To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Rough Patch?!?

So, over the course of the last few weeks there have been oh-so-many incidents in my life, my roommates' lives, and my practically-roommates' lives that have led me to this conclusion...

I think maybe they should bring back Polygamy.

Seriously, what are we waiting for? Joe said he'd be Mormon if they still had it, which would increase our tithing pool substantially! Plus, I've been thinking... I'd rather be a second wife to some of the more NORMAL guys I know than deal with the current crop of guys I know!

I understand that this statement may seem a bit harsh. But, even my parents who spent only 4 short days in our apartment were dizzy from all the drama! My mom finally conceded that dating these days IS far different than when she was a lass. (FINALLY).

So, Reyna if you are still up for it, can I share Seth with you?!? Clearly you're lonely out there in Chicago and busy with 3 kids under the age of 3, right? And, I could sure use a 44 oz. diet coke brought to me with a smile every morning?!?

Or Melanie, can I take your extra bedroom? I really like Chad, and maybe the fact that I don't know him that well will be an added bonus. And, since I am only going to be a second wife, I can totally hit up his dad for all those free McFlurries he offered, no need to maintain any sort of a trim figure. Plus, what a dream to live in Texas by my family.

Or Amanda, would Jonny be game? I could help with peanut and the papoose hold on Saturdays. And, I could sure use the foot rubs and the free movies.

Or Wendy, Schmoopy always made me laugh AND he always made me really good CD mixes. We all know how much I love music. And, no one calls your dad out the way I do!

I am totally good at sharing and really not all that needy. I can change my own flat tire AND jump a car AND kill bugs! Plus, I sort of like to clean stuff! I'll share my clothes and my 401K (and I’ve been working F-O-R-E-V-E-R). Any takers?

11 comments:

Kari said...

I will share if you promise to be my sugar mama.

The last Unicorn said...

If you can hook Haws up with Kings tickets and promise to take me when you get free Vegas trips and shopping sprees, I am more than willing to share :)

Ali B. said...

Kari, I don't know anything about Matt. Give me three good qualities and one bad and then we'll see. If he passes, I'll totally be your sugar mama.

Lori, I can get Haws tickets for the Kings again this year. Just remind me. It's so easy, I just have to smile my prettiest smile. Thanks for being willing to share!

charity said...

i love this post...

Aubrey said...

girl, you are a ridiculous. i love it.

Amanda said...

I'm in - you can be sporty healthy eating fashionable wife and I'll be...I actually don't know what I am! Now I'm having an identity crisis!

Jody and Jake Moore said...

Ali - I'll be your wife! Wait, that's not what you meant huh? Well still, I will! I'm a good wife...ask Jake!

TERI SUE WAGNER NINE said...

Ali, I will share if you'll do all my house cleaning and homeschool the kids for me. ;) Also, Bob will need to know three good qualities and one bad before he'll make a decision too. ;)

You're so nuts! And what worries me... is that I completely understand it! :) LOL!

Mango said...

Yes please! I am glad that my crazy dating (and sometimes not dating) life could contribute to such a great post. Now I just have to see which one of my friends will share.

ambyr said...

ali- you crack me up woman!! This must be the funniest post I've ever read!! I'm glad you wrote this post with full force positives....it seems when we hear of pologamy all the women run the other way!!

Chad & Melanie Gray said...

Ali! I haven't been to your blog in a while- This is so funny! Especially after our phone call last night. You are one of the FUNNEST people I know! Love ya!