To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Monday, December 24, 2007

I know I am a late bloomer...

... always have been.

So, last night I played Guitar Hero for the first time! (I know, I am a bit behind).

Let me just tell ya, I have ZERO music talent and even less hand-eye coordination. (Which is, perhaps, why I love to run - no talent involved). Last night I was reminded of that time I HAD to play the recorder back in 4th grade... there was a recital... it was tragic. For those of you who have no idea what the recorder is, there are like 8 notes... THE END. Not hard. But, I was no good.

Similarly, I was NO GOOD at Guitar Hero. I played twice against my cousin Scott. I got a 53% on the first game and a 60% on the second game. I was on the easy level. That's NO GOOD right?

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Dude Ranch?!?

I just found out the BEST news ever! My Grandma (whose is 88 years young), just signed up my entire family (extended) to spend a week at a "Dude Ranch!"

I'm not going to lie, I am not entirely sure what a "Dude Ranch" is or how or even if it is different from a regular run of the mill ranch. But, the look on the faces of all my siblings and myself when my mom told us the news, had to be priceless! "Dude Ranch!" "Are you joking?" "No, I am pretty sure she's serious." "Did you tell Adam?" "What do you mean he's excited?" "What IS a Dude Ranch anyway?" "Where is THIS Dude Ranch?" "Southern Utah?" "Is she really serious?!?" "What are we going to do at THIS Dude Ranch?" "No, she can't be serious."

This idea is SO bad, it's brilliant. 75 Brinkerhoffs at a "Dude Ranch!"

Kimmy's girls have been asking me all weekend what a "Dude Ranch" is. I keep telling them that I am not exactly sure, but that there are bound to be horses and cowboys and hay rides. They look so confused!

So, tonight we were in Fort Worth visiting Mimi at work and bumping around the Town Center. The girls got hot chocolate. All of them spilled it! It was 34 degrees! Brrrr.... But, we asked the girls if they wanted to go on a carriage ride through the Town Center! They had Parkas and they were game!

Chloe: Will there be hay?
Ali: No hay, but there are horses pulling the carriage.
Olivia: Yea, horses!
Chloe: Is this like the Dude Ranch?
Olivia: Yea, this will be good practice for the "Dude Ranch", right Ali?
Ali: Sure, Liv, your guess is as good as mine!

~Here's our test shot! Dude Ranch Practice, take 1!~

Friday, December 21, 2007

My Untimely Encounter with Kim Kardashian

So, the other day while at work I had to put together this presentation, but my laptops (that's right, I have 2 for some reason - thanks Joe) were both at home. So, I had to use Jonathan's.

Anyway, he's on the phone with me walking me through some things and I needed a flash drive to save this huge file from our network to his computer... blah, blah, blah... Anyway, he tells me to look in his laptop bag because he thinks he has one in the front pouch.

Not so much. I open it up and I see the December issue of Playboy magazine, which has on it's lovely CLAZZY cover a photo of Kim Kardashian (wearing a Santa hat - THE END). So, I exclaim "Holy, Kim Kardashian!" while I am on the phone with Jonathan. He seems confused at first and then he realized what he made the poor little naive Mormon girl look at.

JSM: Oh, you found my magazine. I forgot about that. Oops.
Ali: Yea, um, it's OK, I guess, don't be embarrassed.
JSM: Oh, I am not! Don't worry.
Ali: OK, sorry, yea, that was more for me.
JSM: What? I am total heterosexual guy.
Ali: Not that I had any doubts. You're not going to use the old 'they have really good articles' line?
JSM: Why would I, I don't even know how to read!

Thursday, December 20, 2007



I've worked at the same place for 5 years now... a record for me. And, anyone who knows me knows why! My job, while demanding, is also VERY RAD!

Basically, I have this place figured out. Joe gives out money like he's Daddy Warbucks (and we love him for that!), Jonathan gives out grief like it's going out of style, Clint and Teo give out very high maintenance requests... I mean I have everything here down. There are very few surprises.

So, usually I know who to buy Christmas stuff for at my office, Joe, Ricardo and the girls. Every year that's what I do. It's been fine every year.

I have to admit, I can't take it if I get a gift from someone and I didn't expect it and don't have one in return! It makes me feel guilty. (Shocking, seeing as I NEVER feel guilty about anything... oh wait...) I'd always rather over-give than under-give. So, I am about to leave to Texas in a hour. And, out of no where J. Flo comes in and gives me $100 to the spa! And, then Chris comes in with this pound cake that he made from scratch! Out of no where! I have to bake something in return! But, I don't have time! And, I don't know how to bake! I feel blindsided! Chris just left the gift in my office and is gone for the day, so we're OK there. But, J. Flo... HE HANDED IT TO ME! So this is what transpired next.

J.Flo: Merry Christmas, I owe you big. You do a lot for me!
Ali: What? Wait, no! I don't really. Take this back!
J. Flo: No, it's for you!
Ali: You can't do that! You pulled that out of nowhere. We don't exchange gifts.
J. Flo: Well, it's ok, you do a lot for me.
Ali: Take it back!
J. Flo: What am I going to do at a spa? You deserve it.
Ali: No, not really. As I shuffle in my purse. Here, have this then, Owen gave me a Starbucks card and I don't even drink coffee.
J. Flo: Lauging hysterically.... still!

Neurotic Much!!!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The End of Tolerance

I love Christmas... especially the music! I really want to start listening to it in July, but I usually hold off until at least October.

And, after Thanksgiving "the KOST 103.5" plays "Christmas Favorites" around-the-clock. I must say, for about three weeks it's pure bliss, I can tolerate every song and the creepy Deejays who all sound like phone sex operators (ummmm... I presume)!

