To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Two weeks in!

Today starts my 2nd week of work at MZT... and it's been crazy busy, but a lot of fun. It's the kind of busy I like, the kind where I get to do what I LOVE to do all day long and the next thing I know, it's past time to go home.

Like whiskers on kittens... (what am I talking about, I can't stand cats)... but, these are a few of my favorite things... WORK things... from the first 2 weeks.

1.) I wore a denim skirt and a white button-up and I got SO much attention, the receptionist said "frou frou, look at you, hot mama!" Ha ha ha... In my head I was thinking: It's denim people, don't let the little ruffle throw you off, it's still denim.

2.) I LOVE LOVE LOVE the lady I work with. Jackie is delightful. She's so much fun! And, very sweet and helpful. She makes me laugh. And, she reminds me of my BFF Cori, who lives far far away in Hawaii, so that's an added bonus.

3.) So far I have been called the following: "kiddo", "pretty", "really smart", "willowy", and "bony"... there's nothing like a new job to make a girl feel young, hot, smart and thin. (Mind you, I have not let this go to my head, I haven't been able to see my bones since high school and the only way I know they are there is that they crack when I get out of my chair, which I would say means I am OLD!)

4.) It's so close to my house... I still can't get used to this. I have literally driven past my exit 3x... yikes.

5.) I am not used to getting up and to work so early... and one day I totally forgot to wear make-up... how does that happen?!? Anyway, no one asked me if I was ill... which is rad! And, so I liked that. But, let's hope that doesn't happen again.

6.) I got a space heater... it's divine! D-I-V-I-N-E! Plus, it keeps people out of my office OR sweating profusely, which is also fun!

7.) I am getting used to playing name-that-smell at "La Chiquita Market" (so far it vacillates between pee, fish, body odor and curry, so that's nice.) But, it's the only place I can go to where I don't have to get in my car to get a drink. I am also getting used to drinking FAR less diet coke, so my mom should like that!

8.) Since, I was so busy last week I forgot to eat lunch twice... you'd think I was getting thinner, but I am not!

9.) My computer has a 21" (I think) screen. Anyway, it's HUGE and I love it! If I had any free time, I'd bring in a movie and some popcorn! Plus, I got a new laptop, which is surprisingly light!

10.) No one has even attempted to get me drunk yet! Nice!

11.) There's a guy here named Thurman Rock... isn't that cool!?!

12.) I am getting really used to hearing "his resume is not great on paper". It makes me laugh, and it's more of a challenge... which is what I wanted, right?

I am pretty sure I am going to like it here!

(Side note, sorry mom and dad... the week(s)-in-review blog is coming soon... I have been too busy with my life to blog about it... but, I know you need an update... it's coming, I promise!)

Monday, February 16, 2009

Tax Time = I.O.U.

So, it's tax time AGAIN.

Every year my tax accountant, Bryan, says the same thing: "You need to buy a house or have a baby."

This year I said "I am thinking of buying a baby. Does that work?"

He laughed.

But, then I came up with another idea. I get the tax break now and I give the I.R.S. an I.O.U. for a baby AND a house.

If it works for Uncle Sam, it should be OK for me.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Sad sad commentary.

I love Valentine's Day.

Because I LOVE LOVE.

And, holidays.

And, flowers.

And, candy. I mean I really LOVE candy. It's my favorite food group!

And, so you can only imagine how much I LOVE a holiday that revolves solely around retail, candy, flowers and LOVE!

This year I bought some Sweet and Tart Coversational Hearts. They are even better than the original kind.

I remember as a kid how cute and sweet Coversational Hearts were.

But now?!?

Sad... really sad! These are legit! I took them straight from my candy jar. Let's discuss... "Top Dog", "Magic", "And" (And what???), "Email" (not even email me, just email), "Get Real", "Go Fish" - This one is the most comical... go fish?!? I don't get it

What the??? This is why Love is so hard to find... we can't even say anything close! Not even on Valentine's Day!!! Oh well. I ate them all anyway, at least they taste the same as when I was little, maybe even better!

Friday, February 13, 2009

MZT Pros and Cons.

I like my new job at MZT... But, it's different. I decided to make up a list of Pros and Cons.

