To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Passions and Peeves

I used to be WAY better at blogging. I’d post something at least a few times a week. Lately, it seems as if my posts are not only really sporadic, but also entirely about random things that make me laugh… which, if you know me, means I COULD in theory blog about, well… just about anything. So I decided to actually post about me and my most recent passions. We all know I have a ton of these including, but not limited to: running, candy, Lionel Ritchie, my nieces and nephews, fresh flowers, clean laundry (especially towels, sheets and blankets), my new house (which isn’t really new anymore, but I haven’t lost my obsession with it) and MANY other things. All of these passions is still around… the only one I got rid of was diet coke (for now, I am not making any promises though). But, these are all new:

1. Our backyard… it’s an island paradise! Marci moved in (which made our house even better because she’s wonderful, and brilliant and bendy) and she turned the backyard into this Garden of Eden Utopia! I am just waiting for her to “cue the deer”. I makes me smile everyday!

2.Gum. I’ve always liked gum. I, like Monica (from Friends), will always have gum. My nieces and nephews love me for it. They love new flavors. So, I have to test them all out, so as to impress. My new favorites are Trident Splash Citrus and Blackberry and Orbits Sangria something-something (please note, this is not the official name, I just can’t seem to remember it). They are both SO SO SO good.

3. Anna Sui perfume. I like the idea of perfume (and cologne) in theory. But, in reality 99.9% of them really irritate me. So for the past decade or so (no lie) I have been wearing Abercrombie & Fitch “8”. I like it. It smells fresh. But, I always rue the day that I run out of it, because that means I have to go back into that half-naked tween disco of a store where I can’t get anyone to help me because either I am not cute enough, cool enough or naked enough, or maybe it’s because I am just too old. So anyway, this perfume brings me such pleasure – not only does it smell nice, but they sell it at Anthropologie and people there like me!

4. Martin & Osa. It’s like J. Crew, but way less… nautical AND less expensive. They have the best T-shirts ever! Also, it smells woodsy! Just walking into that store makes me feel way more adventurous. It’s like R.E.I. for people who hike in espadrilles.

5. Runner’s World. I love this store. They make you test your stride and foot patterns to fit you for the perfect shoes. It’s so cool and kind of fun. Most people only go in there when they need new shoes. But, I sometimes want to go in there just for fun. In the same vein, I also make my friend Kara test me for diabetes every time we go out to eat. (Fortunately, I have not yet contracted it!)

6. 0+ yogurt. It’s SO good. Being as skittles are technically my favorite fruits, I am not really all that into being all natural or organic or healthy or anything. But, they have the yummiest pomegranate and berry combo flavors. Divine.

7. My nieces and nephews stripper monikers. My nephew Ethan (a.k.a. Muffin – not my friend, but the original Muffin) loves his nickname. And, he said the funniest thing to me when I was buckling him into his car seat a few weeks ago. I asked him if he was all buckled in but I called him “buddy”. He turned to me and said “you’re supposed to call me muffin cupcake.” I LOVE IT. So, now that’s my nickname. It goes well with the one my other nephew, Christian, gave me, “Bubbles”. I am thinking about getting a night job!

8. “Definitely Maybe.” I saw it in the theaters 3x. And, now I own it. (Marci doesn’t like it. It’s her only flaw so far).

9. Surfing. I want to be Blue Crush good. But, I can’t even stand up on the board yet… so we have a ways to go. I am trying to look like this:

10. Lilly. She’s my new beach cruiser. She’s purple. And, Morgan bought her a bell that reads “I love my bike”. (Ask Morgan about her bell that reads: “I love my mom”.) I bought her on the 4th of July. (I recently decided that I want to buy myself large presents for every holiday. As you can imagine, I am thrilled for Labor Day, followed by Ramadan. So, I am not Islamic, no big deal, I’ll buy myself a slightly smaller gift, in honor of the Islamists all around the world.)

11. Flipping Out. It’s a reality TV show (on Bravo I think) about this guy who is really OCD and SO crazy. He is SO SO SO crazy! But, the guy is such a genius when it comes to flipping houses. They turn out beautiful. Seriously, it's so entertaining.

