rather have a voluntary colonoscopy, I swear it would take less time and be far less painful. So, I just dealt with my phone turning of 28,000x a day, as it seemed far less painful than the alternative.
But, as of this week, the added defect is that my text message system will only reply with one word answers. And, in case any of you have NOT met me, this would be the complete opposite of how I normally respond.
To put it mildly, I totally have phone anxiety at the moment. And, I have never talked on the phone more in my life! Everytime I get a text, I wonder if there is any one word answer that will cover all the questions/comments sent to me. I swear, everytime I hear that little ping I feel closer and closer to having a mild stroke.
I guess I will be spending my weekend with the phone gods...
There goes all my high scores on Jewels (AGAIN) and my nephew's highest level on Blast Monkeys (sorry, buddy).
Plus, all my most recent conversations have gone something like this:
"Hey. What's going on? How was your day? Are we still going to dinner tonight? When? Where?"
"Yes"
"Yes, that's it? I asked you like 5 questions."
I officially am now both the emotion AND verbal equivalent to a dude - Low point.
Friday, January 13, 2012
S.A.M.E. Ball (Again)
Every year. SAME ball. New dress. Fabulous photo booth shots.
For a Society of Military Engineers Ball, which could be as boring as it sounds, we sure know how to host a fun party (and just ignore the Engineers... hee hee hee).
Slightly delayed photos, as this was back in December, but... oh well. I am on my very own time table.
Don't tell Jackie I posted these!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
M.I.A.
I guess I haven't blogged in a while.
Guess what else I haven't done in a while?!? APPARENTLY, I haven't been to the gym in a while. At least 2 years, according to the guy who checked me in. Oops. I went last night. And, I HATED it. When I was in college I went to the gym at least 5x a week. But, don't kid yourself, I mostly went there 5x a week because I had to. I worked there. Again, don't kid yourself, I worked in the child care center not the actually gym part of the gym - woof. I live in California because I love to be outside. I love to run OUTSIDE and bike OUTSIDE and hike OUTSIDE, but not so much in a smelly gym, with sweaty sweaty people and ZERO ventilation. Nonetheless, when I went to check-in and saw the new Matrix style system of entry, I was slightly embarrassed that I had paid for a gym membership that I hadn't used in AT LEAST 2 years. Psh... Still, I HATED it... the whole time (and I only have to pay $49 a year).
So, at least my excuse for not blogging lately is one that I LOVED. I spent a few weeks hanging out with these crazy kids... and they kept me busy and on my toes and I LOVED every minute of it.
Guess what else I haven't done in a while?!? APPARENTLY, I haven't been to the gym in a while. At least 2 years, according to the guy who checked me in. Oops. I went last night. And, I HATED it. When I was in college I went to the gym at least 5x a week. But, don't kid yourself, I mostly went there 5x a week because I had to. I worked there. Again, don't kid yourself, I worked in the child care center not the actually gym part of the gym - woof. I live in California because I love to be outside. I love to run OUTSIDE and bike OUTSIDE and hike OUTSIDE, but not so much in a smelly gym, with sweaty sweaty people and ZERO ventilation. Nonetheless, when I went to check-in and saw the new Matrix style system of entry, I was slightly embarrassed that I had paid for a gym membership that I hadn't used in AT LEAST 2 years. Psh... Still, I HATED it... the whole time (and I only have to pay $49 a year).
So, at least my excuse for not blogging lately is one that I LOVED. I spent a few weeks hanging out with these crazy kids... and they kept me busy and on my toes and I LOVED every minute of it.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Awkward Sabbath
So, I was asked to give a talk in Sacrament Meeting. No big Deal. I mean I don't LOVE giving talks or anything, but I understand they need to be given and I am alright giving one every once in a while.
So, of course I get assigned a topic. And, of course it's the most ridiculous topic ever - Entertainment & Media. And, of course it's from the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet -because I am so youthful?!? and they wouldn't want to give that the 12-year-old Deacon that spoke right before me?!? No, that would be WAY too practical.
