To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

It's come to this...

My friend Melissa Chipman sent this email to me and my roommate... apparently she had a dream about us... but, actually Cori got spared...

... So I had the best dream about you two last night. Ali was engaged
to some totally short, weird guy. Everyone was freaking out because they
didn't really know each other. Ali just said it would all be okay and they
would fall in love at some point. We were all over at your house, which
wasn't the house you now live in. It was some other random house. We
were talking about the situation and Ali and little guy walked in. It was
very tense and then the dream was over...

Basically, this is EXACTLY how I imagined it would happen for me... ever since I was a little girl... OK, actually this version only surfaced as a fantasy last year... but, still.

For those of you who wish to have future dreams about me... if I am not getting married in real life, here are your available options for husbands, there are 4:

(1) David Beckham (but, only mute... I don't think I could handle it if he actually spoke);

(2) Wentworth Miller;

(3) Chris Carraba; and

(4) Jared Leto (pre make-up, jean leggings and the no-name band) - the My-so-called-life or the Fight Club years.

If I marry anyone else... namely anyone short and weird... I really don't need to hear about it.

And, if I do, be warned... I am going to attempt to direct my dreams to avenge the ones had about me, and I am not promising that everyone lives in my dreams!


Cori said...

As your roommate I have my speculations as to who the short weird guy might be. How short is our neighbor Steve?

Paige said...

Ali..I can't actually write down names cuz i'm not sure who reads your blog, but...either way, short or not...At least your getting married. Congratualations!!! I am totally coming to dinner with you when Joe is here. He clearly deserves to stare at my boobs after moving me out here.

Marian said...

I think you should let Beckham speak because he has that wonderful accent. Just script what he says.

f*bomb. said...

Short people need love, too. I wish you wouldn't be so discriminatory, Ali. geez.

Clean Slate said...

If you don't get Chris Carraba, can I have him?

Vanilla Vice said...

I don't know if you've actually heard Beckham's voice, but I'm pretty sure the cute accent would be forgotten once you heard how high and gay it sounds.

I had a dream that you got married to an Iranian midget who rode a horse through Mexican villiges selling trinkets to children. You were very happy.

Ali B. said...

Cori - Ha Ha...

Paigey - See you on Wednesday... p.s. my boss is bringing 2 friends, they are all pervy, can they all stare at your "tiggs"?

M.E. Hi, I love you and miss you so much... go Mitt

Paigey - My friend M.E. works for your sister's father-in-law.

M.E. and Paigey - I got a democrat in my office to say he's voting for Mitt, he keeps me updated.

Farrah - you can love the short ones (right M.E.)?

Mindy - Nope I get Chris, I am older... that's how it works... wait your turn... he's a bit EMO for me, so if I don't end up loving him THEN you can have him.

Bree - I had a dream you married Siamese twins who were actually from Siam (or the former Siam)and one was a girl, but they looked the same so you could never really figure it out... but you were happy... really happy... and when you got bored with one, you just flipped it/he/she over...

All: As for David Beckham... it's not the accent I can't take... in fact I love me some British accent, I actually prefer it (Have you heard Jude Law, albeit a bit epicene for my taste, what nanny could refuse an accent like that???) It's the fact that he's so inarticulate, which probably spawns from the fact that he is so unintelligent... both he and his wife publicly announced that neither of them had ever actually READ a book in their adult lives... ironic that I hear they are writing one...

Enough said.

Seymour Glass said...

Bree-thanks for addressing Becks' downright silly voice. i mean it sounds like he's breathing helium...but the guy has quite the foot. not that most of you ladies care.

and f*b, i think it's important to note the difference's short men that are being discriminated against. i do feel bad for short guys, must be hard out there for them since one of the first 2-3 things that comes out of a woman's mouth when describing her ideal man is "tall." which makes me wonder what i'm doing wrong. i mean, i'm tall.

f*bomb. said...

You're probably just not asking any of them out.
Just a guess.

Short people do all KINDS of things well. We take up less space, are more portable, you'll save tons of money because you can just shop for him in the Jrs section, and short men are typically meatier (they get too tall and then they get too skinny- even I can't deal with a man skinnier than me).

Besides- he will always notice your shoes and your outfit- they'll be closer to eye level.