In the wake of Evel Knievel...

So, CNN is reporting that Evel Knievel died today...

... which made me think of this rad story about our very own dare devil - el jefe himself - Joe Reyes.

A few weeks ago my boss bought his 3rd motorcycle (this year) and went to the Baja 100 or 1,000 or 10,000... whatever it's called, we've already clearly established that I am no good at sports??? is motorcycle riding a sport??? My dad would be SO disappointed that I am unclear about this...

So anyway, he thought he was all bad-ass, wearing a shirt that said something about a Cauhuy (something about him not being afraid of the boogie man en espanol), and at his first stop across the border into Mexico a little girl walked right up to him and asked him which Power Ranger he was supposed to be!

RAD... that is so RAD! For some reason I want to find that little girl and hug her or pay her or something!

Today is a good day!

Today Joe loves me...

more than normal.

We won this job that I wrote a proposal for BACK IN APRIL (when I almost "retired")... and so in one day we are up $10.6 million!

Yea! That's why I went to college... I'd been asking myself that question a lot lately.

I am pretty sure I could ask for whatever I want from him right now... but, I better decide quick, the work day is almost over... and I am not sure how long the high is going to last.

I am thinking I want a boat! Too grandiose???

PLUS... I got to talk to my sister-in-law and my 2-year-old neice Izzy... which is even better than a boat! (But, don't worry, I am still going to ask for the boat!)

Fuman Skeeto?!?

In my family we have this saying when we play games, "you win, but you lose." It is used to express that by the rules, you win, but by the mere fact that anyone (in particular the person blurting out the absurdly true answer) who knows something so lame is a loser.

I understand that "loser" may be a harsh word. But, hear me out...

So, a week or so ago, we were all just bumming around our house (which is now so divinely decorated in Christmas joy and festivity). And, we decided to play 90s trivial pursuit.

So here's the question (in general - not exactness): What is the name of Chris Kirkpatrick's clothing line?

WHO ??? (For clarification for those of you NORMAL people who do not know, Chris Kirkpatrick - at least I think that's the name - is a member of N'Sync or the Backdoor Boys or some similar boy band!

He has a clothing line??? - SCARY!

So, Melissa Stiles busts out with "Fuman Skeeto". Which is correct. And for which we ALL agreed that she won, but she also lost!

FYI - Melissa was on my team, and we won... but, I am not sure we should have.

P.S. For the record, they got sued for having too close a company name as another company.

P.S.S. Are you kidding... that was just the excuse FMS used for going under, because there is no way anyone would buy these TRAGIC duds! Right???

It's the Best Time of the Year...

Black Friday is over. Yippee. I am shopper... I mean, I count it among my few talents. But, man, I can not do Black Friday. Did you know that Bath and Body Works opened at 4 AM! 4 AM! Are you kidding me... what's the deal with that. Last I checked they only sold soap, right? So, running out of soap is not an option right? So, if I was to get there at... well say, noonish, they would still have soap, correct??? Just checking...

Wendy and I tried to get into Black Friday. We went to 3 running stores (I know we're nerdy!) and then braved the mall for about 3.2 seconds before we conveniently got really hungry all of the sudden (what... we run a lot, so it's allowed).

But, now that Thanksgiving is over it's not entirely shameful to start planning Christmas!

And, it starts with the music...

Last year, Cori bought me Lionel Richie's Sounds of the Seasons Christmas Album (in jest, I presume). I LOVE it!

I would be remiss if I failed to admit that should my house ever catch fire and go ablaze, that CD would be among the few things I grabbed... just to illustrate how much love I have for it!

I am listen to it now... while I take down the Pottery Barn (thanks J) inspired Autumn theme in my house and put up the Pottery Barn (thanks J) inspired Christmas decor.

Como What?!?

There are very few things that I put my foot down on and actually hold my ground with. I am easily persuaded, usually...

But, Facebook is one of them! Many people have asked, even begged, (John) me to "join".

"Everyone has to have a social network!" Do they really? Because, I refuse!

Ever since I was in pull-ups, my mom told me not to sign up for things I don't understand. This would totally apply to Facebook.

What is a"poke"? Furthermore, what is a "Super Poke?"

What does it mean when someone "throws a sheep" at you?