As you can see from the information presented in the aforementioned link. The first few sentences are relatively benign in every way. But, as you can see from the majority of the information I have essentially been asked to give a talk on pornography. Me? What the...??? Does this seem odd to anyone else?!? Also, let's remember that it is the week before Christmas. Couldn't they save this topic for January??? Can't they assign this to someone with a little more familiarity with the topic.... say a Bishop or High Counselor. I know it's something that needs discussion. I get that it's wildly prevalent. But, here's the deal, I just REALLY REALLY do not want to be the girl that gave that ridiculously awkward pornography talk the week before Christmas. And, more than that... I just do not want to stand at the pulpit in front of hundreds of people and act like I have the foggiest faintest idea what I am talking about.
So, I ask one of my bestie's dad, who is also in my Bishopric, if he can perhaps give me a little guidance and direction. He starts laughing and asks if that is REALLY the topic I've been given. I am not laughing. Then he tells me to do what people do in any good talk... use some of my own life experiences. At this point he's really laughing at me.
So, there I am sitting in the not-so-cheap seats adjacent to Deacon that is sitting next to me who is the first speaker and this darling old man who is to be the last speaker. I ask the little muffin what he is speaking on. Of course, he is sharing some Christmas poem tantamount to The Christmas Shoes. And, I ask the old guy next to me what he was assigned to speak on. And, he says the birth of Jesus. And, as you can imagine, at this point I feel as if I have been totally punk'd. But, I know I haven't. I mean the guy sent me an email with my topic in which he discussed in detail what I was to speak on. So, BY NO MISTAKE AT ALL, the talks were intentionally assigned as follows: Christmas, porn, Christmas. WHAT KIND OF A LINE UP IS THAT!??!?!?!??!?!
So, I tentatively walk to the pulpit for my turn. And, I gave an 18 minute talk on the first 2 lines of my topic. That's right! I said the word pornography from the pulpit exactly ZERO times. And, instead I talked about the light of the gospel and how one of the easiest ways to receive and share it is through the internet and media. I talked about the fact that with Mitt running for President Mormonism in consistently one of the top 10 most searched topics. I talked about sharing that light so that those who are looking for goodness in the world won't have to try so hard to find it because perhaps it would become as prevalent as darkness. Basically.... I totally winged it. But, I was totally not willing to give the rest of that talk... because I am chicken... and TRUST ME, no one want to see a lanky single blonde girl all decked to the nines giving a pornography talk. It woud have been awkward for everyone... I am sure of it!
It must have been an ok presentation. Because directly afterwards this lady comes up with her husband and tells me I've done a great job. And, then with no segway at all says "I have a son who is an ER doctor and he's tall, would you like to date him?" Boo ya!
But, the awkward Sabbath is not yet over kids.... it continues....
There is a little "Christmas Program" and potluck after the block is over. I am a little bit delayed in getting to the "Program". But, as I walk in I hear a small child playing the piano. She is really good for such a small little thing! But, what is she playing?!? It sounds familiar enough. I lean over to Diz and Mandy and say "Um... is that a Coldplay song?!?" Sure enough it is! And, I have just been informed that I missed the little girl who sang ".... the good ship lollypop..." Because, every self-respecting "Christmas Program" has those elements. I mean who doesn't love a little Coldplay and a tap dance to bring in the Christmas spirit?!?
Luckily, I DID not miss the Primary nativity re-enactment. It was awesome! All the kids were dressed up... as the star, some angels, a lot of barnyard animals, and some shepherds... which included one wicked awesome rogue shepherd. A shepherd who refused to stay on the stage, but instead trolled the audience whipping his costume in the air like he was a key participant in a Burlesque show. And, of course, every respectable "Christmas Program" HAS to have one of those.
Awesome Sunday!
So, of course I get assigned a topic. And, of course it's the most ridiculous topic ever - Entertainment & Media. And, of course it's from the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet -because I am so youthful?!? and they wouldn't want to give that the 12-year-old Deacon that spoke right before me?!? No, that would be WAY too practical.
As you can see from the information presented in the aforementioned link. The first few sentences are relatively benign in every way. But, as you can see from the majority of the information I have essentially been asked to give a talk on pornography. Me? What the...??? Does this seem odd to anyone else?!? Also, let's remember that it is the week before Christmas. Couldn't they save this topic for January??? Can't they assign this to someone with a little more familiarity with the topic.... say a Bishop or High Counselor. I know it's something that needs discussion. I get that it's wildly prevalent. But, here's the deal, I just REALLY REALLY do not want to be the girl that gave that ridiculously awkward pornography talk the week before Christmas. And, more than that... I just do not want to stand at the pulpit in front of hundreds of people and act like I have the foggiest faintest idea what I am talking about.