Pro: The boys took me to lunch with them and I didn't even have to ask.
Con: We had to eat Vietnamese food. I have no idea what it was or how my body will react to it.

Con: I have only had one diet coke today and it was Vietnamese, so it didn't really count!
Pro: There is a guy across the street who sells diet coke, by the sip if I want to pay that way! And, he doesn't even charge tax!
Con: I had to walk past a TOTALLY NAKED homeless guy to get to "La Chiquita Market". I wish I was kidding!!!

Pro: I have my own office with three windows.
Con: It feels like Antarctica in there!
Pro: The receptionist volunteered to by me a space heater.
Con: I am not sure one will be enough!

Pro: My office is SO SO SO clean!
Con: There is NOTHING in it ...
Pro: ...except a printer that is SO big and fast!
Con: I am not going to be able to request that FEMA check for the sorry state of my office.
Pro: FEMA never sent me any money anyway.

Pro: I work dangerously close to two (2) big malls.
Con:I work dangerously close to two (2) big malls.

Con: I got here at 7:24 AM
Pro: No one said good-afternoon, even though I think I am supposed to come in at 7. AND, I get to go home at 4:30 or 5!

Con: I work in the barrio.
Pro: I worked in the barrio before, but this barrio is only 10 miles from my house. The other one was 35!

Pro: There is a Mormon guy in my office!
Con: No con. He's married, but that's OK.

Pro: I really like the people I work with and I have already made new friends.
Con: One of my "friends" is conveniently related to everyone famous and is the best everything in the world!
Con: He's divorced.
Con: He already invited me to see his band.
Con: He is in his late 4os and in a punk band.
Con: I still really miss my old co-workers.

Con: Alex (the big guy who dressed as a Chippendale for Halloween) went to lunch with all of the guys and somehow managed to rip ALL the buttons off his shirt and he had to use tape to keep it closed the rest of the day and I missed it!
Pro: Alex (the big guy who dressed as a Chippendale for Halloween) went to lunch with all of the guys and somehow managed to rip ALL the buttons off his shirt and he had to use tape to keep it closed the rest of the day and I missed it!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

My Bittersweet Week in Review

So, it's only Wednesday, which is random for my week in review. But, this has been a rollercoaster of a week for me - a total life changing one.

I am basically not a serious person. Is this evident from reading my blog? But, today I feel a total need to be honest and real (I promise it won't happen too often, I wouldn't want to lose any readers).

This week I made one of the hardest and most emotional decisions of my life. I took a new job. And, I am very excited for the new challenge. I am thrilled to be spending more time doing what I was trained and educated to do. It all happened REALLY fast. The job that I got offered was too hard to refuse, it's a great choice for me career wise. Plus, it's exactly 12 minutes from my house! But, taking the job means that I have to leave Joe, which in all honesty breaks my heart.

Today was a rough day. I knew that it was going to be a rough day when I got all choked up at 8:30, when the estimator walked by and said he'd miss me. I started crying. I instantly thought, 'who is going to tell me about their hemorrhoids'. I LOVE all of the people I work with... well ALMOST all. I have never worked at a place where I just thoroughly enjoyed my co-workers SO much. They became such great friends, which was unexpected. Michelle, Nancy and Theresa I have known for years. They are the most giving, caring, sweetest, thoughtful, funny, goofy and all around enjoyable women I have ever had the pleasure to work with. Maria came along later than the rest, but I instantly liked her sassy and spunky attitude (I’ll always remember the way she bossed around Roosevelt). And, after years of BEGGING for help, we hired Roxanne. And, I LOVE Roxanne. She and I only worked together for five months, but I instantly liked her - much to the chagrin of all the guys upstairs who were really hoping to see some catfights! She became a friend almost instantly! She told me it was normal when I bawled like a baby today. She made me fondant covered cupcakes for my birthday although she only knew me for a few weeks. She’s loyal like a friend I’ve known since I was little. And, I am CERTAIN she would have made me a scrapbook, if I’d have given her more time! When I took the job at Reyes, it was without hesitation, I knew that I would enjoy it! But, I had no idea that I would become so attached.