Why would you pay $1 to send someone an electronic Espresso bean? (Seems like tax for the stupid if you ask me).

No offense to ALL of you... but, I really don't get it!

What the ???

What happened on the Bachelor?

I am confused?

You can not pick any of them???

I mean, that is an option?!?

Who knew???

I am pretty sure the Bachelor has issues!!!

Relationships 101... AGAIN!

So, on Friday I was talking to one of my good friends, a former co-worker of mine. She's not LDS (which becomes pertinent later on in the entry). So, she's telling me that she's been hanging out with this guy for months, they talk everyday, they see each other all the time, etc. So, I ask 'Is he your boyfriend?' To which she responds 'I am not exactly sure. I am confused about that. We are always together, what does that mean?' Of course, I told her I was not the person to ask such things to, since I have yet to figure out most relationship I have or have not had!

I have to admit, albeit a little empathetic to my friends current plight, I was really relieved AND disheartened to find out that in the 'real world' (a.k.a. non-Mormon realm) this type of confusion also exists. (Please note, I am not currently confused about my relationship status, although I often have been).

This brings me to the topic of discussion around our house last night. They were about 8 of us sitting around talking about relationships. It was a basic conversation, the kind that is to be had when guys and girls get together and at least one of each gender is currently confused.

And basically my soapbox today (as derived from our conversation last night) is this:

1. The girl that eats like a NFL Linebacker, but looks like a Victoria Secret Model DOES NOT EXIST.

2. The girl that looks like a runway model fashionista, but spends no money at all to do so ALSO DOES NOT EXIST.

And furthermore, if you like a girl and you think that: a.) talking about making out with other girls; or b.) talking about how hot you find other girls and how hot they find you and what a stud that makes you feel like, is a good game plan to get her to find you desirable - you are dead wrong... but, keep trying it, you wouldn't want to just ask her out THAT could backfire.

Ok, I am done.

Princess Party Photo Gallery

My sister-wives threw me a princess party!

It was fab! I loved every minute of it.

Ali & Robin (I was forced to wear that tiara and those earrings, weren't they lovely???)

Rob, Ali & Bree

Mindy, Ali & Kim (I have no idea why I decided to clothesline these two, but I hope they enjoyed it!)

Holly, Ali & Dan (...a slightly more dead-weight clothesline for these two.)

Mike's Brother (whose name alludes me at the moment), Ali, Robin & Mike

My favorite Marci, Ali & Wendy (Dizzy)

Aaron (a.k.a. Brother Samuel), Ali & Melissa

The Best Home Teachers EVER! Brian, Ali & Ben

Robin (of the "woman-pull-yourself-together fame) & the famous Lindsey Fife

Ali & Cori (my fabulous roommie)

Ben, Ali & John K

I am sure none of you are going to believe this... but, I turned 21 AGAIN!

Is it random that I wanted to go to Pei-Wei for my big day? Chloe's favorite party place is Chick-fila. I guess we are an easy to please family!

Confessions...

1.) I'd like to be able to categorize my blog entries, but I am really not that bright.

2.) I'd really like someone to come assist me with the aforementioned task. Anyone? Anyone? Rob? Brian? Lindsey? Bree?

3.) I really liked Nick Lachey's post break-up cd. I know... deplorable right??? But, it really is quite good.

4.) I also like Ashley Parker Angel. I know... even more deplorable right??? But, he kind of looks a lot like my first boyfriend and so there's that to be considered.

Quote of the Month...

"Halloween is over... woman, pull yourself together!" - Robin Bendheim

Exactly!

I keep hearing that quote ringing in my head... it makes me laugh... and, strangely, is a bit motivating.

It turns out that if you keep eating like it's Halloween until Christmas is over, you have to buy a new size clothes at the after Christmas sale... No good!

Birthday = Food Coma

Oh my gosh... I ate SO much yesterday. Like SO much!

I overscheduled myself - shocking, I am sure, for those of you who really know me. I never do that right?!? And, I am always on time...

I ate breakfast at Plums at 10:30, lunch at 1:30 and then Thai Food (my favorite) for dinner at 5:30. That's A LOT of food! Oh, and should I start by saying that I was eating ice cream out of a carton at 9 AM watching Bros. & Sis' with Cori and I also got taken out to ice cream after Thai Food??? (That's right, twice in one day). Plus, there was the Halloween candy... oops - blast that stinkin' holiday! It's almost lunch time and I can't even imagine eating again anytime soon... well at least until dinner when I will again be fed for my birth...week???

