As most of you all know, the boys in my office call me "Brinker" and for the most part I have always quite enjoyed the fact that I have a nickname in my office, even with the ever present interminable fear that one day one of them is going to forget that I am not ACTUALLY one of the boys and give me a "good-game" slap across the backside. Yikes!
The risk has always been worth the knowledge that they all adore me enough to give me a pet name that they use regularly. It warms my heart really! Or, at least it used to... I must confess that lately "Brinker" has served as the impetus for an impending demand to pander to some ridiculous whim for my boss Joe! We all know how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE Joe... and we all know why (but, in case you don't just wait until I get back from my "Corporate Retreat" in 3 days!) But, I swear if I hear the word "Brinker" come out of his mouth one more time this week, I might have to take a pen to his jugular... I know it sounds vicious, but hopefully you'll all understand when I tell you (without exaggeration) what has followed that moniker ALL week.
Joe: I need you, come in here.
Ali: What's up?
Joe: Look at this picture.
Joe shows me a photo of him in some fishing outfit while in the Tasu Sound up in Canada.
Ali: That's a cool picture Joe.
Joe: Brinker, be honest, do I look fat?
Ali: Uhhhh, no.
Joe: Why did you hesitate?
Ali: Sorry, I was just taking a closer look.
Ali: And, you're wearing rubber pants and suspenders and wellies and you are waist high in water. How am I supposed to tell if you look fat Joe, you are wearing rubber pants?!?
Joe: So? Well, then look at me now. Do I look fat?
Ali: Ummm, no. You look like a normal 50-year-old man.
Joe: Brinker I am only 48!
Ali: Sorry Joe, I have really bad eyes.
Joe: Get out.
Ali: Ok, thanks.
25 minutes later...
Ali: Uh huh.
Joe: I need you.
Ali: OK, hold on.
Joe: No, I need you now. What are you busy???
Ali: Um, well did you realize that you have me bidding 16 jobs in the next month?!?
Joe: So, what are you trying to say?
Ali: I am trying to say that YES, I am busy.
Joe: I need you.
I walk the 20 feet to his office...
Joe: Brinker, how do you spell goat?
Joe: How do you spell goat?
Ali: Like the barnyard animal goat?
Joe: Don't make fun of me, I went to a one-room school.
Ali: What are you putting together that uses the word goat?
Joe: Don't worry about it.
Joe snickers as he sends some email to his friends.
10 minutes later...
Ali: REALLY Joe?
Ali: I'll be right there.
Joe: Brinker, holds up a very large shirt, do you think this will fit me?
Ali: Sure, Joe. It might even be too big.
Joe: Because I am getting thinner???
Ali: Or you could try it on...
Joe: Good idea Brinker, you're so smart.
The following day as I walk up the stairs to my office at 9:30 AM (Yikes)...
Joe: Good afternoon Brinker!
Ali: Hey Joe.
Joe: I need you to tell me something, what is Mikimoto?
Ali: I don't know Joe. I don't even know what you're talking about.
Joe shows me this gift card
Joe: I got this gift card for $1,000 to Mikimoto and they have one in the mall by your house.
Ali: Oh, I think maybe it's a jewelry store, like a way nice one.
Joe: Well, find out for me will you?
LITERALLY 8 seconds later he buzzes my office, mind you, I haven't even gotten there yet.
Joe: Brinker? Did you find out yet? What is it?
Ali: Joe, I am not even really in my office yet. Hold on just one second.
Joe: Brinker, I guess you don't want this then.
Ali: Hold on, I'll look it up right now. I get on the internet . Yep, it's a jewelry store.
Joe: Ok, do you want this?
Joe: I'll give it to you.
Ali: Um, that might be a bit inappropriate Joe. Maybe you should give it to your wife.
Joe makes a face as if he's eaten something VERY sour.
Ali: Or your daughters.
Joe: I gave them those bracelets that snap on the wrists the other day, they cost $10 and they loved them, but one of them already lost hers. Do you really think I would spend $1,000 on bracelets for them?
Under my breath "yes"
Ali: What about your mom?!? You like your mom right?
Joe: The other day I tried to buy my mom a house, she said "No."
Ali: Well, maybe you should start with something smaller, like a bracelet?!?
Joe: Brinker, if you win your marathon will you let me get you drunk?!?
Joe rented an RV and is taking his two daughters to St. George to go camping and hand me water throughout the race - could there be anything more supportive for a boss to do?!?
Ali: Sure Joe, IF I win the St. George Marathon I'll let you get me drunk!
Joe: So, that ain't going to happen, right?
Ali: I am flattered you think I am THAT good. Thank you!
Joe: Well damn!
Sometimes I feel like Sandra Bullock in Two Weeks Notice!