To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

"The Program"

So, a few weeks ago I met a new friend - Eric Whitemeyer. Apparently Dizzy had known him for a while now, but to me he's shiny and new!

So, Eric is FAB! So much fun! Really chill. I call him "muffin", it's his nickname. (Don't tell my 3-year-old nephew, Ethan, because it's his nickname too.)

And, he weighs A BUCK TWENTY (EIGHT???) - Now this is not 128 the way we girls weigh ourselves, after a run, a pee, totally naked really early in the morning before eating anything... nope. He's A BUCK TWENTY (EIGHT???) after Sunday dinner and dessert, fully dressed WITH shoes.

I put him on a program. I told him he had to eat In-and-Out everyday at least once. And, I told him everytime he wanted to eat fruit he should substitute it for M&Ms. He's supposed to gain 3 pounds in a week (he wanted to go for 5, but I talked him down).

So, last night Muffin came over all excited, thinking he gained some weight (mind you it had only been 2 days). He wanted to be weighed. So, I weighed him, thinking I would blame any weight gain on the fact that he was wearing 4 shirts, jeans and tennis shoes. But, he got on the scale and he weighed A BUCK TWENTY-SEVEN! How is that possible! He looked shocked. I was pissed! What the ??? "The Program" never fails me (although, I never intentionally go on "the program"... it just happens.)

Dear Santa, I have been a good girl. Next Christmas I want muffin's metabolism!!!

Anyway, we decided he needed to eat, STAT. So, we told him to grab something in the pantry and eat it. Eating at 10 PM is never good, right???

I came back downstairs and I saw this! I am pretty sure I understand now.



Muffin... oh muffin, diet womens' cereal??? Really??? I mean REALLY!!! There were cookies, M&Ms, 6 JARS of candy, chips, crackers...

6 comments:

Paige said...

I won't tell Claire that you call him muffin considering that is everyone on the planets nickname coming from her. Oh and get rid of the diet cereal altogether.

The last Unicorn said...

Hilarious! I have to ask... how tall is "little" Muffin?

Eric said...

That was some great cereal and "Muffin" is 5'7". Peace, I got to go eat an orange I'm starved.

Aubrey said...

Oh for the love of junk food. Get this guy a twiinkie!!! He's giving me an obesity complex!

Amanda said...

Tell him to try giving birth - you can gain 40 lbs in 9 months and still have much of that weight almost a year later. Not that I'm bitter about that or anything...

Peter said...

Why the heck are you trying to fatten up my new friend?!

Stop now. :)