I know I am a late bloomer...

... always have been.

So, last night I played Guitar Hero for the first time! (I know, I am a bit behind).

Let me just tell ya, I have ZERO music talent and even less hand-eye coordination. (Which is, perhaps, why I love to run - no talent involved). Last night I was reminded of that time I HAD to play the recorder back in 4th grade... there was a recital... it was tragic. For those of you who have no idea what the recorder is, there are like 8 notes... THE END. Not hard. But, I was no good.

Similarly, I was NO GOOD at Guitar Hero. I played twice against my cousin Scott. I got a 53% on the first game and a 60% on the second game. I was on the easy level. That's NO GOOD right?

Dude Ranch?!?

I just found out the BEST news ever! My Grandma (whose is 88 years young), just signed up my entire family (extended) to spend a week at a "Dude Ranch!"

I'm not going to lie, I am not entirely sure what a "Dude Ranch" is or how or even if it is different from a regular run of the mill ranch. But, the look on the faces of all my siblings and myself when my mom told us the news, had to be priceless! "Dude Ranch!" "Are you joking?" "No, I am pretty sure she's serious." "Did you tell Adam?" "What do you mean he's excited?" "What IS a Dude Ranch anyway?" "Where is THIS Dude Ranch?" "Southern Utah?" "Is she really serious?!?" "What are we going to do at THIS Dude Ranch?" "No, she can't be serious."

This idea is SO bad, it's brilliant. 75 Brinkerhoffs at a "Dude Ranch!"

Kimmy's girls have been asking me all weekend what a "Dude Ranch" is. I keep telling them that I am not exactly sure, but that there are bound to be horses and cowboys and hay rides. They look so confused!

So, tonight we were in Fort Worth visiting Mimi at work and bumping around the Town Center. The girls got hot chocolate. All of them spilled it! It was 34 degrees! Brrrr.... But, we asked the girls if they wanted to go on a carriage ride through the Town Center! They had Parkas and they were game!

Chloe: Will there be hay?
Ali: No hay, but there are horses pulling the carriage.
Olivia: Yea, horses!
Chloe: Is this like the Dude Ranch?
Olivia: Yea, this will be good practice for the "Dude Ranch", right Ali?
Ali: Sure, Liv, your guess is as good as mine!

~Here's our test shot! Dude Ranch Practice, take 1!~

My Untimely Encounter with Kim Kardashian

So, the other day while at work I had to put together this presentation, but my laptops (that's right, I have 2 for some reason - thanks Joe) were both at home. So, I had to use Jonathan's.

Anyway, he's on the phone with me walking me through some things and I needed a flash drive to save this huge file from our network to his computer... blah, blah, blah... Anyway, he tells me to look in his laptop bag because he thinks he has one in the front pouch.

Not so much. I open it up and I see the December issue of Playboy magazine, which has on it's lovely CLAZZY cover a photo of Kim Kardashian (wearing a Santa hat - THE END). So, I exclaim "Holy, Kim Kardashian!" while I am on the phone with Jonathan. He seems confused at first and then he realized what he made the poor little naive Mormon girl look at.

JSM: Oh, you found my magazine. I forgot about that. Oops.
Ali: Yea, um, it's OK, I guess, don't be embarrassed.
JSM: Oh, I am not! Don't worry.
Ali: OK, sorry, yea, that was more for me.
JSM: What? I am total heterosexual guy.
Ali: Not that I had any doubts. You're not going to use the old 'they have really good articles' line?
JSM: Why would I, I don't even know how to read!

Blindsided!

Doh!

I've worked at the same place for 5 years now... a record for me. And, anyone who knows me knows why! My job, while demanding, is also VERY RAD!

Basically, I have this place figured out. Joe gives out money like he's Daddy Warbucks (and we love him for that!), Jonathan gives out grief like it's going out of style, Clint and Teo give out very high maintenance requests... I mean I have everything here down. There are very few surprises.