When I told Joe all that I had been offered and my reasons for wanting to take a new job, he of course was great about it. And, he told me two things: "Don't steal all my proposals" and "Don't blog about me!" I never have been too good at following orders, I tend to nod my head, but do what I want anyway. So, one out of two isn't bad.

I am ALWAYS blogging about Joe! Joe is so fun. But, I mainly seem to blog about him being my own personal Santa, which he is. However, the truth is, the "Santa" part of Joe doesn't even make the list of my favorite things about him. Joe is, in all honesty, one of my very favorite people ever. I still remember the day I met Joe, six years ago. He made me smile right off the bat. First, he teased me for being Mormon. Then he teased me for being blonde. Then he teased me for being white, not just white, but “white white.”

Ever since my mom told Joe I had a "blog" I have had to watch what I say on it, which stinted the humor just a little. But, hopefully he still checks it every once in a while, because if not, think of all of fun things from the office I could have shared. But, most importantly, because I wouldn't want him to miss this tribute.

Joe, thank you for being the most generous person I know. I am so impressed with all that you do for other people, especially what you do when no one else is looking. Thank you for being fun. Thank you for being kind. Thank you for spoiling me and all of my friends. Thank you for trying to get me to drink EVERYDAY for six years straight - that joke NEVER got old, it always made me laugh. Thank you for telling me what a great wife and mother I'll make someday. Thank you for offering to set me up with all of those cholos who drive low-riders. Thank you for always asking me to invite you to my wedding (because A. that means you think I'll get married and B. you still know they'll never let you in to "the great white building"). Thanks for making sure I was safe and well taken carry of (except when you hired that recently paroled murderer, as a "favor" for your friend). Thanks for making me laugh almost everyday for the past six years. Thank you for teaching me how to salsa dance OR try. Thank you for driving all the way to Saint George to see me cross the finish line. Thank you for all the breakfasts, lunches, and dinners - if you think about it you were actually responsible for making sure I had new clothes and shoes, because you were also responsible for me growing out of all the old ones. Thank you for sharing your business and your life with me. Thank you for telling me that you are happy for me and proud of me. But, more than anything, thank you for understanding why I had to go and letting me. I promise you, it was way harder for me than it could ever have been for you! I am a better woman for knowing you. Plus, I know a lot more Spanish cuss words!

I hope you DO call me everyday. That'll make it so much easier for me, even if all you need is for me to spell c-a-t for you. I always loved being the world's only paid thesaurus.

I sure hope Theresa forgets to take my address off the invite list for the Christmas party! I mean, you DID let Manny Williams come, and there is no way you like him better than you like me. And, I won't even make you give me a T.V. if I get to come.

P.S. I have about 50 people who want my old job. Unfortunately none of them know how to write proposals.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

"The Animal"

So, for my little Christmas present this year I got from Santa (a.k.a. Joe) a Dyson vacuum. Which is exactly what I wanted. It made me feel like a real woman. And, it sucks up EVERYTHING, even flies!

But, the problem was that the Dyson I got was a little bit dysfunctional. It sounded light a freight train while it was sucking everything up. NO GOOD. It was scary and loud. So, I had to return it.

I braved the return line at Costco today (never a good idea on a Saturday) and this is what happened.

Me: I need to return this vacuum I got for Christmas. I have the receipt.
Costco Guy: Is there anything wrong with it?
Me: Yes, it's really loud. I mean really loud.
Costco Guy: It says the name of your vacuum is "The Animal".
Me: I know, isn't that funny?
Costco Guy: So, it's probably supposed to be loud.
Me: Ha ha ha.
Costco Guy: So, do you want to take it back then.
Me: You're just messing with me right?
Costco Guy: What do you mean?
Me: No, seriously, I need to give this one back to you and get a new one.
Costco Guy: Are you sure it's not suppose to sound like that?
Me: Like a freight train? Yea, pretty sure. It's like a really expensive vacuum.
Costco Guy: That's because it's supposed to suck really well.
Me: It does! It's amazing.
Costco Guy: Ok, good. So, you'll keep it?
Me: No, seriously, I need to give this one back to you and get a new one.
Costco Guy: Are you sure it's not supposed to sound like it does. Did you compare it with another one just like it?
Me: This vacuum costs as much as a small country! It costs that much because it's supposed to be quiet but suck really well! Plus, it's supposed to outlast me by like a decade. Why would I buy 2?
Costco Guy: Ok, so you'd like to return this?
Me: Yes, please.
Costco Guy: Ok. Here's your Costco cash card.
Me: No, I just want a new vacuum.
Costco Guy: We only do returns, not exchanges. But, you can go buy another one.