But, about this time every year there are some songs that drive me crazy! I mean, almost postal! So, I have to put on the CDs that I have in my collection.

But, just for the sake of argument, "the KOST 103.5 Christmas Favorites" list is just a general term right? Not an accurate one, true? I mean are these songs REALLY anyone's favorites?

1.) Christmas Through Your Eyes - Gloria Estefan (For the record, Gloria Estefan should not sing Christmas music! Come to think of it Gloria Estefan should not sing ANY music, she probably should not even sing in the shower.)

2.) Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer - Billy Gillman (First off, I don't LOVE this song, it annoys me - sorry Chloe (my 7-year-old niece would be so bummed that I think that) and second off, Billy Gillman has an UNNATURALLY high voice - even if he is a pre-pubescent boy).

3.) A Few of My Favorite Things - Julie Andrews (This song was fine in The Sound of Music, but who cleared it as a Christmas song??? - I am voting it back to the Sound of Music, cuz' I'm over it!)

4.) I don't even know the name of it but the song that goes ".... sir, I wanna buy these shoes for my mama dear...." it's that really hoakie song about that poor boy and he wants to buy new shoes for his dying mom so that she looks pretty when she sees Jesus... (Boo Hoo... someone call Hallmark or Lifetime Television and tell them to come get their Christmas song and make it into a Friday night movie for all the "cat ladies" to enjoy. It's so contrived! And what does it have to do with Christmas anyway? I want to pull my hair out!)

5.) Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer - who knows who sings this song? Who even cares? I think even the singers are annoyed that this songs is still successful! (I wonder if they would be willing to forego their rights for royalties to just stop hearing this blasted song? When we figure out who sings it, maybe I will contact them and ask!)

If these really are anyone's "Christmas Favorites" - you deserve to be shot! Sorry, that's just how it goes!

Monday, December 17, 2007

"Mistletoe Lane"

Cori and I were decorating for Christmas a few weeks back. I have like 3 boxes full of Christmas stuff. And, in one of the boxes, I found this darling 5x7 Christmas Photo frame black with gold stars around it. Inside, I found this beauty...

There are no words for this photo. My excuse is that is was the 90s! This is Highland High School's Winter Formal 1995! Yikes. Here's the really tragic part. I was voted the Best Dressed of my high school, so this WAS apparently as good as it gets. My date was Steve Critchfield who got voted "Class Clown"... what can I say, I've always liked them funny!

Whew... that's rough! But, funny! (So, that's what my real hair color is?!? - I almost forgot).

This photo is now proudly displayed on our counter!

Thursday, December 13, 2007


Do you ever have those days where you just know you aren't as bright as you once were?

I have had those days consecutively for about 3 months now. So, as much as I hate to admit it, I don't think it's a passing phase, but rather a permanent condition.

And, just in case I thought I was paranoid, today in my office Jonathan said to me "did something fall on you head recently or something?"

I am not as smart as I once was - it's official.

Monday, December 10, 2007


Oh good heavens. Where do I start??? Well, every year at my office we have this HUGE Christmas Party. My boss spends about $100K ($10K on booze, $5K on food $25K on prizes and the rest on the casino, the tent, the lighting, etc.). Ever year it's such a blast!

This is Chris. He asked me if I would pose with him on the pole! Hello... awkward. Then he grabbed my hand... ummmmm... Clearly, he was already drunk when we got there.

One year I brought a date (a real date)! That was... ummm.... 4 years ago. So, I am pretty sure no one at my office suspects I am lesbian... although, you never know. Since then, I have brought Mark (my baby bro.) twice and Cori too. This year I took the girls (Wendy, Cori, Robin and Melanie).

With the exception on a few pregnant women, we were the only sober ones in the bunch. But, I am pretty sure you couldn't tell.

Cori wanted to sit in the bucket of the backhoe.

You all know Robin... therefore, this photo needs no explaining... there was a pole and there was Robin...

The talk in the office today is about how the Mormon girls were really good gamblers. Wendy rolled 7 7s in a row at the craps table - and she didn't even know how to play! So, Joe gave her a mixer or a juicer or something like that.

Joe hires a professional photographer. He took literally at least a few dozen photos of us. I asked him if he was making a calendar... he just laughed.

As you can imagine, 5 single girls (HOT single girls) at a construction party were quite a hit! Everyone got lots of attention.

And, you can only imagine how hot we were after $10K worth of booze! My boss asked me this morning how all my cute blonde friends were. I had to let him down gently, by informing him that most of them were in fact brunettes!

(Wendy, Robin, Cori (the sister-wives), Melanie & I posing for the month of May for our upcoming calendar).

But, Robin definitely got the most attention. One of the casino workers told her that she gave him "the tingles!" (Is that right Robin???) And, I believe he told Robin she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. And, while I won't refute the sentiment, I think she actually believed he'd never said that before! Nonetheless, I would like to present the happy couple! I am pretty sure they are M.F.E.O.

Robin, Joe wanted me to tell you that if you are dumb enough to give this guy your phone number, you better not sue him!

Would you really give this guy (a black guy named "Steve" - which seems like a really white guy name if you ask me) your phone number??? Neither would I!!! But, Robin seemed to think it was a good idea!

At the end of the night I won a 46" Sony Bravia LCD 1080P with an accompanying Sony Bravia Home Theater System. (In all actuality, I have no idea what this means, but Aaron and Rob assure me it's a rad T.V. And, I am pretty sure my dad is more proud of this accomplishment than he is that I graduated college and got a job!)

Everyone in my office decided that it might help me get married! We'll see.

