To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Monday, April 9, 2007

A Few MINOR Details

Ok, so I spent the entire weekend being the task-master to bridezilla. What can I say, it's my most recently developed talent. I've been to enough weddings you think I'd be an expert. WRONG AGAIN!

So, my friend Jess got married in Santa Barbara, where we grew up (sorry to keep shell-shocking those of you who still believe I grew up in Utah - still not the case). We've known each other since we were 11 and when we were in college we were roommates for a couple years. I was going to drive up there Saturday morning. But, then I got a call from her saying she didn't want to sleep in the hotel alone. So off I went to rescue my childhood friend. We stayed up talking until 1 AM about how jacked up most of or college roommates were (2 of them were from Canada and only ate cabbage - oddly, they weren't especially thin; 1 read romance novels in the bathroom for HOURS and had terrible nose hairs; another was a phlebotomist and left her crazy blood samples all over the house; ZERO of them were "normal"). We ended the night totally in awe of how we made it through those years without committing homicide.

The view was amazing, you could see the beach and all of downtown Santa Barbara. You could also see (and hear) about 2 dozen kids and adults in the pool area directly behind the wedding seating. As the bride was walking down the aisle we saw two things (1) bride and (2) heavy-set lady wrestling with toddler with her bathing suit nicely tucked into her... full monty, while "Nothing's going to stop us now" was playing.

My first screw up was this: I was in charge of getting the people on the end of the aisles to throw the rose petals into the aisle way during the recessional. But, this lady started throwing them at Jess on the way down the aisle, so I joined her, the consequence of this was the evil eye from Bridezilla. Oops. Clearly the recessional would be when they leave... whatever, I never volunteered for this.

The second screw up was the best mishap. It was neither my fault, nor was it minor. But, it was FUNNY. They had a slideshow. It was lovely: bride with mullet, sans teeth, bad prom dress transition to groom in boy scouts, playing with boat, in a rock band with long creepy hair and then to "Kelly and Rolland together" and "Congratulations Kelly and Rolland"... except who is "Kelly"? My friend's name is Jessica. OOPS! I was totally waiting for a Jerry Springer moment… fortunately or unfortunately there was no Kelly.

All-in- all I learned 3 very important things:
(1) Always check your slideshow to make sure all names are correct, and
(2) If you sign R.S.V.P. to a wedding, show up! Bridezilla will not miss you, per se, but she will be mad at the schmakeroos she paid for you to be "self-centered";
(3) Do not wear cute shoes is you are the task-master. Cute shoes are not comfortable. They just aren't. And, the task-master position, while earning little to no respect, requires frequent bouts of running.

Let's dish. What are the biggest wedding bloopers any of you ever witnessed?


Paige said...

Ali..When are you going to learn when not to wear cute shoes? Moving to Arizona, not one of them. All day event wedding...Not either..Miss you and your high heels.

brooke said...

Wow... I missed three incredibly funny installments of the Ali show over the weekend. You are freaking hilarious.

As far as wedding mishaps go, I'd like for anyone who's spent any time in an LDS singles ward and has NOT been to a wedding with some freak-show blooper reel to step forward because you, my friend, are in the minority.

My FAVORITE of all time had to be the one done in the apartment clubhouse. My roommate at the time and I visit taught this girl and had talked to her 1.5 times when she asked us to take over her wedding plans. We were the photographers and were in charge of making the cake (we're both teachers by trade, mind you). I was assigned to the bride to follow around and take pictures. When I arrived at her apartment, she was standing there, stark naked, except for one very strappy thong. Then, she asked me to zip her up (her mom was in the room, too...why not ask mom to do it?) and the zipper got stuck right at mid-crack. Of course, once she was zipped, you could see the white thong clearly through the back of the white dress. I didn't care to mention it at this point. The clubhouse was decked out as the church/ reception hall all in one, so she walked down the aisle between the bar/ sink and a covered pool table. The pool table had a nice spread of red, white and blue chinet that had been used at the previous weeks' ward activity.

This is longest comment ever... Sorry, but OH MY GOSH, it was the funniest event that I had to keep a straight face at.

f*bomb. said...

The priest kept calling the bride, "Kathy" and "Carrie." Her name is "Kate."