Intensive Language Theory

I was talking to my dear sweet friend Brooke (who is hilarious). Anyway, I was just saying how I am in this phase where I just want to avoid long, detailed, uncomfortable and probing conversations all together. (Yes, I know this is in deed very strange coming from me - but, I am just too over it lately). Anyway, she came up with the raddest idea ever!

She said to travel with an intensive language system (cds) in some, rarely spoken in the U.S., language - like Russian. The theory is that when I get into a car I can just pop in the cd and then when anyone wants to say anything all I have to say is "no no, in Russian. Everything has to be said in Russian while in this car!" Can you imagine!?!

So Rad! - I am thinking of testing it out this weekend.

'That Joke Never Gets Old...'

So, a little while ago I got this text message sent to me that was OBVIOUSLY not intended for me. It was from a guy I know. There are two main reasons I knew it wasn't for me. First, it was way cryptic, something about "getting cowboys" or something - sounded kind of brokeback, if you ask me. But, more importantly, it said "Hey Tami"... which, last time I check was neither my name nor any moniker I ever remember receiving. Anyway, Jonathan was in my office when this text came in and I read it aloud. I mainly just laughed thinking it was pretty funny, given the source and the situation. But, he REALLY laughed. I mean there is a high probability there was snorting involved.

But, I digress... the point is, this was like 2 weeks ago or something and Jonathan STILL finds it wildly entertaining. Since the incident I have only been called 'Tami', not my real name. I mean in every possible media, phone, email, text and all other general conversation. This is, of course, done with supreme laughter. He likes to switch up how he slips in the 'Tami' joke. It's really not THAT funny. But, today's version was pretty funny. Jonathan called while I was coming back from a meeting this morning.

Jonathan: Hey woman, where you at?
Ali: I am in San Bernardino. I am actually putting gas in my car right now and I am really glad you called.
Jonathan: What? Really? You're never glad I called. What's going on?
Ali: Well, there's this homeless man and he keeps hitting on me. I already gave the guy money. Now he's just gawking and talking.
Jonathan: laughing... breathe... laughing. So how's that working out for you? More laughing...
Ali: Quite well, actually. I am thinking of going out with him.
Jonathan: Well, at least he didn't call you Tami!!! Extreme laughing and then... wait for it... wait for it... SNORT... continuous laughing.
Ali: You're right Jonathan. The homeless guy probably does have a leg-up on that guy.

Just When I Thought My Boss Couldn't Get Any More Awesome...

He pulls something like this and TOTALLY redeems himself.

Joe hired a personal trainer for the office. Three years ago when I was complaining about not having enough time to train for the marathon I was running, Joe came up with a brilliant idea. He spent $20,000 to build a gym over the warehouse. It rocks. There is a yoga mat, medicine balls, Satellite T.V., towels (that some guy washes for us every week), water, and of course state-of-the-art workout equipment. It's sweet.

But, there something about sweating in front of your co-workers that seems unnatural. So, I hardly ever use it. (At least that's my excuse). Truth be told, I HATE weight training. I am such a wanker! I have had 2 personal trainers (one time each). Both of them let me talk them out of doing anything that would be in any way productive for my body, by the mere fact that I'd say "oh, yea, I don't really want to do that." Well, after I said that to every exercise I went home thinking 'remember when I thought it was a good idea to pay for that?'

Not this girl. Her name is Shaneqah or Shoshauna or Shaunshoa... whatever, something like that. And, she used to weigh 200 pounds. Now she looks fab! And, she kicked my butt this morning. I am supposed to go to lunch with J. Flo, but I feel like I should decline, since I can't even pick up a fork. My arms feel like noodles.

Sha...whatever (the trainer) asked me about my eating habits. I told her they were a bit tragic. She asked me what I had to eat for breakfast. I told her I had a cupcake. (Damn you Cori). She was not OK with that... no more cupcakes for breakfast (or any other meal). That sucks. What about Halloween candy? Think that would work?

She did tell me that I was ridiculously bendy! Cool huh? (Well, actually she said I was highly flexible, which in my vernacular is the same thing!)

She also told me that I weigh 135 pounds less than my boss! Turns out he can't eat ANYTHING for a while.

Anyway, I off to get lunch... hopefully the fork won't cause me problems.

Football... REALLY?!?

Did you have any earthly idea that tickets to a NFL football game cost as much as $500??? That is per ticket!!!

Are you kidding me???

Apparently, I have been living in a van down by the river, because I had NO clue! None!

So, yesterday my former boss contacted me. He still misses me - aaaahhhh. And, no wonder he does. Turns out I hooked him up with tickets to see the Cowboys a few years back. (I don't remember doing this! - But, man am I a rad employee!)

So, my dad used to be the CFO for the broadcasting/advertising agency that represented the Dallas Cowboys. He did this for about 8 years, I'd say. This is why my parents transplanted to Dallas after I graduated high school. Now he's the CFO of an import/export business in Dallas... turns out they're staying there... who knew?!?

Anyway, my point is this. Had I known that all those games my dad drug me to were so flippin' expensive, I would have stood on the corner and pawned my lower level or box seat tickets. That was a lot of money for me to nap in REALLY uncomfortable seats crammed between sweaty beer drinking men!