So, I ask one of my bestie's dad, who is also in my Bishopric, if he can perhaps give me a little guidance and direction. He starts laughing and asks if that is REALLY the topic I've been given. I am not laughing. Then he tells me to do what people do in any good talk... use some of my own life experiences. At this point he's really laughing at me.
So, there I am sitting in the not-so-cheap seats adjacent to Deacon that is sitting next to me who is the first speaker and this darling old man who is to be the last speaker. I ask the little muffin what he is speaking on. Of course, he is sharing some Christmas poem tantamount to The Christmas Shoes. And, I ask the old guy next to me what he was assigned to speak on. And, he says the birth of Jesus. And, as you can imagine, at this point I feel as if I have been totally punk'd. But, I know I haven't. I mean the guy sent me an email with my topic in which he discussed in detail what I was to speak on. So, BY NO MISTAKE AT ALL, the talks were intentionally assigned as follows: Christmas, porn, Christmas. WHAT KIND OF A LINE UP IS THAT!??!?!?!??!?!
So, I tentatively walk to the pulpit for my turn. And, I gave an 18 minute talk on the first 2 lines of my topic. That's right! I said the word pornography from the pulpit exactly ZERO times. And, instead I talked about the light of the gospel and how one of the easiest ways to receive and share it is through the internet and media. I talked about the fact that with Mitt running for President Mormonism in consistently one of the top 10 most searched topics. I talked about sharing that light so that those who are looking for goodness in the world won't have to try so hard to find it because perhaps it would become as prevalent as darkness. Basically.... I totally winged it. But, I was totally not willing to give the rest of that talk... because I am chicken... and TRUST ME, no one want to see a lanky single blonde girl all decked to the nines giving a pornography talk. It woud have been awkward for everyone... I am sure of it!
It must have been an ok presentation. Because directly afterwards this lady comes up with her husband and tells me I've done a great job. And, then with no segway at all says "I have a son who is an ER doctor and he's tall, would you like to date him?" Boo ya!
But, the awkward Sabbath is not yet over kids.... it continues....
There is a little "Christmas Program" and potluck after the block is over. I am a little bit delayed in getting to the "Program". But, as I walk in I hear a small child playing the piano. She is really good for such a small little thing! But, what is she playing?!? It sounds familiar enough. I lean over to Diz and Mandy and say "Um... is that a Coldplay song?!?" Sure enough it is! And, I have just been informed that I missed the little girl who sang ".... the good ship lollypop..." Because, every self-respecting "Christmas Program" has those elements. I mean who doesn't love a little Coldplay and a tap dance to bring in the Christmas spirit?!?
Luckily, I DID not miss the Primary nativity re-enactment. It was awesome! All the kids were dressed up... as the star, some angels, a lot of barnyard animals, and some shepherds... which included one wicked awesome rogue shepherd. A shepherd who refused to stay on the stage, but instead trolled the audience whipping his costume in the air like he was a key participant in a Burlesque show. And, of course, every respectable "Christmas Program" HAS to have one of those.
Awesome Sunday!
Friday, December 9, 2011
The World's Most AWESOME(ly bad) Christmas Party
So.... 3 years ago I took a job with a new company (after having worked at my previous one for 6 years. It was the hardest break-up of my life (NO JOKE)... but, I digress...) Anyway. I loved the old job. And, I love the new job. So, I am blessed.
However, at Reyes (old job) we had the Christmas Party to end all Christmas parties. It was rad. We had dinner catered and an entire Casino staffed with legitimate dealers and chips and moolah, open bar (which was fun for me in that EVERYONE got drunk, except for yours truly, and it was AWESOME to watch the train wreck. One year a lady fell asleep on my desk, which was in no way even close to the party tent!) But, the presents were to die for... oh... my... gosh. One year I got a Kitchen Aid, the next year I got a 47" HDTV Sony Bravia plasma television with a 10-piece surround-sound speaker system complete with a blueray DVD player and Ipod connection, the next year I won a Dyson vacuum, not to mention that every year I also won money, and gift cards, and lottery tickets, and all sorts of awesome stuff. I miss those parties!