As it turns out, they no longer make "The Animal". Somehow in the ONE MONTH that it was purchased, it has been upgraded to a new model called the "Asthma and Allergy" model. Which is nice, because if it doesn't work out, I don't have to have that crazy conversation about it's noise level with another Costco guy/girl. But, it sucked a little, because of course the same vacuum with a different name cost me an extra $80... which is crazy because that vacuum already costs more than a car payment (maybe even a mid-westerner's house payment) and I don't even have asthma or allergies.

And, today I saw a MAN wearing a dress and tap shoes when I went to the grocery store. (I know that has nothing to do with anything I just said... but, it was crazy... just like the Costco guy).

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Notes on a Scandal (my version)

(1) The Scandal: You're Not Alone.

I had to go to a conference in San Diego all day, but that meant I got home a little earlier than usual... yea for me! Anyway, when I got home, Oprah was on. Oprah was talking to Elizabeth Smart (6 years after her abduction). Anyway, they were explaining that there is now a pamphlet about how to deal with a situation like hers. The name of the pamphlet is "You're Not Alone".,5143,700227525,00.html

The Note:

Dear Elizabeth,

You were taken from Utah (aka: Happy Valley, Zion) by a man who pretended he was Jesus and his wife (who was Mary??? I presume...) who kept you for 9-months, had his way with you and did whatever he wanted to with your teenage self. CLEARLY, that is an anomaly of sorts. So, basically what I am trying to say is that all those people who are a trying to tell you that "You're Not Alone" ARE LYING!!! So sorry to break it to you. But, you are looking adorable and you are incredibly well-adjusted. So, you have that! It's not an all together bad day, even though I had to share with you the sobering truth. Best of luck with your harp.

(2) The Scandal: "Octomom"

So, I am sure (unless you are living under a box) you are all aware of the woman in California who gave birth to octuplets.

The Note:

Dear Nadya Shulahoola-whatever your last name is,

I am not sure what country you were born in, or why you are VERY VERY unintelligent. But, I went to college and so I would like to take this opportunity to help you out a bit... because I am very very very kind, most of the time. I want kids as much as the next girl who is my age and doesn't have any to call her own. But, here's the deal, apparently, you have SIX other kids, 7, 5, 3 and twin 2-year-olds all living in a 3 bedroom house WITH YOUR PARENTS. Maybe this is why your impotent husband left you, because as it happens apparently you were married to some Guitierrez foolio for 10 years (although word on the street is that he checked out of the marriage about 4 years in, CLEARLY he was NORMAL and you were just a very very very bad decision on his part). Anywhoo... the kids are ALL not his... they were all conceived by in vitro... which is NOT cheap by the way. So now you have 14 kids and no job and no husband. Why did you quit your job at the mental hospital??? Maybe they would have given you a discount? Since CLEARLY you are NUTS. Plus, you don't have a job and so I am currently indirectly paying for your entire family from my weekly paycheck, since you are on disability, taking about $205,000 from the Government. Nadya, what kind of a person that has a "disability" thinks it's a good idea to put herself through the pregnancy/birthing process of EIGHT children AT ONE TIME?!? Even a person who is as fit as a horse, wouldn't sign up for that! NO ONE would! I think you should try to get your old job back. I will gladly write you a referral letter. You just let me know.,0,6314319.story

(3) The Scandal: Obama Drama

The Note:

