Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Today I got a fortune cookie with 2 fortunes.
They were both stupid.
I can't even remember what the first one said. But, the second one said something like "your sports team will perform well in the upcoming week."
Remember when I was going to let fortune cookies dictate my life?!?
I think we should just get rid of them altogether.
That's right. I am fickle!
Monday, October 26, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Feel the excitement of the race as you run underneath Columbus Drive - with music blaring, feet clapping on the pavement and rows of cheering spectators above you, you'll feel your adrenaline pumping! Miles 1 & 2: Tour Chicago's scenic Streetville Neighborhood, towering with architecturally acclaimed skyscrapers, and look for the famous Chicago Theater as you approach mile 2 on State Street. Mile 3: Ever wonder how Chicago maintains its reputation as a financial hub and global leader? Check out the financial district - you're running through it! Mile 6: Hear something howling just east of you? Do not fear - lurking in the shadows of the city's skyscrapers, you are gliding through one of Chicago's largest green spaces: Lincoln Park Zoo. Mile 8: Get ready to get your groove on in "Boystown"! One of the most entertaining, spectator-friendly and famous places on the course, let the all male cheerleading squad of boystown put a little pep in your step. Mile 10: As you turn onto the beautifully tree-lined Sedgwick Street, you will hit one of the loudest spots on the course. The thunderous yells and cadenced applause of the endless crowds will send chills up and down your spine. Mile 16: You've passed the halfway point, and after heading west for two miles you've turned back east. You can finally look up and take a deep breath and get a snapshot of the entire city skyline. Inhale the beauty and exhale the wonder. 10 miles to go. Miles 19-20: No bonking ahead! Let the rhythms of the Mariachi bands playing along 18th street in Pilsen help you through Chinatown. Mile 22: Enter the dragon. Prepare to be awed by the colorful dynamic costumed dragon cheering you through Chinatown. Mile 23: Keeping it steady and strong, capture a glimpse of IIT's famous campus. Focus on the stunning and innovative architectural design of Mies Van Der Rohe, Myron Goldsmith, Rem Koolhaas and Hulmet Jahn before you make one of your final turns on Michigan Avenue. Mile 26: Hello "Mount Roosevelt"! As you vigorously stride into the homestretch, you power over the highest elevation point on the course - 24 feet. Mile 26.2. Celebrate your accomplishment and relive the journey you've just taken and the mark you've just made. Congratulations.
At the start line among 40,000 other people. Whoa. There are A LOT of people here. I can't see in front of me or behind me. I am packed in like a sardine. But, at least it's keeping me warm! Is it really 36 degrees?!? What is it with me and running marathons...??? What is it with me and running marathons in inclement weather??? At least it's not raining! This is going to be better than last year??? THIS IS GOING TO BE BETTER THAN LAST YEAR!!! Man it’s cold! How do people live here?!? Good thing my dad bought me this REALLY ugly disposable jacket and gloves. I think we are FINALLY moving. Oh crap, I can't get this fancy-schmancy new GPS watch that Seth lent me to work. I knew I should have used mine! Mile 1.5: Is that man really running with one leg and crutches?!? That's crazy. And, he's fast. I HAVE to pass that guy, he only has one leg! Ok, passed him... whew. Mile 7: Am I still running? I don't really feel like running anymore! Ugh... why do I keep signing up for these things? It's so bloody cold! Mile 8: Oh my gosh, the sun!!! FINALLY!!! Good-bye disposable gloves. Miles 8.5 - 9: Wait! What happened to the sun?!? My hands are freezing. My hands are freezing. My hands are freezing. Luckily I am running with a pack of sport jelly beans (yes, I did take candy… none of you are surprised). It seems like whichever hand the bag of beans is in is WAY less cold than the other. Great, I am never going to be able to actually eat these! Oh, this is pretty. These houses are gorgeous. If it wasn’t so bloody cold, maybe I could live here. They do have great shopping. Miles 10 -13: Look there is a pair of gloves someone disposed of, is it unsanitary to pick them up and use them?!? Yes... it is right?!? Oh, look there is another pair of gloves, can I use those... no. Oh look, another pair of gloves… etc., etc. etc. for 3 miles. Mile 13: Does that mile marker up there say 18?!? Oh my gosh, I am making such good time... wait... I think that's actually a 13. Man, I need new contacts. