"The Program"

So, a few weeks ago I met a new friend - Eric Whitemeyer. Apparently Dizzy had known him for a while now, but to me he's shiny and new!

So, Eric is FAB! So much fun! Really chill. I call him "muffin", it's his nickname. (Don't tell my 3-year-old nephew, Ethan, because it's his nickname too.)

And, he weighs A BUCK TWENTY (EIGHT???) - Now this is not 128 the way we girls weigh ourselves, after a run, a pee, totally naked really early in the morning before eating anything... nope. He's A BUCK TWENTY (EIGHT???) after Sunday dinner and dessert, fully dressed WITH shoes.

I put him on a program. I told him he had to eat In-and-Out everyday at least once. And, I told him everytime he wanted to eat fruit he should substitute it for M&Ms. He's supposed to gain 3 pounds in a week (he wanted to go for 5, but I talked him down).

So, last night Muffin came over all excited, thinking he gained some weight (mind you it had only been 2 days). He wanted to be weighed. So, I weighed him, thinking I would blame any weight gain on the fact that he was wearing 4 shirts, jeans and tennis shoes. But, he got on the scale and he weighed A BUCK TWENTY-SEVEN! How is that possible! He looked shocked. I was pissed! What the ??? "The Program" never fails me (although, I never intentionally go on "the program"... it just happens.)

Dear Santa, I have been a good girl. Next Christmas I want muffin's metabolism!!!

Anyway, we decided he needed to eat, STAT. So, we told him to grab something in the pantry and eat it. Eating at 10 PM is never good, right???

I came back downstairs and I saw this! I am pretty sure I understand now.



Muffin... oh muffin, diet womens' cereal??? Really??? I mean REALLY!!! There were cookies, M&Ms, 6 JARS of candy, chips, crackers...

Halted...

Ok, so I had such grand ambitions of posting my whole house, room-by-room, day-by-day in a week or so... but, I can't... I regret to admit it's not done yet. My progression is halted! I still need to paint the bench that goes in the front yard. (By the way, does anyone want to build me a swing?!?) I am waiting on some towels to come in from Pottery Barn for my bathroom. We are not getting our couch until March (yikes! - It's a good thing Wendy and I are not big T.V. watchers). The office still needs to have the entertainment piece painted and put together. I guess Wendy and I could post our bedrooms, but we'd have to clean them... which hasn’t been happening lately.

But, mainly for me this is where I am halted as far as my bedroom and the office is that I have ZERO nic-nac type items?!? What is wrong with me?!? (This is rhetorical, DO NOT feel the need to post your ideas about this question)! I mean, I am a girl, I am supposed to have dozens of decorative accessories, even boxes of them that I bought, but can not put out because I have too many. Nope! Not I. I think I am missing some girly gene that requires me to feel compelled to buy these items. I mean, when I moved I had to buy dishes, I didn't have ANY. (My old roommate, Cori, has 5 SETS!) What girl doesn't own dishes? And, do you want to know what kind I bought - white ones, plain ole', no pattern, no frills, white dishes! Just this weekend Robin and I were at the mall and we went into Crate and Barrel. Robin was in paradise, I think I started itching. There were so many plates and vases and… I had to escape to Banana Republic, where I could do some REAL damage.

Which leads me to this thought… with the exception of my vast wardrobe and my penchant for collecting make-up (yea, I don't know why I do that either), I am not all together that girly! I've been thinking about it a lot lately and I think I am missing some very important feminine genes. Here are 5 reasons why:

1. I work in a Construction Firm… around ALL men (and I kind of fit in, I can totally hold my own). My mind is pretty permanently in the gutter. Every joke I know is pervy! I own a hard hat and a safety vest... I mean, if I wanted to be one of the Village People for Halloween, I already have a costume! Not too feminine.

2. I am dead inside. I hardly ever cry. I am so unemotional. Seriously! I feel like Cameron Diaz in 'The Holiday' or Zach Braff in 'Garden State'... I mean I am supposed to cry when my car won't start or I see a bug or when things don’t go my way or SOMETHING... but, I don't. I hardly ever cry. I just go running (how very masculine of me), which is an odd female reaction. But, it's mine. And, I own it.

3. I don't pick up on hints very easily. When people are mad at me, I never can look at them and hang out with them and know. I just assume they are having a bad day and carry on with my life, as per usual. It seems presumptuous that I would have any effect on someone's day-to-day life, right? And when guys like me... I usually have no idea until they verbally say "I like you." (I could provide a list of references for this claim, but I won't). That not picking up on not-so-subtle hints - that's a male trait right?