Well, the parties at my new job.... let's just say, I have been thinking for quite sometime that a). I am getting punk'd and there has to be some camera somewhere (in addition to the standard nanny cam that is always in the office in order to monitor our shenanigans) and b). that I should REALLY get in contact with the scriptwriters of The Office, because this party would provide fodder that would translate perfectly to that kind of satirical comedy.
First we have a BBQ, where only food that is neutral (beige or brownish) is admitted to the table (tri-tip, pork ribs, chicken, pulled-pork, baked beans, corn bread, potato salad and BBQ sauce which is scooped out with a laddle). Apparently we are anti-color and health here at MZT (new job).
And, then we have birthday cake for dessert. Happy Birthday Jesus?!?!
And, then the real fun begins. Catherine (our lovely Receptionist/Office Manager) wraps all the presents and sticks them under the fake tree, to be unwrapped, one per person. These present are never purchased... oh no, that would be way too costly. They are received, one-by-one, from Staples, FREE tchotchkes collected throughout the year, given to all orders over $100.
One thing I have come to realize in this present frenzy, is that there is a 99.9% chance that the present received will be some sort of bag (a cheaply made bag that may or may not involve a cooling device, or a plastic coating, or a straw mat and towel).
However, at Reyes (old job) we had the Christmas Party to end all Christmas parties. It was rad. We had dinner catered and an entire Casino staffed with legitimate dealers and chips and moolah, open bar (which was fun for me in that EVERYONE got drunk, except for yours truly, and it was AWESOME to watch the train wreck. One year a lady fell asleep on my desk, which was in no way even close to the party tent!) But, the presents were to die for... oh... my... gosh. One year I got a Kitchen Aid, the next year I got a 47" HDTV Sony Bravia plasma television with a 10-piece surround-sound speaker system complete with a blueray DVD player and Ipod connection, the next year I won a Dyson vacuum, not to mention that every year I also won money, and gift cards, and lottery tickets, and all sorts of awesome stuff. I miss those parties!
Well, the parties at my new job.... let's just say, I have been thinking for quite sometime that a). I am getting punk'd and there has to be some camera somewhere (in addition to the standard nanny cam that is always in the office in order to monitor our shenanigans) and b). that I should REALLY get in contact with the scriptwriters of The Office, because this party would provide fodder that would translate perfectly to that kind of satirical comedy.
First we have a BBQ, where only food that is neutral (beige or brownish) is admitted to the table (tri-tip, pork ribs, chicken, pulled-pork, baked beans, corn bread, potato salad and BBQ sauce which is scooped out with a laddle). Apparently we are anti-color and health here at MZT (new job).
And, then we have birthday cake for dessert. Happy Birthday Jesus?!?!
And, then the real fun begins. Catherine (our lovely Receptionist/Office Manager) wraps all the presents and sticks them under the fake tree, to be unwrapped, one per person. These present are never purchased... oh no, that would be way too costly. They are received, one-by-one, from Staples, FREE tchotchkes collected throughout the year, given to all orders over $100.
Last year, I got liquid potpourri, that smelled like feet and was the color of freshly cleaned toilet water. What would one do with liquid potpourri?!? I mean, even if it miraculously smelled refreshing??? It is bright blue and liquid! I couldn't very well put it in a bowl and stick it on the coffee table. BAD idea. Horrible! I gave it away at as white elephant gift at another holiday party.
One thing I have come to realize in this present frenzy, is that there is a 99.9% chance that the present received will be some sort of bag (a cheaply made bag that may or may not involve a cooling device, or a plastic coating, or a straw mat and towel).
So, in order to avoid getting a bag (which is easily identifiable by it's mere squishiness and shape), this year I asked for a box - which turned out to be a brilliant move. Because this year I scored a multi-function radio lantern with a built-in flashlight. And, Jackie won a set of 4-cutting boards with a nifty cutting board holder.
And, at my office Christmas Party, you could basically say we won the Grand Prizes! Boo ya!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
It dropped into the 40s here...
... So, I ventured out to Disneyland, wearing a fur lined parka, a scarf, a hat and gloves.
Don't judge me. It was NEAR freezing. And, I grew up in California.
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