Note: Ladies, Jonathan said you were nice. Clint said you were cute. And, Joe said all the blondes could come back next year (I am pretty sure that means all of you - given his confusion).

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Dazed and Confused...

My friend Melanie (who've I've known and loved forever), flew in on Friday to run the half marathon with me... (and John and Wendy and Helaman). She's so funny. Everytime she gets here we over schedule. This time was no different. As it turns out, we were in the car a lot!

On Saturday, Mel turned to me and said "I am just wondering, in California does every La Quinta Inn have a Hooters below it?"

As it turns out, it was the same "hybrid" (that was for you Mel) establishment that we happened to pass numerous times. I just thought that was such a funny question.

Friday, November 30, 2007

In the wake of Evel Knievel...

So, CNN is reporting that Evel Knievel died today...

... which made me think of this rad story about our very own dare devil - el jefe himself - Joe Reyes.

A few weeks ago my boss bought his 3rd motorcycle (this year) and went to the Baja 100 or 1,000 or 10,000... whatever it's called, we've already clearly established that I am no good at sports??? is motorcycle riding a sport??? My dad would be SO disappointed that I am unclear about this...

So anyway, he thought he was all bad-ass, wearing a shirt that said something about a Cauhuy (something about him not being afraid of the boogie man en espanol), and at his first stop across the border into Mexico a little girl walked right up to him and asked him which Power Ranger he was supposed to be!

RAD... that is so RAD! For some reason I want to find that little girl and hug her or pay her or something!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Today is a good day!

Today Joe loves me...

more than normal.

We won this job that I wrote a proposal for BACK IN APRIL (when I almost "retired")... and so in one day we are up $10.6 million!

Yea! That's why I went to college... I'd been asking myself that question a lot lately.

I am pretty sure I could ask for whatever I want from him right now... but, I better decide quick, the work day is almost over... and I am not sure how long the high is going to last.

I am thinking I want a boat! Too grandiose???

PLUS... I got to talk to my sister-in-law and my 2-year-old neice Izzy... which is even better than a boat! (But, don't worry, I am still going to ask for the boat!)

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Fuman Skeeto?!?

In my family we have this saying when we play games, "you win, but you lose." It is used to express that by the rules, you win, but by the mere fact that anyone (in particular the person blurting out the absurdly true answer) who knows something so lame is a loser.
I understand that "loser" may be a harsh word. But, hear me out...

So, a week or so ago, we were all just bumming around our house (which is now so divinely decorated in Christmas joy and festivity). And, we decided to play 90s trivial pursuit.

So here's the question (in general - not exactness): What is the name of Chris Kirkpatrick's clothing line?

WHO ??? (For clarification for those of you NORMAL people who do not know, Chris Kirkpatrick - at least I think that's the name - is a member of N'Sync or the Backdoor Boys or some similar boy band!

He has a clothing line??? - SCARY!

So, Melissa Stiles busts out with "Fuman Skeeto". Which is correct. And for which we ALL agreed that she won, but she also lost!
FYI - Melissa was on my team, and we won... but, I am not sure we should have.
P.S. For the record, they got sued for having too close a company name as another company.

P.S.S. Are you kidding... that was just the excuse FMS used for going under, because there is no way anyone would buy these TRAGIC duds! Right???

Saturday, November 24, 2007

It's the Best Time of the Year...

Black Friday is over. Yippee. I am shopper... I mean, I count it among my few talents. But, man, I can not do Black Friday. Did you know that Bath and Body Works opened at 4 AM! 4 AM! Are you kidding me... what's the deal with that. Last I checked they only sold soap, right? So, running out of soap is not an option right? So, if I was to get there at... well say, noonish, they would still have soap, correct??? Just checking...

Wendy and I tried to get into Black Friday. We went to 3 running stores (I know we're nerdy!) and then braved the mall for about 3.2 seconds before we conveniently got really hungry all of the sudden (what... we run a lot, so it's allowed).

But, now that Thanksgiving is over it's not entirely shameful to start planning Christmas!

And, it starts with the music...

Last year, Cori bought me Lionel Richie's Sounds of the Seasons Christmas Album (in jest, I presume). I LOVE it!

I would be remiss if I failed to admit that should my house ever catch fire and go ablaze, that CD would be among the few things I grabbed... just to illustrate how much love I have for it!

I am listen to it now... while I take down the Pottery Barn (thanks J) inspired Autumn theme in my house and put up the Pottery Barn (thanks J) inspired Christmas decor.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Como What?!?

There are very few things that I put my foot down on and actually hold my ground with. I am easily persuaded, usually...

But, Facebook is one of them! Many people have asked, even begged, (John) me to "join".

"Everyone has to have a social network!" Do they really? Because, I refuse!

Ever since I was in pull-ups, my mom told me not to sign up for things I don't understand. This would totally apply to Facebook.

What is a"poke"? Furthermore, what is a "Super Poke?"

What does it mean when someone "throws a sheep" at you?

Why would you pay $1 to send someone an electronic Espresso bean? (Seems like tax for the stupid if you ask me).

No offense to ALL of you... but, I really don't get it!

Monday, November 19, 2007

What the ???

What happened on the Bachelor?

I am confused?

You can not pick any of them???

I mean, that is an option?!?

Who knew???

I am pretty sure the Bachelor has issues!!!

Relationships 101... AGAIN!

So, on Friday I was talking to one of my good friends, a former co-worker of mine. She's not LDS (which becomes pertinent later on in the entry). So, she's telling me that she's been hanging out with this guy for months, they talk everyday, they see each other all the time, etc. So, I ask 'Is he your boyfriend?' To which she responds 'I am not exactly sure. I am confused about that. We are always together, what does that mean?' Of course, I told her I was not the person to ask such things to, since I have yet to figure out most relationship I have or have not had!