Can you imagine how many pairs of shoes I'd have now had I known this back then?

The Third Wife (a.k.a. Tuesdays and every other Friday)

So, last week I volunteered to be a part of a fundraiser at the Irvine Hilton for Mitt Romney, more in support of my dear friend M.E. Clayton, than Mitt, but nonetheless - Go Mitt! I had to leave a work a little early, which, of course, spawned numerous conversations about Mormonism, AGAIN.

The polygamy thing... the jokes about them, the supernumerary questions about "Big Love", etc. - they NEVER get old (well at least not to the guys I work with). The V.P. of my company still asks me questions every week when he's done watching "Big Love". 'Does the head wife decide how many wives a man can have?' 'In real life, do all the wives get along well?' 'Why does one dress normal and one dress fancy and one dress like a Pilgrim?' Yada Yada Yada. I have told the man COUNTLESS times that I have never met a polygamist. He swears I am lying!

Anyway, the guys started pelting me questions to ask Mitt (like I was going to see him - but, his wife Anne WAS there)...

Jonathan: Who is Mitt Romney?
Joe R: You idiot, it's that Mormon guy who is running for President.
Joe F: I like him, I am going to vote for him. Can you get your picture taken with him? We'll put it on our company website.
Clint: Can you ask him how he gets his hair to stay all perfect like that?
Joe R: Can you ask him when you can drink and ...???
Me: He's not the Prophet Joe! He is just some guy who happens to be Mormon and happens to be running for President. If I call you and ask you for money on his behalf, will you give it to me.
Joe R: Not unless he lets you loosen up your standards.
Me: Forget it.
Joe F: Can you get your picture taken with him?
Jonathan: How many wives does he have?
Clint: Yea, ask him how many wives he has!
Me: You guys, do you REALLY think if men could have tons of wives, I would STILL not be married? I swear it is only ONE wife these days.
Jonathan: You WOULD make a good third wife.
Clint: Maybe a better forth.
Joe F: Don't forget about the picture!

On that note, this weekend, we decided that for Halloween we (Robin, Wendy, Cori and I) would be wives 1, 2, 3 and 4 to our very own Warren Jeffs (a.k.a. Aaron). Why not??? It already feels like we're on the Bachelor!

All In A Days Work...

My company has nearly $20 million worth of construction work on-going at San Manuel Indian Bingo & Casino. I love that place. It's rad.

So, in the name of Business Development, we threw a BBQ at San Manuel. We had it inside the fire house.

Apparently only me and 6-year-old boys are facinated with firemen and fire trucks. But, lucky for me, most people have a hard time saying "no" to me. It must be my charm... what can I say?

So, the firemen were totally having a grand old time dressing us up. They even gave us props. They were all lined up handing us things to hold. The jaws of life were just too heavy for me.

And, I REALLY wanted to slide down the 3-story pole. The Chief said I couldn't because it was a liability to the fire station, should anything happen to me. He told me "You have to have a pole certificate." To which I responded, "Oh, ok then, I am totally in luck, turns out I already have one of those for my night job." Clearly, my quick wit paid off! I totally rocked the pole... here was my stellar finish.

When I grow up, I totally want to be a fireman (OK maybe I just want to be with a fireman - I don't actually consider myself brave under pressure, just a little nuts)!

I am totally serious - this is what I got paid to do at work today! A couple more events like this and I am thinking of making my own calendar!

Blast from the Past Photo Gallery

So, every year Joe buys me a new camera. I just got my new one. He's such a cute guy (the camera - not my boss, although I guess he's cute enough too). He's shiny and new (thanks for that line Madona - I use it frequently). It's a Canon 7.1 MP and it's tiny. I love him (once again, the camera - not my boss, although I guess he's alright - today).

Anyway, I currently have 3 digital cameras. I feel like I should give at least one back for the field guys to use. So, I just spent the morning purging the old photos. There were some that were WAY too cute not to publish for all to view.

Courtney, Ali, Julie and Kellie

Spils and I - Powderpuff

John Kilpatrick - Orange County Fair 2007 - He was such a good sport! This was the least compromising of the poses I made him do!

Lori & Robin - Robin's 21st Birthday.

Ali & Cori - San Jose, Costa Rica - New Year's Eve. (Someone convinced us that whatever you do at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve will foreshadow the future for the year to come... so Cori and I went BIG - Wedding in a foreign country. I think we got confused, apparently we were supposed to MOVE to the foreign country and that's why we are still not married... that's all I can come up with.

P.S. Neither of us were drinking, but we look hammered because it's like 3 AM!

Cori and Paul - San Jose, Costa Rica - New Year's Eve

Melissa Thornton

Jenn Hemsley playing Reindeer Games

Traci and Stacey

Jenn "Gutter" Anderson, J.J., Ali, Claire "Monkey" Manville, Kellie and Mindy

Mrs. Kara (Pahoajawich) Meyers and Ali (Disneyland 2007)


The Murdering Mermaids (Part I) - Cori, Ali, Robin and Melissa