Silicon Rodeo

Last weekend we went to a rodeo in San Juan Capistrano.

Yep, that's right - South Orange County had a rodeo and I got roped into going (no pun intended).

I have to say, it was fun. But, there were so many fake boobs and collagen lips. As an added bonus, one girl had a real classy shirt on that covered her $4000 chest, it read "Don't call me a cowgirl unless you want me to ride you!"

It was kind of hot and I thought some of the plastic parts might melt.

But, we had a lot of fun watching guys named Chet and Alan tie down cows.


And, of course, my favorite part was the midget in the barrel during the bull riding. Nothing says rodeo like a barrel riding midget.

Interesting Tid Bits

Did you know...

Women who get boob jobs are 3x more likely to commit suicide.*

French Fries are the most stress reducing food a woman can eat (something about the perfect balance of fat and carbohydrates).*

50% of America is half.*

* These are all true statements!!!

Go Fug Yourself...

Have any of you ever gone to that website??? It's my fave! Here's the link. A friend of mine turned me onto it a while back, there are few things I enjoy more than than the witty likes of Heather and Jessica celebrity/fashion bashing.

I hardly ever get to check it, because it seems like I am just really busy or something. However, since I am the enrichment counselor in my ward, I have to make 50 cupcakes for a cake decorating class tomorrow... (I used 3 boxes or cake mix and I am still a few cupcakes short - shhhhh don't tell). So, I am sitting in my living room/dining room/kitchen, (what?!? My apartment is way small - but, it's actually kind of great because I can sit on the couch, watch TV and cook without even having to move... aaahhhh) and I am remembering why and how much I love this website. I have linked some of my favorite entries throughtout the years.

• Most of you should know by now how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE Nicole Richie (almost as much as Lionel) and also how I dislike Paris (the Hilton, not the city), so clearly this one rocked.
• I dislike Jessica Simpson even more than P. Hilton ... she just loves herself WAY too much it's just SO annoying.
• As quoted from the website and echoed by moi "Here’s the thing: I love Posh and Becks. She’s so deliciously tacky and he’s so…you know, extremely hot in that No, No, Don’t Speak sort of way. He looks luscious. She looks like her stage name is Luscious." Throw Crazy TomKat and a few other celebs in the mix and aaahhh... Posh's show about coming to America was SO awesome (for real though).
• This one is just so funny.

Hopefully you all get the point... it's just a highly entertaining website... for any of you that have free time.

*Also check out this beauty from Paige's Page.

I HEART 'The Hills'

Aaaahhhh 'The Hills'... I love EVERYTHING about that show! It's so spectacular.

Sure, Spencer is a total Gomer, but Heidi deserves him, she's spineless. AND, she's making an album... HeLLo?!? Can you even imagine her singing. She is the new P. Hilton. It shouldn't be long before she stops wearing knickers and flashes her YAH for all the world to see. And, somehow Spencer will market that as his doing and she'll give him credit for what a fab idea it was to go in public without any underwear, like it something ingenous that has never been done before ... and I can hardly wait! They deserve each other... it contains the damage.

Last night's episode made my heart smile. I especially loved the part when L.C., Lo and Audrina are sitting around talking about "Justin Bobby". It makes me laugh everytime they call that dirt bag "Justin Bobby". (Who, I shamefully admit, I think is kind of cute in a sketchy-shaddy-I'd-never-let-him-date-anyone-I-know kind of way.) Anyway, I love when Audrina is crying over "Justin Bobby" and L.C. says "Did you really want to date a guy who wears combat boots to the beach? I don't think you do." (or something like that, I am paraphrasing). Like that's a deal breaker! But, it reminds me so much why girls are so awesome. BFFs totally do stuff like that. About 5 years ago, I had a mad crush on some guy and when it was all over one of my friends said to me "I am glad you're over that guy, he had a huge head and no upper lip." I hardly remember the guy, but she made him sound so unattractive AND IT WORKED!

But, does it seem like Lauren is drunk a lot more than she used to be? Eeewwww, I hope she has to go to rehab. Would we get to see that or is that outside the bounds of her Reality T.V. contract? Drunk DOES = great television. Remember when Lauren was hitting on that London boy she called a "jackpot" and she turned to Whitney and said "Tell me if he's cute, because I am really drunk." Whitney said "No." The London hopeful heard the whole thing and she STILL went home with him... LOVE IT.