I have to admit, albeit a little empathetic to my friends current plight, I was really relieved AND disheartened to find out that in the 'real world' (a.k.a. non-Mormon realm) this type of confusion also exists. (Please note, I am not currently confused about my relationship status, although I often have been).

This brings me to the topic of discussion around our house last night. They were about 8 of us sitting around talking about relationships. It was a basic conversation, the kind that is to be had when guys and girls get together and at least one of each gender is currently confused.

And basically my soapbox today (as derived from our conversation last night) is this:

1. The girl that eats like a NFL Linebacker, but looks like a Victoria Secret Model DOES NOT EXIST.

2. The girl that looks like a runway model fashionista, but spends no money at all to do so ALSO DOES NOT EXIST.

And furthermore, if you like a girl and you think that: a.) talking about making out with other girls; or b.) talking about how hot you find other girls and how hot they find you and what a stud that makes you feel like, is a good game plan to get her to find you desirable - you are dead wrong... but, keep trying it, you wouldn't want to just ask her out THAT could backfire.

Ok, I am done.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Princess Party Photo Gallery

My sister-wives threw me a princess party!

It was fab! I loved every minute of it.

Ali & Robin (I was forced to wear that tiara and those earrings, weren't they lovely???)

Rob, Ali & Bree

Mindy, Ali & Kim (I have no idea why I decided to clothesline these two, but I hope they enjoyed it!)

Holly, Ali & Dan (...a slightly more dead-weight clothesline for these two.)

Mike's Brother (whose name alludes me at the moment), Ali, Robin & Mike

My favorite Marci, Ali & Wendy (Dizzy)

Aaron (a.k.a. Brother Samuel), Ali & Melissa

The Best Home Teachers EVER! Brian, Ali & Ben

Robin (of the "woman-pull-yourself-together fame) & the famous Lindsey Fife
Ali & Cori (my fabulous roommie)

Ben, Ali & John K

I am sure none of you are going to believe this... but, I turned 21 AGAIN!

Is it random that I wanted to go to Pei-Wei for my big day? Chloe's favorite party place is Chick-fila. I guess we are an easy to please family!

Thursday, November 15, 2007


1.) I'd like to be able to categorize my blog entries, but I am really not that bright.

2.) I'd really like someone to come assist me with the aforementioned task. Anyone? Anyone? Rob? Brian? Lindsey? Bree?

3.) I really liked Nick Lachey's post break-up cd. I know... deplorable right??? But, it really is quite good.

4.) I also like Ashley Parker Angel. I know... even more deplorable right??? But, he kind of looks a lot like my first boyfriend and so there's that to be considered.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Quote of the Month...

"Halloween is over... woman, pull yourself together!" - Robin Bendheim


I keep hearing that quote ringing in my head... it makes me laugh... and, strangely, is a bit motivating.

It turns out that if you keep eating like it's Halloween until Christmas is over, you have to buy a new size clothes at the after Christmas sale... No good!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Birthday = Food Coma

Oh my gosh... I ate SO much yesterday. Like SO much!

I overscheduled myself - shocking, I am sure, for those of you who really know me. I never do that right?!? And, I am always on time...

I ate breakfast at Plums at 10:30, lunch at 1:30 and then Thai Food (my favorite) for dinner at 5:30. That's A LOT of food! Oh, and should I start by saying that I was eating ice cream out of a carton at 9 AM watching Bros. & Sis' with Cori and I also got taken out to ice cream after Thai Food??? (That's right, twice in one day). Plus, there was the Halloween candy... oops - blast that stinkin' holiday! It's almost lunch time and I can't even imagine eating again anytime soon... well at least until dinner when I will again be fed for my birth...week???

It was my birthday yesterday... so thanks for all the well wishes, you are all super fabulous.

Plus, Cori gave me the day off from my self-imposed shopping sabbatical, so I got new shoes! Yipee!

I am pretty sure my cell phone bill this month is going to rival Rob's! No good.

But, I have to share the raddest text I got yesterday... this was from Joe Rassey a guy that used to take me out... Apparently, Erik told him it was my birthday, I haven't talked to him in probably a year or so, the text went like this:

"Hey beautiful! I hear u r a special girl today. Happy B Day!! Hope it was a good one. How r u these days? Love u! (I hope this is still your number.)"

How rad it that?!? It made me laugh.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Words of Wisdom... from a construction firm.

I was only in my office 2 days this week. But, I heard the greatest words of wisdom that I just had to pass on.

- "All hot girls show up at the airport wearing those matching sweatsuits. That's how you know they're hot." - Jonathan

J. Flo: I hear that Al Queda is going to bomb all the malls in Southern California. So, basically wherever you go, you're screwed. Or, you could get another hobby.
Ali: I DO love the mall. But, sometimes I go running. You don't love the mall? I would never have guessed.
J. Flo: No, I never go shopping. I avoid it at all costs. I haven't been shopping in 5 years. I know I need to go, but I hate it!
Ali: So, what happens when you have to do laundry and the only thing in your closet looks like something a lumberjack would wear.
J. Flo: Then I show up to work looking like a lumberjack.
Ali: Oh, so that's what happened to today. I was wondering.