So, usually I know who to buy Christmas stuff for at my office, Joe, Ricardo and the girls. Every year that's what I do. It's been fine every year.

I have to admit, I can't take it if I get a gift from someone and I didn't expect it and don't have one in return! It makes me feel guilty. (Shocking, seeing as I NEVER feel guilty about anything... oh wait...) I'd always rather over-give than under-give. So, I am about to leave to Texas in a hour. And, out of no where J. Flo comes in and gives me $100 to the spa! And, then Chris comes in with this pound cake that he made from scratch! Out of no where! I have to bake something in return! But, I don't have time! And, I don't know how to bake! I feel blindsided! Chris just left the gift in my office and is gone for the day, so we're OK there. But, J. Flo... HE HANDED IT TO ME! So this is what transpired next.

J.Flo: Merry Christmas, I owe you big. You do a lot for me!
Ali: What? Wait, no! I don't really. Take this back!
J. Flo: No, it's for you!
Ali: You can't do that! You pulled that out of nowhere. We don't exchange gifts.
J. Flo: Well, it's ok, you do a lot for me.
Ali: Take it back!
J. Flo: What am I going to do at a spa? You deserve it.
Ali: No, not really. As I shuffle in my purse. Here, have this then, Owen gave me a Starbucks card and I don't even drink coffee.
J. Flo: Lauging hysterically.... still!

Neurotic Much!!!

The End of Tolerance

I love Christmas... especially the music! I really want to start listening to it in July, but I usually hold off until at least October.

And, after Thanksgiving "the KOST 103.5" plays "Christmas Favorites" around-the-clock. I must say, for about three weeks it's pure bliss, I can tolerate every song and the creepy Deejays who all sound like phone sex operators (ummmm... I presume)!

But, about this time every year there are some songs that drive me crazy! I mean, almost postal! So, I have to put on the CDs that I have in my collection.

But, just for the sake of argument, "the KOST 103.5 Christmas Favorites" list is just a general term right? Not an accurate one, true? I mean are these songs REALLY anyone's favorites?

1.) Christmas Through Your Eyes - Gloria Estefan (For the record, Gloria Estefan should not sing Christmas music! Come to think of it Gloria Estefan should not sing ANY music, she probably should not even sing in the shower.)

2.) Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer - Billy Gillman (First off, I don't LOVE this song, it annoys me - sorry Chloe (my 7-year-old niece would be so bummed that I think that) and second off, Billy Gillman has an UNNATURALLY high voice - even if he is a pre-pubescent boy).

3.) A Few of My Favorite Things - Julie Andrews (This song was fine in The Sound of Music, but who cleared it as a Christmas song??? - I am voting it back to the Sound of Music, cuz' I'm over it!)

4.) I don't even know the name of it but the song that goes ".... sir, I wanna buy these shoes for my mama dear...." it's that really hoakie song about that poor boy and he wants to buy new shoes for his dying mom so that she looks pretty when she sees Jesus... (Boo Hoo... someone call Hallmark or Lifetime Television and tell them to come get their Christmas song and make it into a Friday night movie for all the "cat ladies" to enjoy. It's so contrived! And what does it have to do with Christmas anyway? I want to pull my hair out!)

5.) Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer - who knows who sings this song? Who even cares? I think even the singers are annoyed that this songs is still successful! (I wonder if they would be willing to forego their rights for royalties to just stop hearing this blasted song? When we figure out who sings it, maybe I will contact them and ask!)

If these really are anyone's "Christmas Favorites" - you deserve to be shot! Sorry, that's just how it goes!

"Mistletoe Lane"

Cori and I were decorating for Christmas a few weeks back. I have like 3 boxes full of Christmas stuff. And, in one of the boxes, I found this darling 5x7 Christmas Photo frame black with gold stars around it. Inside, I found this beauty...


There are no words for this photo. My excuse is that is was the 90s! This is Highland High School's Winter Formal 1995! Yikes. Here's the really tragic part. I was voted the Best Dressed of my high school, so this WAS apparently as good as it gets. My date was Steve Critchfield who got voted "Class Clown"... what can I say, I've always liked them funny!