Speaking of deplorable T.V. obsessions of mine... Tonight Miami Ink cast-off Kat Von D is going to interview John Tucker himself on L.A. Ink and give him a tat to overcome his alledged heart break. I can hardly wait!

I love TiVo!

Ode to Joe

So, my boss if FAB!!! I have a platonic crush on him.

On Friday we had "Ladies Day Out" at work. There are a grand total of 5 girls that work in my office, 4 downstairs and me upstairs. Mainly, I just hang out with the men, so it was great to have a day out with the ladies... the conversations were so much more pleasant!

Here is what Ladies Day Out consisted of... Limo ride to The Farm in Beverly Hills for Breakfast, to the Beverly Center for shopping, to the Beverly Hilton for 3 hours of spa treatment, to the Geisha House for dinner and then to Orchestra seats for Wicked and through Beverly Hills and then home. Ahhh.... Anyway... we tried to pack a lot into one day... too much... we were late to everything we scheduled to do AND none of it was my fault (shocking, I know). I was the first one to show up! But, all-in-all, it was a very fun day!



So, I felt it appropriate to list my 12 favorite things about Joe, the Greatest Boss ever... Sometimes.

1. Two words... SUGAR DADDY - He gave me $900 on an American Express Gift card with my name printed on it to go shopping on Friday! Yes please. And, he gave me $1,000 cash (and 200 pesos) back in May because I was going to Mexico and he wanted to make sure I had a good time. Plus, he buys me Christmas presents (gift cards, a kitchen aid mixer, cameras, laptops, life sized gum ball machine, etc.) along with giving me a yearly bonus. People say money doesn't buy happiness... and it doesn't... but it DOES buy fabulous clothes and shoes!

2. He hired a 6'4 black man named Roosevelt to drive us around the town. Roosevelt was RAD. And, he was packing heat. My favorite line from him was "other people might know karate, but I know crazy!"

3. He calls me "Brinker".

4. He sponsored "The Murdering Mermaids" (our ward powder puff team) by letting us design our own shirts and then paying for them. Bless his heart!

5. He loves Mormons. And, he loves Mexicans. There is nothing he loves more than a Mormon Mexican! Or a woman.

6. He tried to set me up with a "Cholo", who he promised would show up to my house in a low rider and say "get in, esa."

7. He makes my every day an after school special "Come on Brinker, let's go get a drink. Just once. You'd be such a fun drunk!"

8. Every time I get my hair done he says "Brinker did you paint your hair? It looks nice."

9. He has Lakers, Clippers, Avalanche, Kings, Angels and Sparks tickets which he gives me freely.

10. Every year he builds 2 houses in scattered towns between Tijuana and Tacate and he takes us with him and pretends that we are so helpful... except Rodney, he didn't pretend Rodney was too helpful, Sorry Roger! (He does like you though).

11. He's a 47-year-old Mexican man who this year alone went to Beyonce, John Legend, The Killers, Justin Timberlake, The Police, and Keith Urban; he gave me a Johnny Cash CD; he asks me frequently to recommend "cool music" (which is laughable) and; he let's me make fun of the fact that he has "Stars Go Blind" by Paris Hilton on his Ipod.

12. He sexually harrasses me on a regular basis and then double checks to see if I am planning to sue him. I know I should be offended, but actually, it's kind of flattering! Not that I'd ever tell him that.

BUT, SOMETIMES HE IS A LITTLE DEMANDING!

Thoughts on Tennis

I played tennis last night and I have to say I am UNNATURALLY sore. Why? I don't get it. I am no good. I barely even moved. And, it's my butt that is SO sore. I really am confused. My butt? I don't even remember bending at all or anything.

But, anyway I have a few thoughts on tennis.

(1) If you are a guy and you want to look like Andre Agassi, just play against me. I made 4 really talented tennis players look like Wimbledon champs last night... well, with a little help from Wendy, Robin and Cori.

(2) Tennis apparently has different rules than racquetball... which, I am also no good at.

(3) There are no home runs in Tennis... which sucks, because I think I broke Barry Bonds record last night! Which brings me to my next point...