- "Women are happier when they are sad. I am serious. It's weird, but true. They LIKE to be sad." - Jonathan

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Maybe I can't live anywhere, maybe just almost anywhere

Seriously, prior to this week, the only places I was really really not excited to live were Arizona (been there done that, no good - sorry if I offended anyone with that one) and Florida (I am not so sorry for offending anyone there - Florida is REALLY no good)! I have been to 46 states. Seriously, I have. Many of them are no good actually. The people in Kentucky are so white they have a blueish hue - possibly from a pigment deficiency... still it was pretty, I could live there... I mean if I met the perfect guy... perfect in every way, but he HAD to live in Kentucky... I'd do it - it wouldn't be a deal breaker!

Arizona - deal breaker... Florida - deal breaker... and the newest addition St. Louis (or anywhere else in Missouri) deal breaker!

So, I am in St. Louis for a business trip. This is not the first time I have been here either (I came last year). There are some malls and even a temple, so you think I'd be ok with it. Nope. It sucks!

There are so many NO GOOD things about this place:

1.) The minimum speed limit is 40 mph... meaning you can drive THAT slow... and they do. We all know that a person would get shot for driving that slow in Cali.

2.) The maximum speed limit is 55 mph... apparently this is not a joke - I asked... meaning you can't drive faster than that... and no one did. We all know that a person would get popped for driving even that slow in Cali.

3.) It seems as if there is a lot of road construction going on in and around St. Louis. About every 100 yards there are signs posted that read this "Hit a worker pay $10,000 in fines and lose your license." - I find this sign VERY disturbing for many reasons: a.) clearly this has happened A LOT for their to be signs posted everywhere like it was tantamount to driving in the carpool lane! - Hello "hit a worker" - No good! b.) I think $10,000 is a bit steep given the fact that the speed limit restrictions would totally prohibit anyone from even knocking over a worker at such a nominal speed!

4.) It is 20 degrees in the bloody state. That's right! 20! 2-0! Brrrrrr. And, to add insult to injury, it's also windy and humid. I tried to talk to someone outside and I could not speak. It literally is take-your-breath-away cold.

5.) There is NOTHING to do here. I went to the Arch (check)... I went to Blueberry Hill (check)... I saw the monument for the Spirit of St. Louis (check)... I went to the Cheesecake Factory (check)... I went to the gym twice (check, check)... now what???

As you can see I am about to take my own life out here. Good thing I get to come back tomorrow.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Marc... what were you thinking???

I love Marc Jacobs!!!

But, you have got to be kidding me?

These "shoes" cost nearly $400... and they look like mice?

Plain ole' Halloween

We did it. We dressed up... Or dressed down. We totally pulled it off. We truly looked like plain... like polygamists.

We were all SO unattractive! Even Robin's doll had more make-up on then the 4 of us combined! We looked tragic!

Honestly, if I had to do it... there are no other girls I'd rather have as sister wives. And our husband (although he sort of blends into the background and you can barely see him) - he was such a good sport. We even got him to go to a party!
I had a really hard time not smiling... can you tell?

Joe gave me $100 to dress up like this at work. I'd do almost anything for $100... actually, I'd do almost anything for a lot less, but let's not tell him that - I LOVE getting Benjamins! He said he'd give $100 to whomever dressed the sexiest. CLEARLY, we all took his bet really seriously, don't we all look hot?!? But, he gave us all money anyway. (I KNOW, I STILL have the greatest boss ever!)
My co-workers (the men didn't dress up - shocking!!! Maria (the Sumo), Theresa (the hag), Michelle (the nerd), Ali (the polygamist) and Nancy (the fat lady who lost a puppy... in her own crack!)

The best part about costume was how much work it took to actually pull it off!

You have to see the socks and shoes to get the whole effect! Tragic... so tragic! Plus, I am like 12 months along and wearing a dress that apparently Aaron's mom owns. It's ok, Robin is wearing one that apparently she herself owns, which has got to be worse right???

I went to Utah last weekend to hang out with friends and while I was there I thought I'd just go to the thrift store and pick up some Amish-looking clothes. Well, I ran out of time and we only had time to go into a regular clothing store. Jackpot. There was an ENTIRE WALL of huge denim jumpers and denim/floral hybrid dresses. It was so unfortunate that these were sold in a store store (as opposed to a second-hand store), but fortunately for me, I found these beauties (mine and Cori's) for $5.99 a piece... and as a bonus, I got the butterfly clip in the not even close to gold looking faux gold with the plastic stones... SO UGLY! If only I had a scrunchie as well that would have been even more RAD!

Anyway, in order to pull of our theme, we neededAaron to not look so much like Aaron and look more like Brother Samuel the polygamist husband. And I... well, I actually have a very short A-line blonde bob, which is a little too chic to do anything plain with (especially since I can't even get it all to be in a ponytail, let alone a bun or braid). So, we needed a beard and a wig! I was on the hunt!

I went everywhere that shady costume-type stuff was sold, Target, JoAnn's, Big Lots, the mall, the grocery store... with no avail. I couldn't find a normal hair colored wig anywhere, and a beard was completely out of the question.

I was running out of time. Tuesday evening we had tickets to see Matt White perform in a small venue in L.A. He was REALLY good. But, we got there about a half hour before he played. And, we passed dozens of costume shops on Hollywood/Beverly... or so I thought. I ducked outside to hit some of the shops. Surely, there had to be wigs and beards in one of these shops right?

Well, as it turns out, they were not so much costumes shops as they were porn/scanky lingerie shops - ALL of them. I had to see so many crotches, pasties, tassles and ... oh gosh... all in the name of looking Amish (ironic???) I'd walk in to a store all flushed with my head down and ask the sales associates(???) if they had any beards or wigs, to which they would respond "Oh, we can do better than that we have ..." or "beards and wigs, that's not nearly as fun as ..." I finally had to stop them by saying "No, no... just say yes or no, I DO NOT want any suggestions for other options." In the 5th store, I FINALLY found them, I think it WAS actually a costume shop, this one... but, I am pretty sure I lost my soul in the process ... (I seem to be doing that a lot this year).