Whew... that's rough! But, funny! (So, that's what my real hair color is?!? - I almost forgot).

This photo is now proudly displayed on our counter!

Huh???

Do you ever have those days where you just know you aren't as bright as you once were?

I have had those days consecutively for about 3 months now. So, as much as I hate to admit it, I don't think it's a passing phase, but rather a permanent condition.

And, just in case I thought I was paranoid, today in my office Jonathan said to me "did something fall on you head recently or something?"

I am not as smart as I once was - it's official.

THE CHRISTMAS PARTY!!!

Oh good heavens. Where do I start??? Well, every year at my office we have this HUGE Christmas Party. My boss spends about $100K ($10K on booze, $5K on food $25K on prizes and the rest on the casino, the tent, the lighting, etc.). Ever year it's such a blast!

This is Chris. He asked me if I would pose with him on the pole! Hello... awkward. Then he grabbed my hand... ummmmm... Clearly, he was already drunk when we got there.

One year I brought a date (a real date)! That was... ummm.... 4 years ago. So, I am pretty sure no one at my office suspects I am lesbian... although, you never know. Since then, I have brought Mark (my baby bro.) twice and Cori too. This year I took the girls (Wendy, Cori, Robin and Melanie).

With the exception on a few pregnant women, we were the only sober ones in the bunch. But, I am pretty sure you couldn't tell.

Cori wanted to sit in the bucket of the backhoe.

You all know Robin... therefore, this photo needs no explaining... there was a pole and there was Robin...

The talk in the office today is about how the Mormon girls were really good gamblers. Wendy rolled 7 7s in a row at the craps table - and she didn't even know how to play! So, Joe gave her a mixer or a juicer or something like that.

Joe hires a professional photographer. He took literally at least a few dozen photos of us. I asked him if he was making a calendar... he just laughed.

As you can imagine, 5 single girls (HOT single girls) at a construction party were quite a hit! Everyone got lots of attention.

And, you can only imagine how hot we were after $10K worth of booze! My boss asked me this morning how all my cute blonde friends were. I had to let him down gently, by informing him that most of them were in fact brunettes!

(Wendy, Robin, Cori (the sister-wives), Melanie & I posing for the month of May for our upcoming calendar).

But, Robin definitely got the most attention. One of the casino workers told her that she gave him "the tingles!" (Is that right Robin???) And, I believe he told Robin she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. And, while I won't refute the sentiment, I think she actually believed he'd never said that before! Nonetheless, I would like to present the happy couple! I am pretty sure they are M.F.E.O.

Robin, Joe wanted me to tell you that if you are dumb enough to give this guy your phone number, you better not sue him!

Would you really give this guy (a black guy named "Steve" - which seems like a really white guy name if you ask me) your phone number??? Neither would I!!! But, Robin seemed to think it was a good idea!

At the end of the night I won a 46" Sony Bravia LCD 1080P with an accompanying Sony Bravia Home Theater System. (In all actuality, I have no idea what this means, but Aaron and Rob assure me it's a rad T.V. And, I am pretty sure my dad is more proud of this accomplishment than he is that I graduated college and got a job!)

Everyone in my office decided that it might help me get married! We'll see.

Note: Ladies, Jonathan said you were nice. Clint said you were cute. And, Joe said all the blondes could come back next year (I am pretty sure that means all of you - given his confusion).

Dazed and Confused...

My friend Melanie (who've I've known and loved forever), flew in on Friday to run the half marathon with me... (and John and Wendy and Helaman). She's so funny. Everytime she gets here we over schedule. This time was no different. As it turns out, we were in the car a lot!

On Saturday, Mel turned to me and said "I am just wondering, in California does every La Quinta Inn have a Hooters below it?"

As it turns out, it was the same "hybrid" (that was for you Mel) establishment that we happened to pass numerous times. I just thought that was such a funny question.