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!! I AM ONLY HALF WAY DONE WITH THIS BLOODY RACE!?!?! Mile 14: There's an aid station. I wonder if they would give me some of their plastic sanitary gloves they have to use. Cool. I'll just wear these. They are making my hands warm and even kind of sweaty. And, now I can finally EAT these sport beans, whew. Mile 15: Ummmm, I think maybe I look like the lunch lady with these gloves on. Oh well, I get to keep my hands. Mile 16: I SO look like a lunch lady. Mile 18: Is that guy giving out beer? What the... Mile 19: Do I still look like a lunch lady? Yep. But, I am not going to have to amputate my hands. Mile 20: Where's my brother? I need to find my brother, is that him... no... what about that guy? ... no. Mile 22: I guess I missed Mark... but, I was so preoccupied looking for him that I don't even remember running that past 3 miles, so that's good. Mile 23: Am I still running?!? WHY AM I STILL RUNNING! Mile 23.5: That guy is wearing a Fred Flinstone costume... did he just pass me?!? … yep, there he goes. He sure looks crazy... and weird... and warm! Wait, do I still look like a lunch lady?!? ... yep. Mile 24: Is that the finish line?!? Cool, I think it is. It looks ssssoooo close! I can do this. Mile 25: Why did they show me the finish line?!? I feel like I just got punk’d. It's like I am almost done, but I am NEVER going to get there. One more mile and I'll see my parents. Yipee. Mile 26: I am done... no wait... I still have .2 to go!!! I... can't... run... anymore... ugh... Finish line: Aaaaahhhh done! A little under 4 and a half hours. Yes, best time yet! That was fun. I totally want to do that again. I wonder when I can do another one. Beyond the finish line: OH MY GOSH! WHY DID MY PARENTS PARK SO BLOODY FAR AWAY! I AM GOING TO DIE! I wonder if they have a wheelchair I can borrow. I should have brought money so I could take a cab. I... CAN'T... MOVE. I wonder if this is permanent? I NEED FOOD. Oh, I see my parents. They are so cute and wonderful. My parents rock! Oh, they look so close, but it feels SO far away. I... DON'T WANT TO MOVE ANYMORE!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
And, sometimes when I get really thirsty, I just ASSUME I am diabetic.
But, I have NEVER actually made an appointment with the doctor to verify any of these assumptions.
Therefore, I am NOT a hypochondriac! Right?!?
Although one time this guy had me all but convinced that I had contracted lock jaw from a rusty fence that impaled me... but, that time I ACTUALLY did get a tetanus shot, so...
P.S. Jackie says she thought she had Lou Gehrig's Disease for all of the early 90s. So, I am totally normal!
Monday, October 19, 2009
So, imagine my excitement when Anthropologie had 8 pages devoted solely to legwear... HEAVENLY.
Unfortunately, I don't want to look like an 80s couch...
Or, an equestrian...
Or, a wench who works in a brothel...
Or, a fall clown...
Friday, October 9, 2009
I mean, really?!?
Did Barack Obama really just win the Nobel Peace Prize?!?
Oh, I am sorry... here it is "for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between the peoples."
What?!? What does that even mean?!?
He was only in office for 11 days prior to the deadline submission for the Nobel Peace Prize. Anyone remember him doing anything extraordinary?!? I swear all he did was pick out a dog for his kids that first 11 days!
Poor Nelson Mandela, and Mother Teresa, and Kofi Annan, and Henry Kissinger and Mikhail Gorbachev and Martin Luther King, Jr. and... If I were one of them, I might return the Nobel Peace Prize back to those nutty Norwegians.
It seems as if the award comes without accomplishment or validity these days.
My friend Rob Colson said it best "at least when they gave it to Al Gore he had singlehandedly stopped Global Warming by inventing the Internet."
Ha ha ha... I guess the Nobel Peace Prize has been devoid of any real accomplishment for a while now.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
And, Velda (who was also sent from God, but to make life better with her hospitality and sweetness and mothering skills), Jeremy and Tyler took us to Saguaro Lake most of Saturday to wake board and wake surf. I hadn't done either of those for a long time. And, I forgot how fun it is to be in a boat and also behind one! But, I must admit that I am tragically sore! I did alright, for not having practiced much, and when I fell (and I DID fall plenty) I did it in style.
