To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Friday, December 9, 2011

The World's Most AWESOME(ly bad) Christmas Party

So.... 3 years ago I took a job with a new company (after having worked at my previous one for 6 years. It was the hardest break-up of my life (NO JOKE)... but, I digress...) Anyway. I loved the old job. And, I love the new job. So, I am blessed.

However, at Reyes (old job) we had the Christmas Party to end all Christmas parties. It was rad. We had dinner catered and an entire Casino staffed with legitimate dealers and chips and moolah, open bar (which was fun for me in that EVERYONE got drunk, except for yours truly, and it was AWESOME to watch the train wreck. One year a lady fell asleep on my desk, which was in no way even close to the party tent!) But, the presents were to die for... oh... my... gosh. One year I got a Kitchen Aid, the next year I got a 47" HDTV Sony Bravia plasma television with a 10-piece surround-sound speaker system complete with a blueray DVD player and Ipod connection, the next year I won a Dyson vacuum, not to mention that every year I also won money, and gift cards, and lottery tickets, and all sorts of awesome stuff. I miss those parties!

Well, the parties at my new job.... let's just say, I have been thinking for quite sometime that a). I am getting punk'd and there has to be some camera somewhere (in addition to the standard nanny cam that is always in the office in order to monitor our shenanigans) and b). that I should REALLY get in contact with the scriptwriters of The Office, because this party would provide fodder that would translate perfectly to that kind of satirical comedy.

First we have a BBQ, where only food that is neutral (beige or brownish) is admitted to the table (tri-tip, pork ribs, chicken, pulled-pork, baked beans, corn bread, potato salad and BBQ sauce which is scooped out with a laddle). Apparently we are anti-color and health here at MZT (new job).

And, then we have birthday cake for dessert. Happy Birthday Jesus?!?!

And, then the real fun begins. Catherine (our lovely Receptionist/Office Manager) wraps all the presents and sticks them under the fake tree, to be unwrapped, one per person. These present are never purchased... oh no, that would be way too costly. They are received, one-by-one, from Staples, FREE tchotchkes collected throughout the year, given to all orders over $100.

Last year, I got liquid potpourri, that smelled like feet and was the color of freshly cleaned toilet water. What would one do with liquid potpourri?!? I mean, even if it miraculously smelled refreshing??? It is bright blue and liquid! I couldn't very well put it in a bowl and stick it on the coffee table. BAD idea. Horrible! I gave it away at as white elephant gift at another holiday party.

One thing I have come to realize in this present frenzy, is that there is a 99.9% chance that the present received will be some sort of bag (a cheaply made bag that may or may not involve a cooling device, or a plastic coating, or a straw mat and towel).

So, in order to avoid getting a bag (which is easily identifiable by it's mere squishiness and shape), this year I asked for a box - which turned out to be a brilliant move. Because this year I scored a multi-function radio lantern with a built-in flashlight. And, Jackie won a set of 4-cutting boards with a nifty cutting board holder.

And, at my office Christmas Party, you could basically say we won the Grand Prizes! Boo ya!

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