4. I don't think ALL babies are cute. I am sorry, but I don't. A lot of them look sort of raisin-esque to me. I mean, I'd venture to say I only think about 30% of all babies are REALLY cute. (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE kids... and my future kids will definitely fall within the 30% - because they'll be mine, just as ALL my neices and nephews fall within this minority, because their also mine - AND because they ARE all cute...) but, most of the time, I just lie and say babies are cute because it's easier! I KNOW isn't that HORRIBLE?

5. I don't have any decorative home accessories! - What the...

But in my own defense, I am rather verbose, I tend to mother everyone and everything in sight (to a fault, I've been told), I ask a TON of questions, I am really good at multi-tasking and I am rather affectionate - these are girly traits right? Plus, I do LOVE to shop for clothes and shoes, so I hoping my excessive collection of jeans makes up for the lack of feminine genes I seem to have missed somewhere along the way.

P.S. I WILL eventually post every room in my house, it just might take a while. Stay tuned.

Might have to "quit" Heath

So, Heath Ledger died. Which is REALLY sad. I LOVED him in 10 Things I hate About You (which is actually a really good movie, with a really good soundtrack).

But, I digress. So, anytime something happens in Hollywood, J. Flo, my favorite work cohort, and I start doing internet investigation work. We always end up REALLY far from where we started. We were trying to find out exactly what happened to Heath. And, somehow we ended up trying to find out which celebrities were born on our birthdays.

My list is PATHETIC!!! I am thinking of lying about my birthday from now on.
Charles Manson! Neil Young! Tanya Harding! - I'll take someone aggressive for $1000 Alex! Come on!!!

I also have Nadia Comaneci - now that's better, she got a perfect 10! Nice. Way better than the one who caned the horse-face girl in ice skating, right? Plus, we saw her in the flesh at Sea World when I was like 7 or something. Jennica still has her autograph.

I also got Megan Mullally and David Schwimmer - who are HILARIOUS!

Anne Hathaway and Ryan Gosling - they're both pretty cool I guess.

And, then I get Grace Kelly! Yea! Finally a real legend.

And, a little less famous, but far more impressive, my older twin-sister-6-years-removed - Kimberly Brinkerhoff Jones!

Guess it's not all bad.

Try it http://www.celebritorium.com/

But, for real, anyone figure out how Heath Ledger died yet?

I know I am a late bloomer...

... always have been.

So, last night I played Guitar Hero for the first time! (I know, I am a bit behind).

Let me just tell ya, I have ZERO music talent and even less hand-eye coordination. (Which is, perhaps, why I love to run - no talent involved). Last night I was reminded of that time I HAD to play the recorder back in 4th grade... there was a recital... it was tragic. For those of you who have no idea what the recorder is, there are like 8 notes... THE END. Not hard. But, I was no good.

Similarly, I was NO GOOD at Guitar Hero. I played twice against my cousin Scott. I got a 53% on the first game and a 60% on the second game. I was on the easy level. That's NO GOOD right?

In the wake of Evel Knievel...

So, CNN is reporting that Evel Knievel died today...

... which made me think of this rad story about our very own dare devil - el jefe himself - Joe Reyes.

A few weeks ago my boss bought his 3rd motorcycle (this year) and went to the Baja 100 or 1,000 or 10,000... whatever it's called, we've already clearly established that I am no good at sports??? is motorcycle riding a sport??? My dad would be SO disappointed that I am unclear about this...

So anyway, he thought he was all bad-ass, wearing a shirt that said something about a Cauhuy (something about him not being afraid of the boogie man en espanol), and at his first stop across the border into Mexico a little girl walked right up to him and asked him which Power Ranger he was supposed to be!

RAD... that is so RAD! For some reason I want to find that little girl and hug her or pay her or something!

Fuman Skeeto?!?

In my family we have this saying when we play games, "you win, but you lose." It is used to express that by the rules, you win, but by the mere fact that anyone (in particular the person blurting out the absurdly true answer) who knows something so lame is a loser.

I understand that "loser" may be a harsh word. But, hear me out...

So, a week or so ago, we were all just bumming around our house (which is now so divinely decorated in Christmas joy and festivity). And, we decided to play 90s trivial pursuit.

So here's the question (in general - not exactness): What is the name of Chris Kirkpatrick's clothing line?

WHO ??? (For clarification for those of you NORMAL people who do not know, Chris Kirkpatrick - at least I think that's the name - is a member of N'Sync or the Backdoor Boys or some similar boy band!

He has a clothing line??? - SCARY!

So, Melissa Stiles busts out with "Fuman Skeeto". Which is correct. And for which we ALL agreed that she won, but she also lost!

FYI - Melissa was on my team, and we won... but, I am not sure we should have.

P.S. For the record, they got sued for having too close a company name as another company.

P.S.S. Are you kidding... that was just the excuse FMS used for going under, because there is no way anyone would buy these TRAGIC duds! Right???