To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Self esteem is easy to obtain.

Back when I was in college, I would go home to Texas to visit my family and friends during the summer. My friend Susan used to house sit at the Howe's house and she would always invite Brooke and I to come play with her. Residing therein was the most ridiculous dog I ever did see. His name was... ??? Well, I can't remember, but that is beside the point, because whatever his name was, we never used it anyway, we renamed him S.E.D. This of course was because, to Brooke and I, this was the "Self Esteem Dog".

S.E.D. was so obscenely fat that his 6-inch legs bowed at the girth of his 45-pound frame. We used to hold food out for S.E.D. in an effort to see him jump... his record high jump was 2.44 inches with his front legs and he cleared absolutely no air with the hind legs. Man, we laughed so hard! Anyway, we always felt better about being on the couch in our P.J.s double-fisting it - imbibing "long neck" Dr. Peppers with the left hand and shoveling Little Debbie snacks in our mouths with the right. Because no matter how we rough we had it, S.E.D. was WAY worse off.

I love my job! I love it for a lot of reasons. One of my favorite reasons is that it's the S.E.J. (Self-Esteem Job). I work in a construction firm in Pomona... where I am currently the hottest thing here by the mere fact that I have all my teeth. (Don't worry, I drive to and from to Orange County every night, which keeps me in tune with reality). Today I was working on selecting photos from my Christmas Party this year to update our company website... where my brother was my date for the 2nd year running... thanks Mo... and I ran across some S.E.P. (Self Esteem Photos), reminding me how much I love my S.E.J., especially for the eye-candy that strolls in now and again.

I can't imagine loving anyone enough to say "yes, I'll go to your semi-formal work Christmas Party... even though I have a broken neck?!?"

This lady was not paid to work at the party... she was a guest of a guy that works for us, the one with the ponytail behind her. But, I so totally wanted to stick a few one dollar bills in her fur collar... Joe said I couldn't. Let me remind you... SEMI-FORMAL!

This guy... well he actually WAS paid. He was the gentleman running the Craps table. It was about 60 degrees, most of us were actually kind of cold in there... not this guy. He left pools of sweat on the Craps table. Do you think this could be some sort of syndrome or something.

See, it's not so bad that I keep taking my little brother, CLEARLY there were better things to look at. Thanks for being my perma-date little bro.

I maintain that you don't have to look very far to make yourself feel more esteemed, just take a S.E.S. (Self Esteem Stroll) down to Disneyland or the nearest airport and you'll instantly feel blessed and hot!


Anonymous said...

LOL> I find this blog both happy and sad. I am happy that your esteem is boosted by obese dogs and sweaty old men, but I am sad at how gross they feel in the presense of a gorgeous woman, such as yourself. I only hope that upon encounter of people such as "Christmas Stripper," or "Broken-Neck Becky," that you at at least play the part of "Stroke-Victim Ali" and let half your face appear unresponsive due to paralysis. By this you may at times be an uplifter to freakshows, or if they're really nasty, at least remain somewhat neutral to their S.E.

Johnny Blue Star said...

Oh, the anonymous comment above is from me, and I just started my own blog too. So far, if you read it, that will give me a grand total of one reader.

f*bomb. said...

1) I certainly hope Orange County is not "reality." Honestly.
2) How did that chick get my outfit?!?! Good thing I wasn't at your party...Or was I?...
3) Sooo...This brother of yours- is he available for ALL holiday parties?