To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Friday, September 11, 2009

Eunice... My Newest Moniker

APPARENTLY, I am not an athletic purest...

Because, personally, I think the hermaphrodite should be able to keep her... errr... his metal or trophy or whatever it is the she-man won for being able to run RIDICULOUSLY fast.

And, the 2nd and 3rd place runners should be fine with that... because they too are really fast AND they get to keep their identifying genders, which is a far greater victory than beating the world record by 2 and 1/2 seconds, only to find out you are not what you thought you were.

I mean, come on... it's got to suck enough to find out that all the time you've been thinking you were just a really not-so-feminine looking chic, you were actually not a chic at all... and then again... not a dude either. So, although all you know is that you can run fast, and you are really good at that! Too bad. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200... or your trophy... or your 1st place title. Sorry, you won't be able to do anything with your speed because the sporting world can't figure out what to do with you.

I tried to find a few reasons why being a hermaphrodite wouldn't suck. This is what I came up with:

1. You can use both the girls and the boys public restrooms.
2. Banana Slugs, Snails and Clownfish feel your pain.
3. The term Hermaphrodite stems from both Greek Legends Hermes (Messenger of the gods) and Aphrodite (Goddess of love and beauty and sexual desire).
4. Jamie Lee Curtis MIGHT be one too…

But, the truth is, there is NO way around it... seriously, it would suck.

I am on Team Hermaphrodite!

My newest goal in life: Campaigning for Hermaphrodite sports!

Just call me the Eunice Kennedy Shriver of Hermaphrodite Athletics... I mean, you might as well... Jackie has been calling me "Eunice" all day. She has also been taking a poll "hermaphrodite-defender" or "athletic purest".

Team Hermaphrodite - 2

Team Athletic Purist - 2

I am too afraid to ask anyone else that works here... I am pretty sure they all already think I am weird, this would REALLY do me in.


April said...

I'm team H. Let "it" run.

Party of Five said...

Not a post goes by that you don't make me practically wet my pants. You are hysterical!

Ali B. said...


"Team H" - 6

Team Athletic Purism - ONLY 3!

I am one great Eunice wannabe!