Ok, so I spent the entire weekend being the task-master to bridezilla. What can I say, it's my most recently developed talent. I've been to enough weddings you think I'd be an expert. WRONG AGAIN!
So, my friend Jess got married in Santa Barbara, where we grew up (sorry to keep shell-shocking those of you who still believe I grew up in Utah - still not the case). We've known each other since we were 11 and when we were in college we were roommates for a couple years. I was going to drive up there Saturday morning. But, then I got a call from her saying she didn't want to sleep in the hotel alone. So off I went to rescue my childhood friend. We stayed up talking until 1 AM about how jacked up most of or college roommates were (2 of them were from Canada and only ate cabbage - oddly, they weren't especially thin; 1 read romance novels in the bathroom for HOURS and had terrible nose hairs; another was a phlebotomist and left her crazy blood samples all over the house; ZERO of them were "normal"). We ended the night totally in awe of how we made it through those years without committing homicide.
The view was amazing, you could see the beach and all of downtown Santa Barbara. You could also see (and hear) about 2 dozen kids and adults in the pool area directly behind the wedding seating. As the bride was walking down the aisle we saw two things (1) bride and (2) heavy-set lady wrestling with toddler with her bathing suit nicely tucked into her... full monty, while "Nothing's going to stop us now" was playing.
My first screw up was this: I was in charge of getting the people on the end of the aisles to throw the rose petals into the aisle way during the recessional. But, this lady started throwing them at Jess on the way down the aisle, so I joined her, the consequence of this was the evil eye from Bridezilla. Oops. Clearly the recessional would be when they leave... whatever, I never volunteered for this.
The second screw up was the best mishap. It was neither my fault, nor was it minor. But, it was FUNNY. They had a slideshow. It was lovely: bride with mullet, sans teeth, bad prom dress transition to groom in boy scouts, playing with boat, in a rock band with long creepy hair and then to "Kelly and Rolland together" and "Congratulations Kelly and Rolland"... except who is "Kelly"? My friend's name is Jessica. OOPS! I was totally waiting for a Jerry Springer moment… fortunately or unfortunately there was no Kelly.
All-in- all I learned 3 very important things:
(1) Always check your slideshow to make sure all names are correct, and
(2) If you sign R.S.V.P. to a wedding, show up! Bridezilla will not miss you, per se, but she will be mad at the schmakeroos she paid for you to be "self-centered";
(3) Do not wear cute shoes is you are the task-master. Cute shoes are not comfortable. They just aren't. And, the task-master position, while earning little to no respect, requires frequent bouts of running.
Let's dish. What are the biggest wedding bloopers any of you ever witnessed?