It was my birthday yesterday... so thanks for all the well wishes, you are all super fabulous.

Plus, Cori gave me the day off from my self-imposed shopping sabbatical, so I got new shoes! Yipee!

I am pretty sure my cell phone bill this month is going to rival Rob's! No good.

But, I have to share the raddest text I got yesterday... this was from Joe Rassey a guy that used to take me out... Apparently, Erik told him it was my birthday, I haven't talked to him in probably a year or so, the text went like this:

"Hey beautiful! I hear u r a special girl today. Happy B Day!! Hope it was a good one. How r u these days? Love u! (I hope this is still your number.)"

How rad it that?!? It made me laugh.

Words of Wisdom... from a construction firm.

I was only in my office 2 days this week. But, I heard the greatest words of wisdom that I just had to pass on.

- "All hot girls show up at the airport wearing those matching sweatsuits. That's how you know they're hot." - Jonathan

J. Flo: I hear that Al Queda is going to bomb all the malls in Southern California. So, basically wherever you go, you're screwed. Or, you could get another hobby.
Ali: I DO love the mall. But, sometimes I go running. You don't love the mall? I would never have guessed.
J. Flo: No, I never go shopping. I avoid it at all costs. I haven't been shopping in 5 years. I know I need to go, but I hate it!
Ali: So, what happens when you have to do laundry and the only thing in your closet looks like something a lumberjack would wear.
J. Flo: Then I show up to work looking like a lumberjack.
Ali: Oh, so that's what happened to today. I was wondering.

- "Women are happier when they are sad. I am serious. It's weird, but true. They LIKE to be sad." - Jonathan

Maybe I can't live anywhere, maybe just almost anywhere

Seriously, prior to this week, the only places I was really really not excited to live were Arizona (been there done that, no good - sorry if I offended anyone with that one) and Florida (I am not so sorry for offending anyone there - Florida is REALLY no good)! I have been to 46 states. Seriously, I have. Many of them are no good actually. The people in Kentucky are so white they have a blueish hue - possibly from a pigment deficiency... still it was pretty, I could live there... I mean if I met the perfect guy... perfect in every way, but he HAD to live in Kentucky... I'd do it - it wouldn't be a deal breaker!

Arizona - deal breaker... Florida - deal breaker... and the newest addition St. Louis (or anywhere else in Missouri) deal breaker!

So, I am in St. Louis for a business trip. This is not the first time I have been here either (I came last year). There are some malls and even a temple, so you think I'd be ok with it. Nope. It sucks!

There are so many NO GOOD things about this place:

1.) The minimum speed limit is 40 mph... meaning you can drive THAT slow... and they do. We all know that a person would get shot for driving that slow in Cali.

2.) The maximum speed limit is 55 mph... apparently this is not a joke - I asked... meaning you can't drive faster than that... and no one did. We all know that a person would get popped for driving even that slow in Cali.

3.) It seems as if there is a lot of road construction going on in and around St. Louis. About every 100 yards there are signs posted that read this "Hit a worker pay $10,000 in fines and lose your license." - I find this sign VERY disturbing for many reasons: a.) clearly this has happened A LOT for their to be signs posted everywhere like it was tantamount to driving in the carpool lane! - Hello "hit a worker" - No good! b.) I think $10,000 is a bit steep given the fact that the speed limit restrictions would totally prohibit anyone from even knocking over a worker at such a nominal speed!

4.) It is 20 degrees in the bloody state. That's right! 20! 2-0! Brrrrrr. And, to add insult to injury, it's also windy and humid. I tried to talk to someone outside and I could not speak. It literally is take-your-breath-away cold.

5.) There is NOTHING to do here. I went to the Arch (check)... I went to Blueberry Hill (check)... I saw the monument for the Spirit of St. Louis (check)... I went to the Cheesecake Factory (check)... I went to the gym twice (check, check)... now what???

As you can see I am about to take my own life out here. Good thing I get to come back tomorrow.

Marc... what were you thinking???

I love Marc Jacobs!!!

But, you have got to be kidding me?

These "shoes" cost nearly $400... and they look like mice?