Although, I am pretty convinced that we had the best costumes ever - everyone else looked spectacular as well.

Nellie (the Cupcake) and Aubrey (the Hindu lady)

This has got to be one of the worst pictures of me ever (which I guess was the point), but I love Marci (the Palm Reader), she's too darling not to post. Plus you can see the fab butterfly clip.

Oh, cute little P (the mouse).

Look how cute Ceasar (John Kilpatrick) is! I am pretty sure he's going to be crushed when I tell him that the baby is not actually his!!!

I am pretty sure I make a very close copy of Elin N. Tiger Woods' (Mike Palmer) Supermodel wife, no?

Monday, October 29, 2007

"You met the perfect guy, perfect in every way, but..."

You all know the game! I've made EVERYONE play it! It's the one that goes... "You met the perfect guy (or girl), perfect in everyway, but"... "he has to sleep in a coffin every night" OR "he wears a powder blue tux every Sunday to church" OR "she has a 3-foot tail" OR "he makes you weigh in every morning after you wake up" (my new personal favorite - thanks to Cori) "could you spend eternity with them?" You know how it goes, a you fill in the blank game to see what people's deal breakers are. It's a RAD game! It originated somewhere in the Pierside ward, I first heard it from Spencer Wixom (just to give due credit).

In real life, I guess we all play that game to some degree or another... not that I have ever met anyone perfect, nor am I remotely close on my own account, but still... on a small scale, we all kind of play that game.

Today, I had this one: 'You met the perfect guy, perfect in every way (except for the amazing amount of phlegm he's got going on daily), you've been in like with him for nearly 5 years, your roommate calls him McSteamy, he's brutally honest and has still given you the greatest compliments of your life which never appear disingenuous because they could only possibly be about you, and on a day like today when you are so sick you can barely lift your head up but still have to be at work he leaves to buy you DayQuil and Halls to keep you awake and make you feel better... BUT...

he prays to Budwiser every night!

Oh, and he has a live-in girlfriend who is 14-years his junior and looks like (or in all actually MAY be) a stripper.

Could you do it? Could I do it?

Most days, I'd say no, I have for quite some time... but, today I am massively sick, so hopefully I can make it through the day relying on my mental capabilities and not my emotional ones! I am such a sucker for people who want to take care of me!

Friday, October 26, 2007

"The Good Wife's Guide"

I got an email from the IT guy at my office. He kindly asked me to actually delete the emails that I don't need to keep. It turns out that 924 emails in my In Box are superfluous and supernumerary and taking up all together too much room. Who knew?!? Anyway, the command from the IT was immediate and mandatory. So, I conceded. I am now down to 859. Pretty good, ey? And, in doing so, I ran across this email I got that contained an actual Good Housekeeping Article from May 13, 1955 called "The Good Wife's Guide."

All this time, I thought that the reason I was still single was because I didn't have the right name for my husband all those times I prayed, nor did anyone in my immediate or extended family - somehow I am convinced that exactness in my plea is required. (FYI - I'll have you know that in this Abraham at the Altar moment in my life, my Grandmother's most recent advise is this 'I think you should marry a guy whose wife died and has a few kids, because they're generally desperate to get married.' "Desperate... just what I am looking for... a guy that is just desperate enough to have me!

That's not an exaggeration, while the quote may be paraphrased, the sentiment is dead on. And, while it's tempting to consider hanging out at the morgue in my free time, waiting to pounce on the recently widowed. I think I'll briefly contemplate some pointers from this article to see if I even want the job.

1. 'Have dinner ready this is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him all day and are concerned with his needs.' Does this still work if there is a 1-in-2 chance of eminent food poisoning???

2. 'Take 15 minutes to touch-up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair...' Ribbon??? - RAD! 'and be fresh-looking'. Fresh-looking, ey???

3. 'Be a little more gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a little lift and it is one of your duties to provide it.' Oh gosh! What could this 'good wife' say that would be interesting to men, she's been cooking and freshening all day - do you really want to hear about that???

4. 'Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by... after all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.' Women and fires... no good! No good!

5. 'Show sincerity in your desire to please him. Greet him with a warm smile. Let him talk first - remember his topics of conversation are more important that yours.' Oh brother!

6. 'Never complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment. You have no right to question him.' Do you think the diversion from Rule #6 was the impetus for the 50% (or greater) divorce rate in the country today? Can you imagine? 'You have no right... ha ha ha..."

7. 'Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.' So yelling and nagging are apparently no good!?!

8. 'A good wife always knows her place.'

I am pretty sure that the morgue is not a good place for me after all... I SO could not measure up to any first wife... and I am not sure I could handle the "you're not my real mother" thing... Where would I go if I wanted to find a husband that thought it was cool to take off his own shoes and appreciated that fact that I could buy my own shoes!?! - Ebay???

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

The "other" woman...

I came in to work yesterday morning (after spending the last 4 days in NYC) and I was immediately pounced on with various and sundry tasks (seemingly of little importance, but still necessary and apparently too trivial for the men to take care of).

In the middle of receiving questions and instructions from several of the guys, the other Director came in and asked me if I wore make-up. He was serious and clearly distraught. I almost laughed because I was so not picking up whatever he was putting down. I thought for sure I was being teased about that ONE day last week when I forgot my make-up bag after Shahana (I am now 98% sure that's my personal trainer's name) worked the living ... out of me. I didn't answer him. I just cocked my head and stared at him quizzically. He told me it was important that he figure this out. I asked what he was talking about.