Also, we went to see The Invention of Lying. And, although we were all falling asleep because we're old and we spent the better part of the day on a boat, we all LOVED it. It's funny!
Friday, October 2, 2009
Such a funny website. We went through the list and discussed what I agreed with and what I didn't. I promised him that I would blog about it. But, there are currently #128 things on the list. Helaman warned me that my blog post might be long, but assured me that if I kept it entertaining he'd read it. I didn't talk about all of them... thank goodness. Hecru, I'll try to keep it entertaining. This one is for you.
I decided that I would put my answers in categories. I came up with 3.
Category #1 - "Guilty" (These are the things listed on the site that fit me perfectly).
#126 - Vespa Scooters - The other day I almost bought one impulsively while driving by a garage sale in Huntington Beach. But, then I thought it might be kind of an expensive impulse buy, plus we don't have a garage, and the chicken coup is pretty full.
#116 - Black music that black people don't listen to anymore - two words... LIONEL RICHIE
#102 - Children's Games as Adults - I MAY or MAY NOT have instigated a game of Red Rover at Youth Conference last summer because I MAY or MAY NOT really actually like that game. And, no MAY or MAY NOTs about it. Two of our almost 29-year-old friends DID toilet paper our house last weekend. I blamed the Beehives in my ward (sorry about that). The boys seemed stoked that I mistook them for 12-year-old girls... WHATEVER.
#77 - Musical Comedies - Enter GLEE. (I am by no means done blogging about my MAD LOVE for GLEE... I will blog more about it later... wait for it...)
#57 - Juno - Well it's SUPER GOOD. All people SHOULD love it.
#56 - Lawyers - I HAVE to love lawyers. I am the spawn of a Harvard educated lawyer. It's in my blood. Luckily my dad hasn't practiced in decades, so I am allowed a bit of leeway there.
#55 Apologies - I am a PROFICIENT apologizer. It's chronic and habitual. And, sometimes I am not even truly sorry, truth be told. But, I am a people-pleaser, so I don't want anyone to be upset with me EVER. Thus, I apologize, even when probably unnecessary. I can't help it.
#54 - Kitchen Gadgets - Again, not an option, my mom works for William-Sonoma. I HAVE to have a Le Crouset pot... and a Kitchen Aid... and a cupcake tower... and a Panini maker... and a ...
#51 - Living by the Water - Yup, I am in. Sign me up... twice.
#45 - Asian Fusion - Did someone say Pei Wei? I have been to Asia... all over Asia. And, with the exception of Thailand, we white people CAN NOT handle authentic Asian food, our stomachs are weak!
#31 - Snowboarding - Pretty true. I don't think I have ever seen and non-Caucasian's snowboard... well.
#27 - Marathons! - Well, I don't ACTUALLY love them and at the same time I do. It's weird...
#26 - Manhattan - it's RAD!
#25 - David Sedaris - He's WICKED funny!
#9 - Making other people feel guilty about not going outside - well, yeah...
Category #2 - Things I MAINLY agree with as being indicative of most "white people" preferences, but not true for me... mainly because I am weird.
#128 Camping - If there are showers and plugs and it's RIGHT ON THE BEACH or VERY NEAR SAND DUNES, sign me up, otherwise, I am out!
#125 - Bob Marley - why is that?!?
#118 - Ugly Sweater Parties and #29 - 80's Night - Every holiday party in Texas is an "Ugly sweater party" a lot of people have those in the South. And, I total remember nights in the 80s, but white people really are the only people that get a kick out of making these into activities.
#108 - Appearing to enjoy classical music. I get that this makes me seem uncultured, but I don't general enjoy it much... sorry.
#120 - Taking a year off, #105 - Unpaid internships, #72 - Study Abroad, and #47 - Art Degrees. - A year off what?!? Worked since I was 17. No thanks. I will take money over experience! Sorry, it's the truth. Only if you have parents that will pay for you to "study abroad". And, no one is going to ask for your art (or music) degree, therefore, you might as well NOT pay for one. Get something useful and practice your talents on the side.
#64 - Recycling, 60 - Prius, #59 - Natural Medicine, #49 - vintage, #48 - Whole Foods Market, #41 Indie Music, and #32 Veganism/Vegetarianism, #15 - Yoga, and #6 - Organic Food. If it's convenient (I know, but I am super LAZY). Hogwash. It's dumb to pay more money for something used than new, WEIRD, WEIRD, WEIRD, WEIRD, and only for people who would rather pay more for the same exact stuff!