WHAT WENT WRONG?!?

Plain ole' Halloween

We did it. We dressed up... Or dressed down. We totally pulled it off. We truly looked like plain... like polygamists.



We were all SO unattractive! Even Robin's doll had more make-up on then the 4 of us combined! We looked tragic!
Jackpot!

Honestly, if I had to do it... there are no other girls I'd rather have as sister wives. And our husband (although he sort of blends into the background and you can barely see him) - he was such a good sport. We even got him to go to a party!

I had a really hard time not smiling... can you tell?

Joe gave me $100 to dress up like this at work. I'd do almost anything for $100... actually, I'd do almost anything for a lot less, but let's not tell him that - I LOVE getting Benjamins! He said he'd give $100 to whomever dressed the sexiest. CLEARLY, we all took his bet really seriously, don't we all look hot?!? But, he gave us all money anyway. (I KNOW, I STILL have the greatest boss ever!)

My co-workers (the men didn't dress up - shocking!!! Maria (the Sumo), Theresa (the hag), Michelle (the nerd), Ali (the polygamist) and Nancy (the fat lady who lost a puppy... in her own crack!)

The best part about costume was how much work it took to actually pull it off!

You have to see the socks and shoes to get the whole effect! Tragic... so tragic! Plus, I am like 12 months along and wearing a dress that apparently Aaron's mom owns. It's ok, Robin is wearing one that apparently she herself owns, which has got to be worse right???

I went to Utah last weekend to hang out with friends and while I was there I thought I'd just go to the thrift store and pick up some Amish-looking clothes. Well, I ran out of time and we only had time to go into a regular clothing store. Jackpot. There was an ENTIRE WALL of huge denim jumpers and denim/floral hybrid dresses. It was so unfortunate that these were sold in a store store (as opposed to a second-hand store), but fortunately for me, I found these beauties (mine and Cori's) for $5.99 a piece... and as a bonus, I got the butterfly clip in the not even close to gold looking faux gold with the plastic stones... SO UGLY! If only I had a scrunchie as well that would have been even more RAD!

Anyway, in order to pull of our theme, we neededAaron to not look so much like Aaron and look more like Brother Samuel the polygamist husband. And I... well, I actually have a very short A-line blonde bob, which is a little too chic to do anything plain with (especially since I can't even get it all to be in a ponytail, let alone a bun or braid). So, we needed a beard and a wig! I was on the hunt!

I went everywhere that shady costume-type stuff was sold, Target, JoAnn's, Big Lots, the mall, the grocery store... with no avail. I couldn't find a normal hair colored wig anywhere, and a beard was completely out of the question.

I was running out of time. Tuesday evening we had tickets to see Matt White perform in a small venue in L.A. He was REALLY good. But, we got there about a half hour before he played. And, we passed dozens of costume shops on Hollywood/Beverly... or so I thought. I ducked outside to hit some of the shops. Surely, there had to be wigs and beards in one of these shops right?

Well, as it turns out, they were not so much costumes shops as they were porn/scanky lingerie shops - ALL of them. I had to see so many crotches, pasties, tassles and ... oh gosh... all in the name of looking Amish (ironic???) I'd walk in to a store all flushed with my head down and ask the sales associates(???) if they had any beards or wigs, to which they would respond "Oh, we can do better than that we have ..." or "beards and wigs, that's not nearly as fun as ..." I finally had to stop them by saying "No, no... just say yes or no, I DO NOT want any suggestions for other options." In the 5th store, I FINALLY found them, I think it WAS actually a costume shop, this one... but, I am pretty sure I lost my soul in the process ... (I seem to be doing that a lot this year).

Although, I am pretty convinced that we had the best costumes ever - everyone else looked spectacular as well.




Nellie (the Cupcake) and Aubrey (the Hindu lady)

This has got to be one of the worst pictures of me ever (which I guess was the point), but I love Marci (the Palm Reader), she's too darling not to post. Plus you can see the fab butterfly clip.

Oh, cute little P (the mouse).

Look how cute Ceasar (John Kilpatrick) is! I am pretty sure he's going to be crushed when I tell him that the baby is not actually his!!!

I am pretty sure I make a very close copy of Elin N. Tiger Woods' (Mike Palmer) Supermodel wife, no?