"... second time in thirty-two years..."

I must have heard this statement at least a dozen times between 5:30 AM and 6:30 AM Saturday morning while I was standing in the rain atop a mountain in 40 degree weather... "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the second time in thirty-two years that it has rained for the St. George Marathon."

And, while it was a laudable effort on behalf of the St. George Marathon personnel to make us feel like real athletes... BITE ME!!! You have got to be kidding me!

Yesterday I ran my 2nd marathon... and it SUCKED! Seriously! I finished with purple hands and chattering teeth.

I have to admit, I knew I wasn't going to enjoy it when I stepped out of the bus IN THE RAIN in the 5 AM hour!!! Then I had to stand there FOREVER. But, luckily the marathon committee handed out "rain coats", which apparently in Utah is code for K-mart-plastic-shopping-bag-that-you-can-put-over-your-head-if-you-want. Unfortunately it was STILL raining and STILL 40 degrees and we all know how much I hate 1.) being cold; 2.) eating anything with cheese in it and 3.) dating... in that order.

I did see my cousin Julie, which was fun. She was in the elite corral by the start line where there were 30 porta-potties for 200 runners. I was on the other side, where there were 30 porta-potties for the other 6,800 runners. I asked Julie if I could use hers, since we are family. CLEARLY, the ability to run ridiculously fast is only dominant on the maternal side!

So anyway, the first marathon I ran, I was surprisingly chipper given the fact that I had voluntarily decided to run 26.2 miles. But, I don't think I smiled even once during the first 26 miles of this one! Seriously, I was miserable. And, I would like to say that I have recovered... but, truthfully I haven't my body HURTS and it sucks.

But, there were some moments that, although never made me smile, might possible make the rest of you laugh. During the run my mind vacillated between a bunch of really important thoughts, which were:

1.) I wonder if my ipod could electrocute me?

2.) I could never be a pioneer - extreme exercise in miserable weather conditions is SO not for me.

3.) I am pretty sure my shorts are see-through!

4.) This is strange, I wonder why my legs aren't sore... oh wait, I haven't been able to feel them since I had to take of my sweats before mile 6!

5.) How can I tell if I have hypothermia?

6.) Whose stupid idea was this? Surely, it wasn't mine was it?

There was one point, right after the 26-mile mark, at which I smiled. I saw one of my closest friends, Robin, and my boss, his wife and his two cute children at the finish line, with signs that said "Go Ali" and they were smiling and cheering! We all know how much I adore my boss Joe. But, this time he went above and beyond! That was by far the most touching thing a boss has ever done for me! Thanks Joe! I appreciate that more than you'll ever know! Even if renting an RV and driving to St. George was "the most redneck thing" you've ever done, I'll never forget it!

I am pretty sure that I am WAY too old to run anymore marathons. Now before any of you tell me that your 95-year-old papa ran a marathon last year, I am not saying that someone my age is too old, CLEARLY, I know this. And, I was remind of this fact almost as much as I heard the "... second time in thirty-two years..." line, I heard about the 5 octogenarians that were signed up to run the race, 4 of whom I am pretty sure past my sorry trash!!! (Please note, I was also beat by a man who ran barefoot! NICE. But, I believe my time although 30 minutes slower than my first marathon, was still faster than Oprah's... if she even REALLY ran a marathon... did anyone even see her start... or finish... or anywhere in the middle??? I only saw pictures of her little minions surrounding her...)

But, even as I say this, I am pretty sure my roommate has me convinced that I should run the L.A. marathon over President's Day in February... Speaking of Dizzy, she was AMAZING (as usual) and she's been reminding me all day that she isn't even remotely sore, while I can't even sit down or stand up! Thanks for that roommie...

Congratulations also to M.E., Dan and Julie who finished their first marathons! Brett for killing your 2nd in the Heavy-weight division - so good to see you. And, Melissa who finished her 5th. (Celine, Douglas told me that you were thinking of doing it again next year... I knew you'd NEVER retire!)

And, then there was Cafe Rio... twice! YES PLEASE!!!