12. The Caylee Anthony case. Only because this is the one that interests me at the moment. The sad truth is when I was young I wanted to be a Forensic Psychologist. No Joke. When I got to choose the book for my first middle school book report, I chose Helter Skelter (about Charles Manson), I read the Perfect Murder, Perfect Town book (Jon Benet Ramsey), I watched the ENTIRE O.J. Simpson trial everyday after school when I wasn't folding clothes at The GAP (I had 11 AM release) and I was so into the Scott Peterson trial, I listened to the recap all the way to and from work. I am weird, I know! There is just something about sociopaths that totally intrigues me! So right now, I am vehemently interested in the Caylee Anthony case... unfortunately I think the little princess is gone forever... she so cute!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Wharf, The Wedding, Ferries, The Islands & The Georgia Peaches

Ok, so I am tired and it's been 2 weeks, so I barely remember this trip, because I have half-heimers ALREADY.

So, I'll keep it short. We went to Seattle a few weeks ago. Cori and Rob got married. So, we decided to make a long weekend out of it.

We came, we saw, we conquered! We did it all. Ferries to Whidbey Island and Port Towsend, Space Needle, Pike's Place and then we met the greatest ladies ever - our Georgia Peaches (Nancy and Donna)!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Score one for New Zealand!

Many people have children. Many are good moms. Many are ridiculous.

Sadly, here in the U.S. we tipped over the fulcrum of reasonable and right, we are WAY too focused on being politically correct that we don't really stand up for anything it might hurt someone's feelings.

But, not New Zealand! I might move there!

There is this little nine-year-old girl whose parents SERIOUSLY named her Tulula Does The Hula From Hawaii. Yep, that's right. That's her whole name! Tragedy!!! But, some decent judge MADE her parents change her name because it was cruel! Hello?!? Who does that? Well, apparently a lot of New Zealanders... because there were also these names (which were also banned - Thank Heavens) "Fish and Chips", "Yeah Detroit", "Keenan Got Lucy" and "Sex Fruit". But, unfortunately he let the names "Number 16 Bus Shelter".

All of this is so disturbing to me!

So disturbing.

People are crazy!

All of the parents of the aforementioned children should NOT have given birth. But, if they HAD to do so, they all should have given their kids to me! I would have given them decent names and cut their sandwiches in half, wrapped the sandwiches in a napkin and put them in a ziplock and written their cute names on the bag encircled by a heart!

Saturday, July 19, 2008


My dear sweet friend told me this weekend "You are not going to get married anytime soon because you don't know how to piss or get off the pot!"

I don't REALLY EXACTLY know what this means. But, it's been running through my mind all weekend. And, it makes me laugh.

I assume it has the same sentiment as my recent prayers "Dear God. Please send me a back bone. Thanks!"

Monday, July 14, 2008

How a real man uses a post-it note!

A guy at work sent this to me...

Totally inappropriate and demeaning to women - check!

Ridiculously funny - check check!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

I am a surfer...

I surf!

Ok, well... not really... I mean... not well.

Throughout the course of my life I have had several daring young men try to teach me to surf. It all started when I was 15. So, it's been a while now, although I have only had 3 "lessons." This summer Dizzy, Morgan and I decided that we were going to get good enough to justify buying our own boards.

So, on Saturday Erik took us out surfing. We were the biggest bunch of wankers EVER. But, only because it was SO much harder than it looks and because I wasn't grasping the barnyard analogies (although Dizzy was totally getting it).

And, I have to say everything is bruised... knees... hips... ribs... elbows... and my arms are so sore, I am having trouble typing this. And, the sad truth is I only rode one big wave in on my knees AND I stood up once, but not so much on a wave as after the wave passed.

So, Dizzy, Morgan and I were trying really hard to be big bad surfers... at first... and then we tried not to kill ourselves... we succeeded at the latter... barely.

Erik had to push us into the waves because we couldn't paddle fast enough to actually catch the waves. Finally, I told Erik that I could do it if he just gave me more advanced notice. He started telling me to paddle, so I would furiously paddle and then he'd say "oh wait, there's no wave. I can't really give you more advanced notice than I already was." I guess that's the deal with surfing, if you have ZERO upper body strength, you probably won't ever be a good surfer. Sucks for me!

So, after two hours of getting myself licked by the ocean, I decided I was done. So, Erik pushed me right on top of the wave. It was perfect, I was all over it. But, then I started laughing so hard because I had NO upper body strength left and I couldn't even lift my own body weight.

Today I got an email encouraging me to do "five man push-ups" a night. So, I better go, that should take me forever! And, I am already tired.