Then he explained. As it turns out, no one in my company ACTUALLY wants to work. They like to do "P.R." But, it isn't technically "P.R." in my office unless you can get rip roaring drunk. If it's networking to actually get work without getting sloshed, I get sent to take care of it. So, a few weeks ago, I had to go with Clint (the other Director) to this ridiculously boring meeting in L.A. He drove. Turns out the make-up powder compact that I keep in my purse fell out in his car. Last weekend he found it. He took it into his wife and told her that he found her make-up. Uh-oh. She quickly told him it wasn’t hers. In his words, the whole episode “ruined his night.” So, Clint got nervous and came into work yesterday and asked Joe if he thought the powder was mine. And, Joe said "no, she doesn't really wear make-up." What?!? What does he mean I don't wear make-up? I apologized to Clint and then totally innerved walked into Joe's office and asked what he was talking about!
Ali: Joe, why did you tell Clint I don't wear make-up?
Joe: You don't, do you?
Ali: Joe! Are you kidding?
Joe: No, come here, let me see.
Ali: Joe! This is me, WITH make-up! This is as good as it gets for me! This is the best I can look! You SO don't want to see me without make-up. I can't believe you!
Joe: What?!? I wasn’t saying… um… you look good.
Ali: Whatever!

(I also think Joe told Clint this to confess to him something that may or may not be going on. I think he was trying to assuage his own conscience - or find it, given his propensity for infidelity.)

It's been a rough month for me here! I wish the HR girl hadn't made the guys take that sexual harassment class. I had WAY more self-esteem before that blasted class!

So later on, Clint calls me into his office and said that the first part of the story was that he found the compact, but even more entertaining was his continued conversation with Joe about the said episode.

Clint: Want to hear something funny. When I told Joe that the make-up HAD to be yours, he asked me if I was having an affair with you! He seemed a little surprised and ticked off. Isn't that funny?
Ali: The thought of me having an affair with you. Yes, that's WAY funny.
Clint: What is that supposed to mean???
Payback is kind of fun. I love being evasive!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

New York... New York...

Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today, I want to be a part of it - new york, new york! These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray right through the very heart of it - new york, new york! I wanna wake up in a city, that doesn’t sleep and find I’m king of the hill - top of the heap. These little town blues, are melting away. Ill make a brand new start of it - in old new york. If I can make it there, Ill make it anywhere Its up to you - new york, new york... (in my head is Frank Sinatra's voice - which is WAY better than anything I can pull off... believe me!) By the way... how cheesy are the actually lyrics to that song??? This is why whenever I DO sing, I choose to make up my own lyrics. Anyway, moving on...

Oh my goodness... does it take FOREVER to get to NYC or what??? Well, it took me FOREVER. But, I got there. And, when I did it was SO blasted cold. It seems like it should have snowed... I mean it was 49 degrees! For the love of everything good and holy, I had a wool scarf, mittens, a beannie and (of course) my white wool peacoat (the cute one with the black buttons). People were looking at me funny the moment I stepped off the plane, CLEARLY no one else was prepared for snow. While I waited for the snow, it started pouring rain... turns out it has to be below 32 degrees to snow - who knew???

I met up with my sisters, which made this trip to NYC fabulous. Jennica had stolen Adam's umbrella. Kimmy loaned hers to my dad a few weeks ago. He allegedly lost it, but somehow blamed it on my mom, who as it turns out was not even in the country when the "alleged" loss occurred... whatever. And, I... well, I thought it was cold enough to snow... why would I pack an umbrella??? So, Kimmy and I had to purchase umbrellas from this toothless, yet business savvy entrepreneur who was peddling them near Grand Central Station - on the corner of 42nd and Park (or somewhere thereabouts). She pulled the bait and switch on us. She announced loudly that she was selling umbrellas for $3! $3 - what a steal, how could you go wrong with a $3 umbrella??? I already looked like a drowned rat, so I just bought one, for the same reason I wear a bra - less out of necessity and more our of the need to fit in! But, Kimmy, she needed one. She was wearing silk... animal printed silk, so cute, and SO not water friendly. (What??? We are Brinkerhoff's, it's what we do - wear really impractical clothes just for the sake of looking cute - or at least attempting to). Anyway, by the time I traversed the distance between me and the "entrepreneur", all of about 6 feet, the price had gone up to $5. I told the lady that I just wanted the $3 dollar umbrella (I mean, no one could see me, I had on a thermal and a wool sweater and THE cute white peacoat - the one with the black buttons. I looked larger than life. I was already drowning in a sea of clothes strategically picked out by me to buffer me from the snow... uh... I mean rain storm. She said she only had $5 dollar ones. Whatever, I bought it. Kimmy opted for the larger $10 one. As soon as we made our purchases and turned around to go about our business we heard the "entrepreneur" shout again 'umbrellas $3.' We all turned around and scowled at her, she smiled back (sans teeth). Each and every time Kimmy opened hers one of the... ummm... spokes??? (what would you call those) broke off, once even puncturing a whole in the umbrella... she was so cursing my dad's name. She was also jeopardizing the life of all those on the streets - when the entrepreneur said $10 for a large umbrella... she did mean LARGE! Kimmy nearly decapitated anyone over the height of 5'10. Me on the other hand. I had to hold my $5 ($3) umbrella by the base to keep it from flipping inside out. I only used it once... then I gave up!

Basically, we ate, and we shopped, and we ate again, and we shopped some more. We went to Blooms for breakfast, NY manis and pedis, shopping in Soho, and to Lombardi's Pizza... we treaded all over Manhattan and while we did a miracle happened... I purchased nothing!!! I know... I am serious about this shopping sabbatical!

