"The Animal"

So, for my little Christmas present this year I got from Santa (a.k.a. Joe) a Dyson vacuum. Which is exactly what I wanted. It made me feel like a real woman. And, it sucks up EVERYTHING, even flies!

But, the problem was that the Dyson I got was a little bit dysfunctional. It sounded light a freight train while it was sucking everything up. NO GOOD. It was scary and loud. So, I had to return it.

I braved the return line at Costco today (never a good idea on a Saturday) and this is what happened.

Me: I need to return this vacuum I got for Christmas. I have the receipt.
Costco Guy: Is there anything wrong with it?
Me: Yes, it's really loud. I mean really loud.
Costco Guy: It says the name of your vacuum is "The Animal".
Me: I know, isn't that funny?
Costco Guy: So, it's probably supposed to be loud.
Me: Ha ha ha.
Costco Guy: So, do you want to take it back then.
Me: You're just messing with me right?
Costco Guy: What do you mean?
Me: No, seriously, I need to give this one back to you and get a new one.
Costco Guy: Are you sure it's not suppose to sound like that?
Me: Like a freight train? Yea, pretty sure. It's like a really expensive vacuum.
Costco Guy: That's because it's supposed to suck really well.
Me: It does! It's amazing.
Costco Guy: Ok, good. So, you'll keep it?
Me: No, seriously, I need to give this one back to you and get a new one.
Costco Guy: Are you sure it's not supposed to sound like it does. Did you compare it with another one just like it?
Me: This vacuum costs as much as a small country! It costs that much because it's supposed to be quiet but suck really well! Plus, it's supposed to outlast me by like a decade. Why would I buy 2?
Costco Guy: Ok, so you'd like to return this?
Me: Yes, please.
Costco Guy: Ok. Here's your Costco cash card.
Me: No, I just want a new vacuum.
Costco Guy: We only do returns, not exchanges. But, you can go buy another one.

As it turns out, they no longer make "The Animal". Somehow in the ONE MONTH that it was purchased, it has been upgraded to a new model called the "Asthma and Allergy" model. Which is nice, because if it doesn't work out, I don't have to have that crazy conversation about it's noise level with another Costco guy/girl. But, it sucked a little, because of course the same vacuum with a different name cost me an extra $80... which is crazy because that vacuum already costs more than a car payment (maybe even a mid-westerner's house payment) and I don't even have asthma or allergies.

And, today I saw a MAN wearing a dress and tap shoes when I went to the grocery store. (I know that has nothing to do with anything I just said... but, it was crazy... just like the Costco guy).