Dear Obama,

You have only been the first black president for a little over 2 weeks now. Dave Chappelle predicted that the stocks of Fubu and KFC would sky rocket when you got elected... but, as it turns out, the stocks as a whole are still sorely disappointing and no one can retire because, well... they'd all lose huge sums of money if they did... but, the deal is with 625,000 jobs lost recently (this week alone?!? Is that true or possible... yikes!) we REALLY need those elderly people to get out of the job market and on to West Palm Beach. But, I won't hold any of this against you... yet. Truthfully, I really liked the salary cap you mandated for all corporate executives who work for companies receiving government bailout money. Although, it's a tricky slippery slope... so, we'll see how that all pans out for ya! And, I really enjoy listening to you speak. You are eloquent and I like that in a President. But, for the love of everything good and holy, could you PLEASE check with the IRS before you even think about nominating anyone to be any part of your cabinet?!? Seriously, it's getting embarrassing.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


I work in a general construction firm, so CLEARLY I don't expect much by way of fashion in my office environment.

But, today a guy in my office was wearing these:

(I had to take them off, so I could capture this picture, but don't worry about that!)

There is a big part of me that wants to help him out... "buddy, you can't... you just CAN'T"... But, the greater part of me wants him to walk around in those pants FOREVER! Because I am cruel like that!

Not since BYU have I seen such bad pants!

It was a mighty big distraction ALL day. Once, I even started laughing so hard tears rolled down my cheeks... it was bad... and, I am not even making it up for effect!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Week in Review (The things I learned edition)

Remember when I used to do the "Week in Review"?!? - Ok, let's be honest, I only did it maybe twice. But, I am pretty sure that my mom really liked it!

So, this past week has been filled with learning experiences! I would like to share them with all of my faithful readers. These are the things I learned:

1.) The best form of roommate communication happens when all 3 roommates are sitting on the same sectional, in the same room, watching T.V. and gchatting with each other.

2.) When you are at the office and your hair starts to really bug you and all you want to do is get it out of your face, but you don't have any bobby pins, paper clips work almost as well. No joke... I still have 3 in my hair, and it's been up all day!

3.) The NFL thinks it is necessary to have a Superbowl every year! (I won $25 schmackers from my office pool, and I didn't even watch one lick of the game, but it was on and I had a swarm of people over to my house for it.) Football is WILDLY overrated! - Sorry Morgs...

4.) Sometimes I don't even know that I don't know things... for example, I had a lesson at work about how to operate a fire extinguisher. But, actually, as it turns out, even without the lesson, I DID actually know how to do it... as should anyone over the age of 4. But, it was fun hosing down the water bottles for practice!

5.) If you want to feel young, or hip, or attractive, or better yet all of the above... go to Palm Springs. Turns out that it's a self-esteem city. (Don't hate me for wanting to have warmer weather, it's like 60 degrees here and we all have space heaters running on full speed).

6.) There is a very good reason that truck drivers eat like truck drivers - technically, they are always on vacation... and you can eat whatever you want on vaction right?

7.) The reason that G.W. couldn't find any "qualified" candidates for his cabinet was that his vetting strategy was just to find a few poeple who paid their taxes. Apparently, all the "qualified" ones "forgot" to pay their taxes. (Btw, who forgets to pay their taxes for years on end?!? It's not like the Government doesn't send out reminders, I am sure. Plus, if your primary source of income is derived by the payment of taxes CLEARLY you know how it works! - Democrats can be so "forgetful".)

8.) Ok, so seriously... this one is really cool and totally legit! My co-worker Roxanne and I were talking and somehow she brought up that I may have some unclaimed money. I thought she was joking, like my ancestors in Africa who are just dying to give me millions if they can only borrow my bank account number so they can store the money for a little while... But, seriously, she told me that after a specified amount of time, a payroll company, utility company, apartment community, bank, etc. that owes a person money and cannot locate the recipient (usually because a person moves) has to turn the sum amount over to the U.S. Treasury. The U.S. Treasury keeps that money (on a state level) FOREVER! So, I looked it up (you can do it for any state by googling "unclaimed money" along with the state's name). Of course, I didn't have any unclaimed money. But, my parents had $240 owed to them by some bank in Santa Barbara; my grandma is owed $42 from some WAY old no longer in existence bank in North Hollywood Hills (and she hasn't lived there for over 40 years); Claire got $125 from some utility company; and Jordan Brinkerhoff Parks Bath & Body Works owes you $80, I guess you forgot to pick up your check! I am expecting a kick back from all of you!