There are many fabulous stores in NYC, but also lots of nutty ones. There were TONS of Halloween costumes on display. We were discussing how Halloween is just an excuse for people to dress up as a slutty... whatever they prefer. Kimmy said something that made me laugh all weekend. "Ok, the slutty nurse thing... well, I kind of get that. But, the slutty bee??? Is there some bee fantasy I am not aware of???" I made her pose...

We went to Serendipity to get frozen hot chocolate. There was a one hour wait. Within the first 5 minutes, Jennica (who is 7 months prego with her 3rd kid), sits down because she can't stand any longer. After which I announced to all the NY on-lookers that we were not forcing this ultra-pregnant sister of ours to wait for an hour and that SHE was the one who wanted to go in so badly! But, it was good... really good.

After just enough of the city, we headed to Grand Central to catch the train that traversed to Milford Connecticut so we could visit Adam and Julie and the kids, we were all dying to meet Sadie ... oh those kids... I am not sure there are any more fabulous than my nieces and nephews, and Julie and Adam's kids are no exception.

And, Connecticut is beautiful... there were many discussions about changing "the hub" (which is currently in Texas, for most of the Brinkerhoff clan). We think Connecticut has a fighting chance. It was breath-taking, especially since its autumn. I miss having seasons (even if they occasionally involve snow... eeek).

How cute is Jake in a tie?

It was so good to see all of them. Julie is the nicest of all the Brinkerhoff's (of course, we had to import for that) and we love her. She was as sweet as ever. And Adam - well, he's still Adam! Julie took us to this darling and delicious restaurant called the Rainbow Garden that was converted from an old estate into this great restaurant. On Sunday, we went to church, took a walk along the beach, made (and ate WAY too many) sugar cookies and then... my favorite part... the trying on of the costumes... oh the costumes... this is what I love most about Halloween.

Izzy - the Tiger. She is obsessed with Tigers its so cute, she's so NOT scary! In fact, she says rad 90-year-old phrases when she drops things, (i.e. "oh heavens" and "goodness gracious").

Haley - cheerleader in training.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Uh oh...

Shahana (I am 96% sure this is ACTUALLY her name), my personal trainer, came in this morning to get my butt (and arms, back, thighs and abs) in shape. It's been 2 weeks and it's already getting hard for me to come in early (and when I say early - it's not even that early - 7 A.M.).

Anyway, it's usually around 6 A.M. when I pack my bag of tricks and clothes to get ready at work. Well, I remember packing my make-up bag, but CLEARLY I didn't actually take it with me, which is tragic.

So far today here are the totals:

"Are you sick?" - 3
"Are you tired or something, you look like you're still asleep?!?" - 4

I TOTALLY knew my mom and Cori were both lying on those occasions they told me that I look fine without make-up.

Leave it to the men I work with to be brutally honest. They are kind of like children (in so many ways) - they just tell you how it is!

But, I guess that means I REALLY do have great legs! - Ha ha ha...

Monday, October 15, 2007

Road Trip!!! (Santa Barbara Style)

I love Orange County (for the most part... exceptions being: all the plastic parts, sporting accessory dogs in prada carrying cases, and of course TRAFFIC)! So, it's strange that I am always so excited to get out-of-town every chance I can get.

My parents went to Machu Pichu, Peru with their best friends, the Bodens, this week. Their best friends still live in Santa Barbara, where I grew up, so they suggested we use their house for the weekend. We took them up on the offer.

Sometimes I forget how beautiful that place is.

Surprisingly, the drive up only took two hours. Cori was a speedy one! The Bodens live in the mountains off San Marcos pass. Wendy and I are training for a 1/2 and full marathon, so we went running at the only point in the day when the sun came out - go figure. We had to run down the mountain to get to flat ground and then as soon as we got there, turn around and go back up! It was rough. When we came home Aaron was trying to help Cori alleviate her nausea due to turbulence (or get rid of her migraine)... But, to us, it looked like he was playing Kavorkian. I still don't buy that home remedy!

Then we went to play tennis. (I know - sporty gal aren't I??? - I use the term "play tennis" very loosely".) But, the only courts I know that aren't attached to a country club were the ones at my old high school. So we drove to SMHS and the gates were locked! My bright idea - scale 'em. Ok, I might be exaggerating, but I don't think so. The gates were 10' tall. Aaron, Wendy and I got over relatively uninjured, while Cori and Dan went in search of a more easily accessible court, which they found. On the way out of the tennis courts the most tragic thing happened! I got over the fence fine except for one minor detail! I had tied my sweatshirt around my waist so that I would have two free hands for scaling. Unfortunately, my sweatshirt got caught on the top on the fence in three places thereby hanging me! No joke, I was totally suspended in the air, dangling from a fence. Apparently, it WAS funny. But, not so much for me. I reached back to unhook myself and totally impaled myself in the fence. I currently have a hole in my arm and am being forced by Jonathan to go get a tetnis shot (which is what I will be having for lunch today)!. Sometimes I forget that I am neither young nor agile.

(Robin and Brett were on the phone getting directions to see us - just so you know Robin, you are in one picture - just not physically!)

We finished off the day by going down to Sterns Wharf and eating lunch at Longboards, strolling up and down State Street and heading over to La Super Rica for dinner.

For some reason, we felt like documenting all of this in a ridiculous fashion.
I love my friends! They are all super Rad! They make silly and stupid poses all for the sake of the blog!

We started the next day by taking my parents to breakfast at an IHOP in Inglewood! The surroundings were only slightly less desirable than where we had spent the previous day - but only slightly.