(4) They really DO need to consider lengthening the court... but only on the opponents' side, I can't imagine the soreness I would actually feel if the court were larger... and I was willing to actually move.

(5) The best parts of tennis are:

a. I get to dress up like a Tenenbaum, with a pink tennis skirt and little Lacoste Mary Janes;
b. I get to go to "the club" and practice on Saturday... and by practice I mean wear my Tenenbaum outfit for free lunch at the Newport Country Club courtesy of my friend Robin (well actually, Robin's dad); and
c. Post-game Reward - America's cup... well worth the pain (and humiliation).

Q. What is sketchier than working in Pomona?!?

A. Working in a coal mine.

Word to the wise, NEVER marry a coal miner...
...unless, of course, he has ridiculously good insurance.

The Ultimate One-piece!

About a year ago, I moved about 20 minutes closer to work... which is HEAVEN! Anyway, that put me in an entirely different ward (which is a church congregation for my three non-Mormon friends). In my new ward, there was a guy that I had known growing up, albeit not well. His name is Steve Daines (which will make the story more funny, if you know him). So we were chatting one day...

Ali: You probably don't remember this, but my family went with your family and the Bodens to Lake Tahoe when we were in Junior High.
Steve: Yea, I kind of remember that, but not really. Did we make out?
Ali: No, I don't think so, but it wasn't your fault that you didn't have game, I had to wear a one-piece.
Steve: Oh, that makes sense.

The reason I am reminded of this story now is because my roommate sent me this link, so I could buy an new bathing suit, at an end-of the summer price.

Here is the website http://www.wholesomewear.com/page-4.html

I am pretty sure, these girls are NEVER going to get lucky!

Not even in an Amish community!

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses....

So, I ran the Irvine half marathon last year. I was ridiculously out of shape. But, it's an easy race comparatively, flat surface, perfect weather, nice view, smooth running surface. It was nice. A few friends ran the same race. They passed me at mile 2, but it was still nice to see some familiar faces.

So, I want to run it again this year. I had a goal to run 5 races this year. I ran one, the Augora Hills half marathon. It's August. So, I have revised my former goal (as I usually do) and now I just want to run two.

So, I rallied the guys (and the few females) who work with me to try to get a team together. My boss said he'd sponsor us. (Not that we need one, it only costs around $30). I got a few people who were game to do it. But, mainly I got excuses. They were funny!

#1 - Joe
Ali: Hey do you want to run a half marathon with us in December?
Joe: How long is a half marathon, 5 miles?
Ali: A little more.
Joe: 6 miles?
Ali: Well, actually it's 13.1.
Joe: I am busy that day.
Ali: I didn't even tell you what day it was!
Joe: I am busy all of December.

#2 - Jonathan
Ali: Hey do you want to run a half marathon with us in December?
Jonathan: Do they have smoke breaks during the race?
Ali: Sure.
Jonathan: how long is a half marathon?
Ali: It should only take a few hours.
Jonathan: But, how many meters?
Ali: Meters? I don't know, who runs in meters? It's 13.1 miles.
Jonathan: No way. The most I ever ran was 8.
Ali: That's good. You can do it, you have 3 months to train. The race isn't until December.
Jonathan: Oh, I have from now until December and all I have to do is run 13.1 miles. That's fine, I could probably run 13 miles by December. I'll let you know when I am finished with them, might even be November.
Ali: You are a sorry excuse for a Marine.

#3 - Nick
Ali: Hey do you want to run a half marathon with us in December?
Nick: How many miles is that?
Ali: 13.
Nick: I can't, I am handicapped.
Ali: What? Since when?
Nick: It's been about 3 years now.

WHAT A BUNCH OF WANKERS!!!

Things that would have been helpful to know yesterday!!!

... how many cylinders are in my car. When the guy who was trying to sell me (and my NICE landlord) a new car battery asked me if I had a 4 or 6 cylinder car, I said "yes". CLEARLY, he was asking me a multiple choice question, not a yes or no. Huh... no idea.

... my blood type. If I need to save a life, it would be important to know if I can. Lucky for me I got a letter the other day from the Red Cross calling me a herO because I have O, the most useful kind of blood!

... that ALL people function better on 9 hours of sleep. I have A LOT of sleep to catch up on.