#101 - Being Offended - True. Stupid white people... mostly only chics. I can provide a list of white chics I have offended, some repeatedly, most in my family, none intentionally, yet somehow that doesn't seem to matter, because they'd all rather be offended than not.
#96 New Balance Shoes - Mostly true for older white men, like my dad, who has never owned any other kind of sneakers now that I think of it.
#83 - Bad Memories of High School & #17 - Hating their parents. Probably true, but I always LOVED them both.
#75 - Threatening to move to Canada, #62 - knowing what's best for poor people & #8 - NOT hating Barrack Obama (because apparently we are all afraid of being called racist). Canada Smanada, they eat too much cabbage there. No idea how to help poor people, but I always stick money in those cans outside the grocery store. And, Barrack Obama talks a good line... but, hasn't been able to back it up with much yet, so...
#71 - Being the only white person around & #7 Diversity. I am Mormon, so... This would appear untrue for most of us. Sorry, but it's true!
#65- Co-ed Sports & #61 - Bicycles. I HATE THEM BOTH! With the exception of the beach cruiser and beach football.
#39 Netflix - True. Except for my brother-in-law used to manage the online division of Blockbuster, so I got that instead, in support of my family... turns out my brother-in-law and sister have Netflix... SLAM!
#40 Apple Products - Apple is RAD! But, with the exception of the 6 ipods I have purchased (what?!? Turns out I lose things easily) I have a DELL computer, which I LOVE (and get made fun of profusely for) and a Blackberry, which I also LOVE.
#37 - Renovations/Shows about renovations - Blah... unless it's flipped out (which is way more about the CRAZY OCD of Jeff Lewis and way less about renovations), I am BORED!
Category #3 - Really? This is true only for white people? Please bless these things are of interest to all!!!
#113 - Halloween! - Who DOESN'T love love love Halloween?!?
#103 Sweaters, #86 shorts & #84 T-shirts - REALLY?!? Everyone should love ALL of these! And, I think non-Caucasians wear all of these, just usually in a size or two smaller (females) or larger (males) than they should!
#99 Grammar - Good job white people. Everyone should care about it!
#28 Not having a T.V. - I know ZERO white people who don't own a T.V. NOT EVEN ONE. But, truth be told, I don't know ANY PEOPLE who don't own T.V.s! Who would NOT own a T.V.??? - That's just plain silly!
#4 Assists - This one cracked me up! Probably true, but definately not true of ENOUGH white (or any other) people.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
The other day he and his girlfriend (who sometimes wears a bikini, although we never understand why, it appears she is the definition of wardrobe malfunction, though I think she's just trying to get her game on) were having what we like to call "a house party" on our street corner. She was giving the homeless guy a haircut. It was actually kind of tender... in a creepy-those-poeple-are-way-too-close-to-each-other-given-how-rarely-they-shower kind of way.
When he's gone I always joke that someone else will need to compliment me to keep my esteem high. The other day I walked by the reception's desk and she looked up and said "You're pretty." To which I responded. "Why thank you. And, that sure wasn't awkward."
But, Daniel (aka "the homeless guy") came back. And, so now Catherine no longer feels the need to compliment me. Albeit, sometimes she still calls me a "classy hoochie", which she swears is the sincerest form of flattery, but mainly when only when I wear a skirt. And, that RARELY happens because I still can't seem to shave my legs without them looking like I am intentionally a cutter.
Anyhoooooo... I went to get my daily coke(s) a few minutes ago. And, I couldn't avoid meeting face-to-face with Daniel, because he was laying in the doorway.
Homeless Guy: You are late.
Me: For what?
Homeless Guy: I have been sitting out here for 2 hours just to get a look at you.
Me: Oh brother.
I go inside to get my beverage of champions from Chu. Then I go back outside.
Homeless Guy: Nice shape baby!
Homeless Guy: I said, NICE SHAPE. Don't worry pretty girl it's a compliment. It's not nasty.
Please note. Said homeless guy has no teeth, and sometimes no pants either. Though luckily today he was donning a pair. And, for this, I was grateful. But still REALLY creeped out.